I'm in the dog house and cant find my way out.

[nancy264 50]

writing whats on my mind, didn't think it over or read it over, its written how I hear myself think.

Here I am sitting here feeling sorry for myself, confused, angry and every feeling there is. I know I need to lose weight and know its for me to feel better and get off 30 plus meds that I take, I don't want to die fat and cant let myself die fat.

so why not stick with it, everyday every morning is the same thing, I wake up thinking of food and hungry have a shake and try to be good all day well no its not even lunch and im starving so what another shake or food if I eat real food I will continue to eat all day, if I have a shake I be starving all day.

I cry,i yell I want to turn myself inside out at times to so why I cant keep it up. I don't have all that I need to eat the right way bc I hate going out bc im so fat and hate being around a lot of ppl. I don't want to die fat I cant die fat, all my life I been trying to lose weigh I have tried and done some crazy diet crap and lost weight and gained it back, it been many many yrs of trying and not getting anywhere. well this surgery should help will help so why is it that I still feel like crap and keep messing up.

I know what I need to do and how to do it, I just start to and then stop why do I stop I don't know why. I just want to eat im hungry and miss my food. Im so tired of the shakes and im not drinking them the way Im suppose to its been about 6 months since august I started the program needed only ten pound to lose for a date and I have lost and gained. so idk whats gonna happen now

tomorrow is group meeting and weigh in, I don't want to go im afraid I gained weight and my psych and nut will not let me get a date. I see my nut tomorrow and then I see both of them on the 23rd and I cant wait for that day to see what they have to say about me getting a date or not.

sometime I feel just to give up, I been trying all my life to lose and keep off this weight and I always end up messing it all up. don't u think its time to put a stop to it, wasted many, many yrs on this yo yo diet and not keeping it off and I still don't feel good about myself. im sad all the time, tired, angry all the time.

when I get up im always starving and think of food all the time, I get up and have a shake and a yogurt sometime. but right after I just want to eat real food and get upset with myself for wanting food and things that I don't need.

I hate going out to the stores or anywhere I do appt that's all, so its hard to go buy the food I need. my nut said a shake with Protein (really don't eat meat) a fruit or veggie two shakes a day and a small meal, I don't cook so its like sandwich all the time.

I know I should try harder to do what the nut says with it shake but not going to the store don't help any. im lazy, im angry, im sad, im tired. im bored.

and want to just give up not more hoping to lose weight no more wanting to struggle with the weight and getting healthy, im just tired of it all im to old for this right now anyway, im 50 why start now, well I been in a program since august and still have not lost what I needed to lose, I had three pounds to lose and I bet I didn't lose them by tomorrow.

all I do is think of food, all I want is real food, how can I stick to this pre op diet if I cant stop thinking about food. I even stopped going to the gym haven't been to the gym in two months, and this is my last month my membership expires on the 31st. I don't know if I do it again. I have at home all this work out things I don't even use and they gym I was going everyday and now nothing zero times.

I feel that I should just say what the hell give up don't think about it anymore don't try to lose weight anymore don't think about it anymore give up and continue with the life I have and be settle with it.

but then a friggen parg of my mind says no u want this, u deserve to be thinner and want this u have wanted it for many yrs all your life really since what late 20s I been fighting with the hell of weight lost. I cry, I yell I sleep, I get mad at myself, I write things down why I want to do this surgery and it all come back to I cant make myself stick to it no matter how bad I want this, so I guess I don't want it that much right, don't u agree with me.

like I should just give up and don't think about it anymore or care about it but like I said a damn other part of me tells me how much I want it and how healthy ill be.

I feel im losing it cant make up my mind and im so tired of it all. not tomorrow have to go to group and weigh in and cry bc I gained weight, what can I do to really make up my mind on this, I want it but then I don't then I don't care about it, well I think I don't care about but then I go and reread all the post and my guide book and make all these wonderful plan for the thinner me.

im in the dog house and cant get out.

[Rycherchick 147]

I don't know what to say to make you feel better other than to tell you that I went through all the same things you are going through now. I used to hate going out and only did so if I had to. I would half heartedly make myself up and go. Why bother right? Well I prayed to GOD to help me. I was so depressed in the cycle I was in. I prayed that if God made it somewhat easy on me and no complications that I would do my part abd be successful. Each step of the way was easy for me. My Dr required no Pre op diet and when I found that out I put on anadditional 4 pounds before surgery. I also did not have to lose any weight to have the surgery. I ate a BLT the night before my surgery. You have to do whatever it takes to do your part for the surgery. Once you lose the weight needed for surgery you will feel so proud. You know all those Plus size catalogs? Romans and Jessica London? I am still paying off their credit cards when I sized out of their clothes 6 mos ago. Even their smallest clothes are too big for me. I went shopping today and bought size medium sweaters at JCP and my last pair of jeans were skinny jeans at size 8. You can do this. I ate 1/4 of a hamburger and a few tator tots for dinner and I am full. You can do this honey. I lived on the Special K strawberry Protein shakes after my surgery. Good luck!

