A Proud and Successful Newbie :)

[melmommy04 23]

I probably have a bit more motivation than many already... Not bragging by any means so please I hope no one thinks that! February 19 (also my oldest's bday) will mark my moms 4 yr surgiversary. I watched her have a heart attack in 2006, then lie in a bed hooked up to a ventilator after a triple bypass bc her lungs were in such bad shape from smoking for so many years that they just wouldn't re-inflate and work on their own. Then onto gain about 80lbs more (she was already way over 300lbs at 5'0") over the next 4 years, during which time she developed type II diabetes, high cholesterol, and the "I can't" attitude. My stepdad finally convinced her to have RNY. She was TINY (size 8 148 lbs) when they met in 1997 and she was healthy... He wasn't so much worried that she was overweight bc he wasn't attracted to her, his concerns were for her health. I had great respect for the man he was! Well, she had her surgery, I had my youngest less than a month later. She was excited because she realized she was able to interact with him on a much healthier level. She lost somewhere around 100lbs the first 8 months. I watched her experience dumping. Become malnourished. And become depressed in a manner I'd never seen before. I thought I'd seen it all too working in group homes with MR/DD individuals. Over the last 2 years she's gained that 100 back plus about 20. In the last 6 months she's somehow managed to lose the 20 though. We lost my stepdad in June 2012. Her depression has spiraled and I can see she doesn't care much about anything. I also have a 13 yr old brother at home. I try to spend as much time, or rather let my kids, but she and I are like oil and Water. Every word out of her mouth about me is a lie. I mean, I don't think she really knows that she's doing it. She believes what she thinks. She certainly isn't the same person she was 10 yrs ago that's for sure. We know there was some brain trauma from her time on the ventilator so I don't know if that's what keeps her head in such a twist or what. Anyway, she's one to walk into a room and just out of the blue say "I can't believe how fat and lazy you are!" To me... She's not the nicest person. Very mentally abusive to all of us. She says the same thing to my daughter too. She's a dancer, hip hop, ballet, tap, and jazz. She's getting the preteen belly but she barely wears a 14 (girls) at 4'8". She's about 80-90lbs. Fluctuating. She's rock solid with muscle. She is becoming obsessed with her body. She runs, bikes, and exercises. Her own choices! This isn't the kind of childhood I wanted for her so we make every effort to keep her visits with my mom to a minimum. I have vowed to not turn into my mother. I'm not that hateful person. It doesn't have to be my way or no way. I'm tired of being overweight. I've been obese since 8 yrs old. I will be 32 this year. You can do the math. I want to be around to see my children grow up, graduate, graduate again, begin careers, marry, have children. If possible, see their children do the same also! I want to be able to wear my bf's clothes and tell him hahaha I'm wearing your T-shirt and I kinda like it. I want to say buh bye to the 9 different meds plus the insulin that I take. I want to go into local stores and buy that shirt and those pants that are super cute that I have to try on because I'm not sure they will fit! Not because I'm so big but because wow, I don't know if I need a size 10 or even a 12! I live in a small town. I have to order my clothes online because they don't sell size 32W around here. None of this motivates my mom. Maybe that is why my determination is so strong. Her lack of motivation is my motivation.

I posted somewhere else that I don't think she has stretched her pouch and could still make her RNY work to her advantage. I pray that she finds motivation in my journey and will take hers by the reigns and continue and be successful. She's my mom. I don't want to lose her at 52 or 53 yrs old. My brother deserves more than that. My children. And she herself does too. She did it for my stepdad. He's gone now. But there's still my brother and my babies that she could do it for if not for herself. She's made different comments about support groups. Like if I go, she will go with me. I would like that. Though I'm fairly certain there isn't a support group anywhere nearby for us to attend. This is where I'm doing some homework because I can start a support group if need be. If the need is there, I'm all for getting it together. She doesn't know this but she would tell me that I'm "full of sh*t and couldn't do it" anyway. Yeah, she's real supportive and encouraging! Lol I roll my eyes and keep on keepin on when I have to! Sorry for the mini book but this explains me. My motivation, determination. ME. (:

[*Misty*Raine* 192]

