My rant update (dh)

[*Misty*Raine* 192]

So I know a lot of you have been following the rant that I posted about my husband. He's not willing to get a job, won't go back to work, doesn't help with the kids, and we have been at each other's throats for years. And we fell outta love years ago.

I have 6 kids, 1 girls with cerebral palsy that been thru many surgeries, the vent, and now is 7 on oxygen and a great kid, that's my crazy Bella Grace! And I have 1 girl with a rare form of Down syndrome .... It's called mosaic downs. Harley Paige is 5 and beautiful! Having 2 special needs babies is tough, but I feel like I'm alone. I feel like I'm the only one that can care for them, because I have accustomed to no one helping.

Well after my last post, I have had my ah hah moment in my life. I am going to make changes in myself for my children to be proud of and see how life should be. The first place I need to start, is in our lives. My husband (not really willingly) is moving out Friday! I am sad for my marriage failing and my kids having to adjust to him being gone, but I know this will in due time be what we all need. Not just myself.

I don't want my kids to think that it is ok for men to degrade women for getting medical help (WLS) or that it is ok for someone to degrade you as a person. No one deserves that. No child deserves to have parents that can't be in the same room. No child should have to live in a home with tension. So I asked him last night for a divorce, and he asked me "what took me so long to finally say it?" Answer: didn't wanna hurt my children. But then I realize, if I'm not happy, I can't make them happy! So as selfish as this sounds, it's me and my kids time!!

Please no bashing! I'm dealing with enough!!

[BrantS1976 243]

Good for you standing up for yourself and being a good example for your kids. Based on everything you posted, it sounds like this is the right decision despite the fact that I am sure it is terrifying and hard to finally end the relationship. Thinking positive thoughts for you, and I am sure life will just get better from here. I am in awe of your bravery taking on this major change in life and WLS all at once. Your children will definitely be proud and will realize that they are blessed with a very strong mother.

[Fluffnomore 1,235]

I am proud of you. Seriously, no one can look into someone else's life and decide what is best for that person. That said, it sounds like you have thought this through and please know that you have support.

[Nicolanz 1,484]

I hope you and your family find peace and happiness. Good luck with everything!

[*Misty*Raine* 192]

I am proud of you. Seriously, no one can look into someone else's life and decide what is best for that person. That said, it sounds like you have thought this through and please know that you have support.

Thank you. I have been thinking about this for over a year, talked to a therapist, and even weighed it all out in my day to day life. I looked at how my kids will be effected. And after talking to the 3 older kids, I'm confident that this is what they want. They have been part of the process. They've known this was what I was thinking and they actually want it too! They think it will make everyone happy in the long run. And I'm ashamed to say, they will be happier when we don't have the tensions in the house. That said, I'm ok with my choice.... And they're on board!?! It's a good time to do it!

[*Misty*Raine* 192]

Ty all so much!!! I need this support. I know I'm doing the right thing. Just hard at the same time. Doing what's right, is never easy!

[B-52 7,113]

Just want to say, I am with kids like your Daughter CP, Vent Kids, SMA, Dev Delayed, CHI....and things I won't mention here....

Every day I travel to Children's Hospitals, CP Centers, schools, etc.....if you've been to medical clinics, as I know you had your share...then you know what I do...

Me and my Colleagues are always amazed at the Mothers who come with their kids...honestly, we don't know how you do it....and we have learned to stay out of their way...let THEM do it...

Only thing more amazing, is the 80 year old grandmothers tossing these kids around....

My hat's off to you...

[ChunkyMonkey 13]

I'm so glad you could make such a tough choice! I am wishing you all the best. Your children (and you) deserve it!!!

[*Misty*Raine* 192]

Just want to say, I am with kids like your Daughter CP, Vent Kids, SMA, Dev Delayed, CHI....and things I won't mention here.... Every day I travel to Children's Hospitals, CP Centers, schools, etc.....if you've been to medical clinics, as I know you had your share...then you know what I do... Me and my Colleagues are always amazed at the Mothers who come with their kids...honestly, we don't know how you do it....and we have learned to stay out of their way...let THEM do it... Only thing more amazing, is the 80 year old grandmothers tossing these kids around.... My hat's off to you...

I outta tell ya, my daughter is a high functioning cp child with oxygen needs. Since u are in this field, you will know what these diagnosis mean. This her list.

Asthma

Apnea sleep/and awake

Reflux

Epilepsy

-Allergy to Protein ... All Proteins. She's on an amino acid supplement EO28 splash

-trach malacia

-bronchial malacia

Atelectisis of the left lung (her left lung collapsed and grew shut) that's why she's on oxygen.

Allergies to enviromental , seasonal, and more

An believe it or not, I can take her oxygen off so she can do ballet pics, but she dances in oxygen, and is really good at it!!! This her... Bella Grace

Here is my daughter Harley Paige. She has mosaic downs. And she is BEAUTIFUL! Both of my girls with special needs are!!!

[*Misty*Raine* 192]

I am so blessed to have all of ur support. Ty for just letting me rant about the dh and rave on and on about my lil miracles. I do try to be everything I can and then some for my kiddos, and now is their time to shine and take the priceless bonds we have and enrich them going thru this together. We will grow, and we will succeed.

And I feel it's cause I have this wonderful support system on this forum. I apologize if I rant too much.

[Fluffnomore 1,235]

They are beauties.

[*Misty*Raine* 192]

They are beauties.

Ty so much. They're mommas pride and joy!

[BrantS1976 243]

No need to apologize for ranting Misty. We are all here to support each other. I went through a divorce several years back, and it was very hard. Like you we had delayed it for several years. In the end I wish I hadn't waited. I'm not going to pretend I know exactly what you are going through as we did not have kids, which made the process much easier, but I have to say you are a brave woman to do what is best for yourself in moving on from the relationship and undergoing WLS all at once. I'm not sure I could've done that.

[kimk1999 450]

I was married for 10 years (technically got divorced 2 days after the 10 year anniversary). He cheated on me twice. For the longest time an why I stayed so long in the marriage was that I thought of myself as a failure. That's I couldn't keep him happy and I was a bad wife. I hated the fact of getting divorced and I didn't even have kids. I now wish I did it a few years sooner. I have now met a really amazing man who takes care of me, even with my crazy emotional baggage. It'll get better. You'll probably go through hell in the process and have a wide range of emotions but it will get better. Divorce is like a death in your life. It's the death of your marriage only there's no burial. Be prepared for grieving the loss, but you sound like a strong woman and can handle this next phase in your life.

I wish you the best and as you can see, we're here for you and have been in a similar spot - either with special needs kids, divorced, or divorced with kids.

[*Misty*Raine* 192]

No need to apologize for ranting Misty. We are all here to support each other. I went through a divorce several years back, and it was very hard. Like you we had delayed it for several years. In the end I wish I hadn't waited. I'm not going to pretend I know exactly what you are going through as we did not have kids, which made the process much easier, but I have to say you are a brave woman to do what is best for yourself in moving on from the relationship and undergoing WLS all at once. I'm not sure I could've done that.

Ty for understanding and just supporting me! I need it.