Pre-Op and no family support

[Lisa00 14]

Has anyone told their family about you having this surgery and your family not being supportive of your decission to do so? I am feeling that now with some of my family members, it hurts me deeply. what do you say to them?

I am having this surgery for only myself and no one else, I want to feel better and look better. My oldest daughter seems to be the only one who is with me on this as she had the same surgery a year ago.

Should I not worry about having their support?

Thanks

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Yes. You should NOT worry about your family's lack of support. They get to decide what they think.

But the good news is that YOU get to decide what you think. And do. And (to some extent) feel.

It's great that your daugter gets it. You're "rich" in that sense. But even if no one bought it or got it, you could still do this. Many others have done so before.

Very best wishes to you.

[smokenhaze 9]

It's not okay to have family support. Well they are the closest one to you, but that doesn't mean that you don't have any support. Thats what this website is for. My family isn't the most supportive. Support groups with the hostipal your using to get your surgery at. I found out, I value support more from people like me. Maybe in the end they will support you, but don't count on it. Sometimes the lack of support comes from the lack of understanding. I try to educate my mother as much as I can so she can at least get a look into my world. But my father could care less..."why can't you just excerise". I don't bother to comment to those questions. Its not worth it to get worked up over that. You chose your route, can't change the past, but only move forward. Develop coping skills to deal with them and rememeber support can come from anyone. You can do it!

[McButterpants 2,846]

Support is important in this process - and if you're not going to get it from your family, get it from somewhere else. Not only on forums such as this, but maybe a local support group (our local hospital allows me to go even though I didn't have surgery there) or a friend that you can confide in.

This journey has so many dimensions - it's physical, mental and emotional.

In the beginning my parents were supportive, but vocal about their concerns. My dad didn't understand the need for the surgery or why I would do something this drastic. I think he was in denial about how heavy I really got. I know I was. Once I had the surgery, he has made a complete change. He asks me about my eating, how I feel, what food feels like in my stomach. He has seen me get healthier, not just losing weight - he belongs to the same gym as I do and he watches my workouts.

What is your family doing that you believe you don't have their support?

[Photo925 100]

I definitely have people in my life that are not supportive but I instead just focus on the people that are. I just stop telling those who aren't supportive about the process and look towards people who can be constructive and positive about the whole thing. The website is good for support as well, but I'm also in a group that meets weekly as part of the preop stage. We are a great support to each other, so I definitely recommend attending support meetings with people who are going through the same thing

[JeanZ_RN 378]

VSGAnn2014 said it perfectly: You should NOT worry about your family's lack of support. They get to decide what they think. But the good news is that YOU get to decide what you think. And do. And (to some extent) feel.

You and your daughter can be a 2-person support group! Best wishes.

[1Day1Life4Now 882]

Everything in life is easier when our family and friends support and rally around us but unfortunately it doesn't always happen in the real world. I know it can be hurtful that they aren't there for you but they may have issues of their own for not doing so. Your eldest daughter is there for you and she is setting an example for the rest of the family. It is up to them to follow her lead. You will get lots of support on this website and it is very possible that your family will begin to support you when they see the progress you are making in living a healthier lifestyle. Could be they harbor a bit of jealously maybe? Take care and make your choices about you.

[Nurse_B 270]

While my family supports me, I do have close friends who did not support my decision. It has been a difficult and long process with them, and to be honest our relationships have changed. But what has remained the same is my self respect and dreams of becoming a better version of myself. It can be difficult when you lack the support you need, but there are so many people who will cheer for you and offer their support when you need it, on here, at support groups, your surgeons office...etc. rely on those that will help you, and hopefully your family will come around when they see that this is your decision and what you need is understanding. Good luck to you!

[Lisa00 14]

Thank you all so much for your kind words and above all your generous support. I have 2 people in my life who are very supportive and all of you. I will just concentrate on all the positive around me as I become closer to starting my journey. I wish I could go to bariatric weight loss support groups but unfortunately there is none in my area, I live 2 hours away from the hospital and surgeons office, so would make for a long drive. I will just get my support and information on here through all of you.

Thank You Again

[hbeasley 19]

I went through the same thing with my husband. He was VERY against me doing this and it was hard. I found this website to be VERY helpful and spent more and more time pre and post surgery around those in my family and my friends that DID support me. Thankfully, he now sees the light and is being more and more supportive every day! Hang in there, it will get better! And if it doesn't, sometimes you have to wonder if those are poeple you need in your life. If you can't cut them out, cut back on the time with them until they see the light!

[bngarza 14]

I understand what you are going thru. My husband and son are supper suportive. I have also told my co-workers. I have not told my family. My family is very non supportive. My mother had gastric bypass. She is still very large. Over 400 pounds. She is against all surgery. So I have made the choice not to say anything, She made the choice to eat the same and not to exercise. You can not worry about what they think. This is a very personal choice. As long as you have the support you need elsewhere. Best of luck to you.