I probably have a bit more motivation than many already... Not bragging by any means so please I hope no one thinks that! February 19 (also my oldest's bday) will mark my moms 4 yr surgiversary. I watched her have a heart attack in 2006, then lie in a bed hooked up to a ventilator after a triple bypass bc her lungs were in such bad shape from smoking for so many years that they just wouldn't re-inflate and work on their own. Then onto gain about 80lbs more (she was already way over 300lbs at 5'0") over the next 4 years, during which time she developed type II diabetes, high cholesterol, and the "I can't" attitude. My stepdad finally convinced her to have RNY. She was TINY (size 8 148 lbs) when they met in 1997 and she was healthy... He wasn't so much worried that she was overweight bc he wasn't attracted to her, his concerns were for her health. I had great respect for the man he was! Well, she had her surgery, I had my youngest less than a month later. She was excited because she realized she was able to interact with him on a much healthier level. She lost somewhere around 100lbs the first 8 months. I watched her experience dumping. Become malnourished. And become depressed in a manner I'd never seen before. I thought I'd seen it all too working in group homes with MR/DD individuals. Over the last 2 years she's gained that 100 back plus about 20. In the last 6 months she's somehow managed to lose the 20 though. We lost my stepdad in June 2012. Her depression has spiraled and I can see she doesn't care much about anything. I also have a 13 yr old brother at home. I try to spend as much time, or rather let my kids, but she and I are like oil and Water. Every word out of her mouth about me is a lie. I mean, I don't think she really knows that she's doing it. She believes what she thinks. She certainly isn't the same person she was 10 yrs ago that's for sure. We know there was some brain trauma from her time on the ventilator so I don't know if that's what keeps her head in such a twist or what. Anyway, she's one to walk into a room and just out of the blue say "I can't believe how fat and lazy you are!" To me... She's not the nicest person. Very mentally abusive to all of us. She says the same thing to my daughter too. She's a dancer, hip hop, ballet, tap, and jazz. She's getting the preteen belly but she barely wears a 14 (girls) at 4'8". She's about 80-90lbs. Fluctuating. She's rock solid with muscle. She is becoming obsessed with her body. She runs, bikes, and exercises. Her own choices! This isn't the kind of childhood I wanted for her so we make every effort to keep her visits with my mom to a minimum. I have vowed to not turn into my mother. I'm not that hateful person. It doesn't have to be my way or no way. I'm tired of being overweight. I've been obese since 8 yrs old. I will be 32 this year. You can do the math. I want to be around to see my children grow up, graduate, graduate again, begin careers, marry, have children. If possible, see their children do the same also! I want to be able to wear my bf's clothes and tell him hahaha I'm wearing your T-shirt and I kinda like it. I want to say buh bye to the 9 different meds plus the insulin that I take. I want to go into local stores and buy that shirt and those pants that are super cute that I have to try on because I'm not sure they will fit! Not because I'm so big but because wow, I don't know if I need a size 10 or even a 12! I live in a small town. I have to order my clothes online because they don't sell size 32W around here. None of this motivates my mom. Maybe that is why my determination is so strong. Her lack of motivation is my motivation. I posted somewhere else that I don't think she has stretched her pouch and could still make her RNY work to her advantage. I pray that she finds motivation in my journey and will take hers by the reigns and continue and be successful. She's my mom. I don't want to lose her at 52 or 53 yrs old. My brother deserves more than that. My children. And she herself does too. She did it for my stepdad. He's gone now. But there's still my brother and my babies that she could do it for if not for herself. She's made different comments about support groups. Like if I go, she will go with me. I would like that. Though I'm fairly certain there isn't a support group anywhere nearby for us to attend. This is where I'm doing some homework because I can start a support group if need be. If the need is there, I'm all for getting it together. She doesn't know this but she would tell me that I'm "full of sh*t and couldn't do it" anyway. Yeah, she's real supportive and encouraging! Lol I roll my eyes and keep on keepin on when I have to! Sorry for the mini book but this explains me. My motivation, determination. ME. (:

Your mom sounds like my mom. I haven't told my mom I'm even having RNY cause she's already said.." It's the easy way out and only people that can't do it the right way, do that surgery". So that being said, no reason to sabatoge myself for her to feel good. She is over 400 lbs and won't do a thing about it. If she knows I'm on a diet at 220 lbs, she tells me to shuddup and eat... I'm being an idiot. She has no meaning of support! So that being said.... There are tons of ppl here that will support you in ur journey and everyday life! I have made so many good friends on this site that let me vent about everything! You will love it here! Welcome aboard!!!

[melmommy04 23]

Thank you! Surprisingly enough my mom is both supportive and not supportive. Yeah, makes no sense. She's happy for me. Giving me advice ,which I get annoyed with and end up telling her to practice what she preaches.. She complains about the things I eat... For example, she had a tupperware container on the dining room table full of Cookies and one full of different fudges/candies. I'd had the most intense craving for sweets. Being diabetic, I usually won't touch anything with sugar in it.. I knew she had some PB Cookies in one.. I made the cookies. I knew exactly the amounts of sugar in each of the different recipes. I broke it in half, gave my son half. I nibbled on the other half. She came unglued! Literally as she reached for her 2nd or 3rd piece of fudge. WW3 commenced right there...

And she's been telling me lately that her biggest problem was not having a support group to attend. She needs it. Which I'm sooooo thankful to find these forums/groups online!! We do NOT have a support group closer than 1 hr 15 min drive ... :/