Keeping it a secret?

[neverB4 2]

I didn't tell a few at 1st because I didn't want the negativity or gossip. Now I'm at the point to where I don't care who knows. Not to mention the vibes I get anyways when people wonder how I'm losing so quick and not putting food first in our social activities. I used to be the one who made and brought all the homemade cakes/desserts. No strawberry cheesecake, German choc cake, nor red velvet cake this yr for the holidays. They got sniffed when I signed up to bring salad and green beans!!

[TQUAD64 9]

I planned on not telling anyone, but did mention it to me sister, just in case something happened during the surgery. I want my sister to help my adult children should something happen. My brother is driving to the hospital for the surgery, but he does not know what the procedure is for.

Other than my sis, no one else knows. My co-workers know I am going on vacation for two weeks, but they do not know what my vacation plans entail. I am taking FMLA for future follow up appointments, but HIPPA laws don't require that I reveal my medical issues. Thank goodness for HIPPA and FMLA.:smile2:

My friends don't know and my parents don't know either. My surgery is on 11/11/2008.:tt1:

[Carrie_C 9]

That's a good idea about the FMLA, I never thought of that.

[DS36 0]

Hi everyone! This is my first time posting...but this subject is something i'm having a hard time with"the secret thing"! I have told my sister and a couple very close friends but the two most important people i have to tell is my parents and i have not managed to get the guts to tell them yet!!! I will be having my surgery in Jan 2009 sometime no date set as yet... and i keep putting off telling them. My worst fear is they will think that i will fail with this and it will be a waste of money as they have thought every other diet i have been on has been!

[Carrie_C 9]

I was worried about telling my parents too, but surprisingly, my mother was very supportive.

[allielee 263]

just my 2 cents:

I have told everyone and it has really helped drive my weight loss.. I have lost 84 pounds in 4-1/2 months. I am held accountable now. I am glad I told everyone.. I didn't want it to be a secret because I knew I wouldn't try as hard. It has been a wonderful experience and honestly I haven't had any negativity.. because when I told people I told them with excitement not dread, I found they were excited for me as well.

[Carrie_C 9]

I still haven't told that many people. I was telling some, but everyone was looking at me like I was a freak or something, so I just stopped telling. No one I work with knows and I plan to keep it that way. They are very judgemental. Very few of my family members know, but the ones that do know have been supportive.

[Mrsace13 0]

I'm so glad to read these stories since this is a hard thing for me to decide as well. I have told my husband and my four kids ranging in ages 7-22 and my 7 year old doesn't understand and doesn't want me to look different, bless her heart. I can't wait to show her why I'm doing this when I run and play with her at the park one day.

I was so excited when I decided to do this and ran into work and told the four close women I work with and wow, that wasn't a great idea, they all started in on me how I don't need to do something like this and how I can do it on my own since that has worked SO well for me in the past and they all know my story. I was so depressed by the way they acted I decided not to tell anyone, not even my mom or the rest of my family.

Now I know I'm going to have to one day and then my mom is going to be upset that I didn't tell her from the begining, I am NOT going to win with her but if I tell her I do not think she will support me since she doesn't even know what it is and then she will tell EVERYONE she can talk to and then call me with all of their opions, I don't need that after what I went through at work and still do.

I asked my co-workers for their support and showed them on the computer what I was doing and explained it and assured them that it was safe since that was the first thing they said, people that have not checked into just start talking about things they have no idea about. But of course now they are expecting me to have this in Dec and be a size 6 by New Years and I know they are going to watch me and be the food police.

I'm not a private person, I don't care who knows as long as they know what it is and understand about it before they start talking. I do not feel like debating this daily with people, I want to feel excited, that is why I come here daily.

Thanks!! And yes, I am scared of the day I have to tell my mom, lol.

[Band_Groupie 3]

I'm just starting; pre-band, but have decided to only tell my husband at least for now...but I'm interested to see if I change my mind later. I'm not secretive about anything, but I've decided I need only positive support for now, and I'm getting that here. After reading about negative feedback people got, I was reminded about what someone said about Lung Cancer patients...we have whole organizations for other cancers and marathons for breast cancer, but tell someone you have Lung Cancer and you get no sympathy...everyone assumes you deserve it and assumes you smoked...many people get lung cancer who never smoked, and no one deserves cancer! I guess I feel like I need this tool and I've already got a taste for how much of this is going to be from MY hard work...as my PCP already said to me...anyone can eat around the band. I don't want a single glance that says I failed because I have the band or I didn't get thinner through hard work because I know it will be...the band is just my chisel and I'm the sculptor (oops, can you tell I'm an Art Ed teacher?).

[Carrie_C 9]

I try not to worry about what other people say or think anymore. It is my business. I am the one who has to look at myself in the mirror everyday and deal with not being able to do things I want to do because of my weight, not everyone else. So if someone doesn't like it, that is their problem, not mine.

[yella1 0]

I am just getting started, but for support I've told my mom, stepfather,sister,brother-in-law, and a few friends and relatives. All my relatives have been encouraging and some have researched the surgery. My mother ans sister watched a surgey online at www.lapband.us. My friends for the most part are supportive but some have said they don't think i should have the surgery. I think that when your role is the fat friend they don't want that to change. If I lose some relationships by trying to improve my quality of life for myself and my sons then goodbye I don't aim to please anyone but me!

Edited November 14, 2008 by yella1
typing error

[Carrie_C 9]

I say goodbye as well! If they are that way, then they never were a true friend anyway.

[laurenica23 1]

I have chosen to tell my parents, my best friend, and my mom's side of the family (I am closest to them).

People automatically think weight loss surgery makes you lose quickly and since I don't know what will happen (as far as how quickly I'll lose), I don't want anyone saying things like "didn't you have surgery? why aren't you losing more? etc"

Also, the surgery is providing me with a tool to use. I will be making the decisions on what to eat and when to exercise, so there will definitely be a lot of hard work on my part. I just don't want any judgment or anything.

[ercole 0]

I have tried to keep it a secret. I have told my best girlfriends and limited family members. Like many others I don't want to deal with any criticism and judging from anyone. I know a woman whom it did not work well for and I didn't want to deal with the embarressment if my lapband failed too. Every other diet I have tried up until now has failed. So far I have lost 41 pounds since July. The weight is coming off slowly, but surely.

[Anyalee 0]

This idea of keeping it a secret is a little weird to me. I told everybody I knew about the surgery except my students. Now that I'm pregnant, I'm not telling anyone about my pregnancy. I feel like I will be more likely to stereotyped for being pregnant than I was for trying to get skinny!