Did anyone hide their surgery from family & friends? I have no ride to surgery

[niassy151 60]

I have my pre-op scheduled for February 19 and my surgery scheduled for March 5. I'm self pay for the sleeve, and am waiting for all of my funding to come together. I'm nervous because I really haven't told anyone in my life about what's going on. I live out of state from my family. Originally I told my sister because I wanted her to come out to help me, but now she seems pretty judgemental (mostly about the money aspect of it because I would have to finance it) so it hardly seems worth it just to avoid questions about money. I don't really have anyone to take me to to the hospital. Honestly I was thinking about taking a cab (I have to be there at 5:30am) - I think getting a ride back home might be easier. I've told one person I work with - so she could probably pick me up after work. The facility is 4 miles from where I live. I'd like to take a cab home, but I don't know if that's allowed. I also don't really have anyone to stay with me after surgery, so I'm kind of freaked out about that as well.

I've started transitioning to the liquid diet now so it would be easier as I have to switch completely over two weeks before. I'm also thinking about buying a treadmill so I can walk at home.

I just feel kind of all over the place right now. I don't know how hard coming home after surgery really is going to be and how much help I'll really need. Do I need to tell someone close to me, or will I be able to do this alone?

My family for the most part has been really unsupportive when I first said I was interested in doing this because they don't think I am "big enough" or should be able to lose weight on my own. And I don't realy have a lot of friends, and the ones that I do work a lot and I don't really want anyone knowing my private business anyway. Am I being crazy?

[Carlotta1 401]

If your family won't support u.then a close friend should do. I would suggest u have someone see to check on you the first day at home. Good luck. And this is for u...no one else.. So don't think u have to justify yourself to anyone. Most of us struggled for years ..the critics did not walk in our shoes.

[JerseyGirl68 1,172]

Hi there,

Can you manage on your own when you get home? probably, I was lucky to have lots of support, but I did manage at my home on my own for the most part. I might be a good idea to let someone close to you know what is going on, just in case you do need something and just to check up on you in general. You won't be able to lift anything over 10 lbs for about 6 weeks, it amazed me how many day to day tasks included lifting and bending.

My hospital would not let a patient leave in a cab. You can find out their policy on that online most likely.

I'm sorry that most of your family is out of state,and I completely understand not wanting to share your business with just anyone. I have found that even the busiest of friends can make a little time if we are in need.

I think the physical aspect of recovery is really an individual experience. So many have different reactions to surgery. I was very fortunate to have a very smooth recovery. You may not need any real help, but having someone "on call" could prove to be useful.

I'm not assuming to know the history with you and your sister, but maybe try talking with her again. Our sisters and family in general, can be toughest on us, but they are usually coming from a place of concern and love and oftentimes lack of knowledge about a procedure can intensify that concern.

financing a healthier future, isn't a bad investment. You are investing in you.. Surely she will think you are worth it.

If she never struggled with weight issues, it may be hard for her to really understand.

I wish you the best of luck on your upcoming surgery and welcome to the forum. The folks here are a wealth of information and support. And thankfully it seems someone is always here.

Edited January 13, 2014 by JerseyGirl68

[FitnFabfor2014 358]

​Hi,

I wish I was closer to you I would definitely help you out. I chose not to share this with anyone in my family except for my Mother (I haven't even told my son). It was a personal decision. I am not someone who shares their personal life with people anyway (because to me it is personal)...No judgement, no prying.

My hospital would not let me schedule unless I had someone coming to pick me up (I had to give the hospital her contact information prior to my surgery). Once I was home I was ok on my own. There were a few things I was grateful to have my son and Mother around for (the little thing like bending down or reaching up), but for the most part I have just been trying to figure out the sleeve and how to make this work. To answer your question, no I don't think you are crazy. This is completely your decision. However you choose to deal with it is entirely up to you. You will always have support here without any judgement.

[1Day1Life4Now 882]

Niassy, if I lived in Dallas I would be there in a heartbeat to drive you to and from the hospital but I'm in Mississippi. I understand exactly how you feel about not telling others about the surgery. I'm in the same boat. I'm only telling my husband and my daughter, nobody else. I too am a very private person. Check to see if there are other posters from your area that would be willing to be help. Have you been to any of the support group meetings? That's a good place to start. Help one another by offering support in this process. Please don't go to the hospital alone. You need somebody there to act as your advocate to make sure all the paperwork is done right and your rights are being considered through the process. We are here if you need us. Take care and good luck.

[taylokat 180]

I told only my husband and my 3 kids (teen, young adult). I had my hubby drop me off then made him go to work... I didn't want anybody hovering over me! The next time I saw him was to pick me up. So yes you can take a can there but you will need a person to be responsible for you to go home. The next day my husband went away for 3 days and I was fine. My 14 year old son was home but I was alone, if ya know what I mean! It was fine, it forced me to get up and do things and not be waited on!

[Rena's got this 274]

Maybe the hospital has some sort of patient care person that could give you a ride and visit you a time or two to make sure you are ok. Probably wouldn't cost that much, and would give you peace of mind.

[niassy151 60]

Today I told two of my friends that are roommates that I was having my gall bladder removed and asked if they could watch my dogs, pick me up from the hospital and check in on me for a few days. They said it shouldn't be a problem between the two of them, but want to go out to dinner Sunday for me to tell them more about it. I've read so many stories on here about people having gall bladders removed that it seemed like the incisions would be close enough to what will really happen that it should be fairly easy to pass off. I don't know why I'm so worried about being judged - the majority of the people I know are heavy. I think it's more like I have this opportunity and I have guilt about taking it - I'll be paying it for a very long time - but I think the investment on feeling better about myself and being healthier is just so worth it, I'd be an idiot not to do it.

At work tomorrow I'm going to transition to a liquid lunch. I think the longer I do it, and if I cn lose some weight now (surgery is in March) it will be less of a shock to people after surgery happens. I feel like this final piece is coming together - but I feel like a total jerk for lying to my friends' faces. I don't know if they would be supportive or not - I just don't want something else to deal with and there's always this back thought - what if I don't lose a lot of weight? There's so many what ifs and if this happens then this will happen scenrious I think of, I swear I'm going to drive myself insane. I have a month until my pre-op and I want to try to lose as much weight as I can.... I want to start finding hobbies and other stress relivers to try and take the place of food now, or at least have a list of things to do when I feel "hungry" (really the stress or bordom eating that got me to where I'm at now). I didn't have to have the psychological ealuation - are there any must read books anyone can recommend? I expect I'll be using this site a lot more after surgery happens. I'm definitily going to look into support groups in my area. I know so many other people have gone through this already so I don't really feel "alone" I just wonder if my feelings are normal - I feel like I'm more of a liar than most people seem to be. I guess everyone has to do what will work for them. Lately I've been looking at scar photos online. Do the scars look really bad? I'm worried about skin flaps too. I didn't realize how many "weird" thoughts I'd have. It all seems to random - I guess that's just how I think through things.

[Amanda Nicole Hosaflook 65]

I told everyone. I could have cared less what people thought. I'm not a very secretive person lol. Although my mom didn't agree with it, she was still with me through it all.

[sissy13 138]

At first I didn't tell anyone but family but further along I got I don't care who knows. I'm proud of what I have accomplished and don't care what people think

[LIL RED 62]

Hi, I'm in Frisco area and if u need a ride I will pick you up. My friend left me without a ride two days before my surgery. I was able to get friends from work. They were great. As far as my friend well she is a friend- enemy. It really hurt. Again , if you need a ride let me know.