fat girl self-concept has gotta go

healthny · March 23, 2007

looking for wisdom how to begin to let go of my "fat girl with the pretty face" self concept (one I have had my entire life having never been even close to "normal weight") and learn not to be fearful of the thin, healthy girl inside. I recognize in myself if I don't reslove this issue it may well sabatoge my lapband efforts. Wow, just verbalizing that for the first time in my life has brought tears to my eyes. Anyone else feeling/fealt the same thing? any suggestions/advice???

juliegeraci · March 23, 2007

I have felt the same way. My highest weight was 320. I was banded at 282 down from 308 (lost 30 on my own). I'm now about 237. I look in the mirror and can't believe my size 24 is in a size 20 now. I can actually fit a size Large shirt! You just need to visualize the loss as it goes away. Take care of yourself every day. You will find that you will be looking really good soon. Just accept the fact that the old "fat" self is going away. Good luck.

jubjub · March 23, 2007

You will know that phase will be gone once us guys start hitting on you more and more. Just wait, you will see.

ReneBean · March 23, 2007

Naw, Jub Jub

Sometimes that makes it worse. For those of us who have never been thin or considered beautiful, it is a shock to be considered desirable.

High School girls learn to deal with this in adolescence, except those of us who learned to stand off to the side and watch.

So, how the heck do you learn to behave like a beautiful woman when you are 30 or 40?

We have all learned how to be jolly fat girls - not beauty queens. Somehow we have to get a crash course in woman-ness.

The only advise I can give is to practice. Watch movies with women that you think are beautiful in them. How do they walk? How do they behave? Practice. Look in the mirror as if you were looking at a stranger. Pick out the good things that you see. Believe that you are beautiful and it will all start to fall in line.

It's the believing that is hard. So, if you can't believe it, pretend for a while. Pretending will get you halfway there.

Learn to accept a compliment with just a thank you. Don't argue with the person or deny it. Accept it.

It will take time. But eventually, it will start to sink in.

Just remember the Loreal slogan - Cause I'm Worth It.

Hugs & Love.

ChinaMom · March 23, 2007

Renee,

I agree. It's funny, but I was thinking the other day, what made me gain weight back after I lost it each time? OK, stress. but another thing was not feeling pretty. I mean, I can remember feeling great after losing weight, but I never got into girly things. this time, I can't wait to buy cute shoes, short skirts and fashionable slacks. Get my nails done. all the girly femine things.

I never did that for myself before. Looking back I don't think it ever occurred to me, but this time, it does, and I'm going to go for it! I'm going to live for looking and feelin' good, not for food! so putting all that beauty into my life will inspire me to think of myself as a beautiful person!

that was a big fat ramble, but I hope it made sense!

Karen

beversman · March 23, 2007

Oh yes girl... i know what you mean.

I am at the stage right now where ive lost enough that people are really noticing... but I still think I have a long way to go.... and i don't know what to do about it.

Somebody called me "skinny minny" today. Did I take the compliment?? NO.

I said, "well... I'm certainly not there yet, but thanks for noticing."

I definitely need to learn how to just say "thank you." I have no idea how to take men hitting on me... or compliments in general. It does feel good, but it has also been scaring the crap out of me. I feel like a deer in headlights.

I still see myself as huge. I really dont see much difference between this and 65lbs ago. I know its there, but my brain won't allow me to see it.

So, no... you are certainly not alone. :-)

wen · March 24, 2007

Ohhh, that's a big one as far as self esteem in general...learning to just say "thank you" in response to a compliment of any kind. That was such a hard thing for me to learn how to do (I'm not banded yet, but working hard on self esteem issues like nearly all the women I know). It took a lot of practice, but now it's comfortable and I don't have the automatic "yeah, but..." reaction I used to have to compliments. I even accept and believe them sometimes.

Boo Boo Kitty · March 24, 2007

looking for wisdom how to begin to let go of my "fat girl with the pretty face" self concept (one I have had my entire life having never been even close to "normal weight") and learn not to be fearful of the thin, healthy girl inside. I recognize in myself if I don't reslove this issue it may well sabatoge my lapband efforts. Wow, just verbalizing that for the first time in my life has brought tears to my eyes. Anyone else feeling/fealt the same thing? any suggestions/advice???

I know exactly how you feel! One thing that REALLY helps me is to keep a journal. Write out your feelings, it sometimes helps to decifer them.

I have dropped in sizes so dramatically I find I am still drawn to the plus size clothes, even though I can no longer wear them. I haven't been able to change that mindset. Hopefully I can soon!