Anyone else have a 'healthy' spouse and

[Wires 25]

have always felt insecure?

I'm at the start of my WLS road, just getting my initial appts in before the sleeve.

All of our years of being married I've felt insecure but even more so since I've slowly gained weight over time. I basically let my insecurities ruin our time (i.e. I will get so upset that someone he works with is really good looking--skinny etc) and it creates arguments/stress for us.

I hate myself for doing that. I need to get over the fact that he may find other people attractive, he has done nothing to make me feel insecure though, it's definitely coming more from me.

Anyone else?

[Madam Reverie 2,958]

Oh yes indeedy...

But this was more with my former partner. Emphasis on the 'former'.

The current incumbent met me chunky and has seen me through my surgery and still loves me for who I am. I am lucky.

Saying it as it is - I wrecked my former relationship. I was jealous, irrational, had critically low self-esteem, buried myself in my career and basically pushed him away. Although in saying that, he was in no way perfect either and his peccadillo's were more than the average person would be prepared to deal with...

All my fears and neuroses became self-fulfilling prophecies. A hard lesson to learn - but I'm glad I learnt it.

Your husband loved you then. So much so, he married you. What gives you any reason to think he doesn't still love you? You say he gives you no reason to feel insecure..

Try to remember there are two of you in this together and if everything else (apart from this) is good, you need to perhaps 'think of him' sometimes. Its so easy to get bogged down in the Protein, the appointments, doctors, bariatric nurses. It might prove a healthy distraction from the arguments caused by your insecurities - but it also might, too, get on his nerves a bit in 'another thing to add to the pot' kind of way.

I'm not saying you're ignoring him - or even causing excessive discord... But if you're arguing about these things and you're worried about it - and you love him and want to make this transition as smooth as possible? Perhaps try and talk about your insecurities with a counsellor - or your husband. You never know what can happen...

Failing that, in the interim and if you're feeling a bit blue about it? Hows about a few date nights for the two of you and enjoying each others company, spoiling each other, whilst leaving the insecurities at home...

I wish you the best of luck

[Comfy_Blue 285]

Yup, my ex-fiance was a fitness fiend. I remember asking him to help me work out and lose weight, so he had me drink two gallons of Water in about an hour (my stomach hurt so bad and my privates hurt from peeing so much), had me running up and down bleachers in the rain and he told me that unless you throw up after a work out you haven't pushed yourself hard enough.

He exercised 3 times a day (he was in ROTC in college when we met, then full time, active duty after we graduated) and even though he ate fast food like most college students, his high level of activity kept the pounds off. He was always a naturally skinny guy, so when he worked out, he would just get super muscular. The entire time we were together he had six pack abs.

I always felt fat and ugly with him. Like you, i slowly gained weight over time (was about 160lbs when we met, and closer to 190lbs when i called off our wedding). A lot of our issues stemmed from my insecurity. I got jealous easily, i didnt want to go out with his friends because i was embarrassed of my weight. I actually hid one time in a store where his friend worked because i didn't want him to see what i perceived as a big, gross, fat body.

Unfortunately my ex didnt do much to make me feel better. Hs thing was "stop eating so much and exercise". He ridiculed me for being self conscious, never told me i was beautiful, and i used to get really hurt because he'd call people fat who were smaller than me (at the time Kelly Osbourne had just begun to lose weight and was smaller than me and i recall him laughing and saying she was still a fatty). I used to feel so bad because he loved to jog, so he and one of his female coworkers would go jogging just the two of them through the mountains. I hated it and i felt uncomfortable because that seemed kinda romantic to me.

His thing was "well, learn to jog or get over it. If i want to jog alone with another female that's what i'm gonna do"

I'm glad he is my ex.

I hope your husband isn't like that. Even if he does not struggle with weight and emotional eating, he should be supporting you through this journey. My current husband truly gets it and without him it would've been a lot harder. As long as your husband isn't belittling you or feeding your insecurities, you've got a good thing. In fact, this is kind of exciting because now you all can bond on another level...getting and maintaining health.

My current hub y is overweight too, but seeing me lose and change my habits has motivated him. We get excited now to eat at home and try healthy, alternative meals. Like last night i made double bake cauliflower which tastes almost exactly like a cheesy, baked potato and he was floored at how yummy it was with way less calories and fat. He also sneaks veggies into foods that we both like (puree) and tries to get me to guess how he's made the recipe healthier. It's a lot of fun.

Edited January 20, 2014 by Comfy_Blue