[Noor1969 150]

Last year I lost 60 pounds. I have gained nearly all of it back and have gained 10 pounds in the last month. I'm disgusted with myself too. I hear how frustrated you are with yourself. Whatever it takes, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start over. Every time I have seen my surgeon my weight has gone up. I'm not proud of myself, but all I can say is "tomorrow will be better" and try again. You can too.

I've been on my preop diet for a week now and have been so hungry at times that I've wanted to climb the walls. But I'm trying to remember how much I want this surgery and how badly I want to be healthy. You just have to want this no matter what. I know how hard it is but you can do it. You're not alone.

[Carlotta1 401]

The sleeve surgery has definitely curbed my appetite. I used to think about food the moment I wake up to the time I went to bed. Would vow everyday to start a new diet. But like u, by noon, I would give up. It is that deprivation , ot all or nothing mentality, that locks us.. Is a pre diet really necessary? . I did not have to do a pre op diet. However, at my initial dr appt I weighed 215. , at surgery date.. 205. I am 5'1. I lost the 10 pounds by cutting back. I was not at that point to give up my food pre surgery. Now I font have a choice since many thigs does not agree with me and I am most of the time, Not Hungry.

[Miss Mac 6,262]

Dear Heart, health and happiness are not going to come knocking on your front door with a basket of daisies. You want them.....so you get out there gurl and go after them!!!!! You will be so glad you did. When I was down and out in an abusive marriage years ago, my daughter encouraged me to get away and go back to college, at he age of 54. One thing she said to me would circle around in my head over and over. It's the quote from Wolfgang von Goethe on my signature here. "Whatever you can do, or dream you can........BEGIN IT....for boldness has genius, power, and magic in it."

That quote gave me the resolve to escape at 2:00 in the morning, go to a women's shelter, get a restraining order and a divorce, move 250 miles away and go back to school for my Bachelor's Degree in Business Management. So you get up tomorrow and go to your appointment with your head held high. You deserve good health as much as anybody else.

Now, about those groceries. You march right in that grocery store and pick up what you need. Let Karma take care of anyone who looks judgemental.

Walmart and Sam's sell Protein drinks cheaper than the places on line.

It is easier to eat 10 potato chips than 10 boiled eggs. That is why we need to eat our Protein first. We get far more nutritional bang for our buck.

Good luck with your weight loss journey. There are many of us over 50. This surgery has saved our lives.

[MNMema 82]

Hey honey. Just so you know, I was sleeved this past Tuesday and I'm 59. I hear what you are saying because I was saying the same things! I don't want to die fat!!! As far as the the preop diet, it's really a very hard mind game. Did your Dr. give you a specific diet to follow? If not, when you get a hunger attack, get out those fresh veggies. Otherwise, stock up on lite yogurt or lite greek yogurt. Eat a scrambled egg made in a spray and put it on a piece of toast. Cook up 1/2 C of macaroni which makes a cup, add a can of tuna(1/4 cup), cut up a total of 1 C. of celery and onion, or, if you prefer, add peas, then add 3 tbsp. lite miracle whip. I know it won't be juicy like we normally like it but you have no idea how much tuna salad this makes and you can have it all for 1 meal!!! You can do it!!!! I have faith!!! These are just a few ideas. I hope this helps even a little.. Good luck.

[nancy264 50]

hi all, well today I feel just a tiny better, couldn't sleep to much on my mind. its just idk what to do or feel anymore

[BigGirlPanties 957]

Glad today is a better day... you may not be getting enough on your pre-op diet... I remember the first day or two were difficult...but I had my mind set in the right way and then it was fine! Some people do struggle more than others...but find someone you can talk to...even if it is a therapist... it's an uphill battle, but YOU CAN DO IT!

[shadylady_57 54]

Glad today is a better day... you may not be getting enough on your pre-op diet... I remember the first day or two were difficult...but I had my mind set in the right way and then it was fine! Some people do struggle more than others...but find someone you can talk to...even if it is a therapist... it's an uphill battle, but YOU CAN DO IT!

I'm so glad your feeling better today. Maybe you could get some sf popsicles, and sweet freedom fudge sicles for in between Snacks.

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

i found this book really helpful. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1250004047/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_3?pf_rd_p=1535523722&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=1572245433&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=1CMCG65FZ5XBGX6WXTVR