Discouraged

[hayleylamas 74]

was having a conversation with my husband talking about the surgery and long story gory he made that dreadful comment, "well yea it's taking the easy way out". I was so taken back bc up till now I thought I had his full support and acknowledgement that it would be a long hard journey. I was fine with knowing people in general probably won't be supportive etc, but feeling like my own husband won't even have that equal respect he would someone that does it with no surgery is super discouraging and making me very emotional. Btw he has zero weight issues. Tall slender and works out everyday, no emotional eating, can eat whatever.

Hope some of you can lift my spirits

[JerseyGirl68 1,172]

was having a conversation with my husband talking about the surgery and long story gory he made that dreadful comment, "well yea it's taking the easy way out". I was so taken back bc up till now I thought I had his full support and acknowledgement that it would be a long hard journey. I was fine with knowing people in general probably won't be supportive etc, but feeling like my own husband won't even have that equal respect he would someone that does it with no surgery is super discouraging and making me very emotional. Btw he has zero weight issues. Tall slender and works out everyday, no emotional eating, can eat whatever.

Hope some of you can lift my spirits

I'm so sorry, that has got to be really hard to hear from him. Maybe he just doesn't really get it. People who have never walked in our shoes cannot fully understand all the struggles and how hard this decision can be. Get your thoughts together, write them all down if you need. Outline for him how hard being overweight has been. All of it, the emotional, physical... everything. He may really not understand how this fully effects every part of your life, and what you are hoping for after surgery.

Then maybe introduce him to this site and let him read other's stories. He may be open to a different perspective.

I hope so for your sake, but the reality is YOU know the truth. This is not a quick fix and certainly not the easy way out. Anyone that says it, is misinformed. Educate him the best you can, and hope that gets through.

Best of luck, and remember if all else fails, you have all of us for support.

[CrazyJaney 775]

I hope one of the vets chimes in here because I'm preop too so not a lot of experience. I'm hoping to be sleeved in March. I've done a lot of soul searching and thinking, but not a lot of sharing because it's impossible for anyone to really know what this is like (except for the people here). I don't really want anyone's feedback because of this same reason. I doubt it's a real lack of support but more just a real knowledge deficit. People just don't get it. The emotional perpetration for this is hard. Harder than I thought it would be. My husband is supportive. He's kind. Buts he's pretty clueless. I have no advice. Just share the gut punches that come from sometimes well meaning people. Sigh. I hope others weigh in. There is an enormous amount of support here.

[VSG AJH 499]

Give him a couple of months of watching you balancing eating and drinking, tracking fluids and macronutrients, working out just enough to lose but not enough to stall, using products to prevent Hair loss and improve skin tone, etc. Hopefully, he'll have eyes open enough to see you deliberate over every single bit that goes into your tiny tummy, and he'll recognize that this is FAR from the easy way out.

[Ballermom 803]

Well honey, lift up your head. Really don't worry.

i say that because they who are less informed will come with all kind of responses in the beginning. They are just concerned. I wished i knew in the beginning when my hubby was skeptical that still he would turn out to be my greatest supporter For me.

My mind was made up. My health was first. i don't regret having my sleeve. I love it. Yea, I felt disappointed too at at first. But I didn't let others lack of knowledge stop me for continuing on with the program. I did it for me. I even went to mostly all the classes and doctors visits by my self till in the end. You may experience skeptical people especially from people close to you be prepared.

You ve worked hard and come too Far. I know things all changed for me when, my hubby went to my psych appointment with me. I was too nervous to go alone. Thats when, started to get on board. It also helped that My program required us to bring someone if possible to the last 2 classes and he came. In the hospital he also impressed me. He did everything for me in the hospital And afterwards. But some others surprised me by their reluctancy to be their for me. Anyway as of today 8 months of prep work and 11 months later, my hubby never waiver in his support after attending the psych class.

It is a major change. This is only my opinion and life story. I'm not a predictor of outcome just saying you are more informed than he is so his response could be a lack of Education. Give him time, take him to class and make it a date. Good Luck You can do it!

Edited January 18, 2014 by Ballermom

[Sallyawbc 46]

Your husband is expressing the same thing most of us have heard the minute we start sharing what we are working for. Hopefully he will come around once he sees what you have to go through for the rest of your life. Please remember you are doing this for you, not him. You know you will be happier and healthier once you complete this journey we are all trying to go through. You have a lot of people on this website going through the same thing so look back the older posts and you will see how many had the same concerns. You have so much support, please hang tough!!!!

[sweetjam69 20]

In the beginning my husband was fine with it. He was excited about the facts that maybe, just maybe all my health problems would go away. As it got closer to the surgery he said "don't do it, please don't do it. Why can't you do it the old fashion way"?

He felt that if I could do good on the pre op diet it should easy the continue. I wanted to cry......not having him on board anymore was hurtful.

Now that I am watching what I eat and losing weight......he's back on board.

your husband will come back around.

[McButterpants 2,846]

I will be honest, I went into this thinking it was the easy way out. Boy was I wrong!

I quickly realized that this is hard work - do you get some assistance from your new tiny tummy? Absolutely. I can tell you, however, I am fighting for every ounce and pound I lose. I am the one that has to stop eating when I have consumed my 2 ounces of chicken and want more. I have to stop myself from dipping my hand in the bag of tortilla chips that are sitting on the counter. I am the one that has to drag myself to the gym every day to spend 60-90 minutes on the elliptical machine and treadmill. I am the one that has to address the emotional issues that helped me get to 256 pounds.

While the sleeve can help you eat less at a sitting, it's not going to stop you from making bad choices. My sleeve will allow me to eat all kinds of foods. I can graze all day long with my sleeve.

My husband didn't understand why I always thought about food before surgery. He was the type of guy that could go all day without eating, then sit down to a big dinner. I, on the other hand, thought about food all the time. I snacked all the time. Today, 9 weeks post-op, I don't think about food like I used to. I have become one of the those people that forgets to eat sometimes. I still have my emotional attachment to food, but it's getting better.

This IS hard work. It's time consuming - during the few weeks after surgery, trying to figure out how you're going to get in your fluids and Protein is exhausting!

[teekay8887 116]

I understand how his words can be very discouraging for you. I asked my adult son if he thought I was a failure for having weight loss surgery. His first comment was "Where is that question coming from?" I responded that I was wondering how my family and friends were looking at my choices. His answer was, " Do you think I was a failure for going to rehab for alcohol abuse?" I opened my mouth to respond and stopped. Then all I could say when the light went off in my head was "touché". I too must realize I have an addiction problem and will be working the rest of my life to contain my addiction and my WLS is just a tool in my arsenal. I must make this journey about me and working hard to be the best, healthy, and happy me. I hope that you too can realize it doesn't matter how you get to your goal but that you got to your goal. You go girl.