Your MOST embarrassing experience? Spill it people!

[Wheetsin 714]

Been a rough week, this will be a nice change of pace/thought.

This is hard because I really don't get embarassed, even over things that I know would mortify others. I have quick "oh crap" reactions, but then it's "oh well". Hmm...

I had a "Something About Mary" moment once. Before the movie came out. I swear they got that idea from our camping incident. Funny that would be brought up already. It was with DH. We were camping and I'm big on being able to shower after - you know. I just can't stand the feeling lubed... and just trying to wipe it away doesn't cut it for me. Sorry, TMI, but you gotta do what you gotta do. And I don't use public showers. So I told DH ok, but he would have to pull out. How the fark do I tell this without it sounding like a porn? He pulls out and is kneeling/straddling me as he finishes. I'm helping him out. Right as he starts to "arrive", I get this HUGE leg cramp (come on ladies, we've all been there) and have to pull my leg up, which hits his arm/hand and makes him loosen his grip so he wasn't able to "contain" his ...guys... hopefully you know what I'm talking about. So ok, we'll have a little mess to clean up, no biggie, except we can't freaking find it. We're looking everywhere - on the tent walls, on the sleeping bag... on the flashlight... and I'll be a son of a bitch but we can't find his guys anywhere. And I'm thinking - maybe he did one of those weird things where the guy orgasms without ejaculating, because there is no ejaculate in this tent (my husband the tantric???). We're baffled, but our friends are calling us to come out so we can eat, figuring we're just missing it in one of the folds of the sleeping bags or something. We go out, eat, socialize, all is well. And then I notice people are looking at me funny. Don't think a single thing about it, my hair must be messed up. Get paranoid enough to reach up there and check it out, and my hair is all gooey. Wtf? Oh! Yep, there it is, on my head. Mostly on my hair, and somehow pooled at my hairline. Don't ask me, I can't explain it.

But see... it didn't embarass me. It went something like:

Me - Why the F didn't you guys tell me I had spooge in my hair?

Friend 1 - I couldn't figure out what it was.

Friend 5 - I thought it was a bug.

Friend 2 - I though that's what it was, but how the hell did it get there?

Me - We were looking EVERYWHERE for that.

DH - Is easily embarassed, and just kind of sits there before sliding into a fetal position.

Friend 6 - *takes a picture*

[Tired_Old_Man 1]

For a person who doesn't get embarrassed, you used more euphemisms and slang expressions...

[Wheetsin 714]

Not for my own sake. Like I said - had a hard time writing it without it sounding like a porn.

[Tired_Old_Man 1]

Not for my own sake. Like I said - had a hard time writing it without it sounding like a porn.

So what if you would have sounded like a porn queen!!

The only people reading this is a bunch of women and little old harmless me.:angel:

[Tired_Old_Man 1]

Well, maybe Jack and TommyO, too.:gossip:

[ihomeschool4 0]

Tears are rolling down my face!!!!!

That's hilarious!! Oh my gosh!!!

I needed a laugh...does this mean I have to share one of mine?!?!

I'll have to ponder this for a while and try and remember a good one!!!

[Kat817 19]

Yes TOM---but if she had sounded like a porn queen, then possibly a bunch of us women would have to go and see if we could bring out the tantric side of our husbands!!!

I once tried coming out of our tent looking very nonchalant, took 2 steps and my panties fell out of my pant leg---no wonder I couldn't find the damn things!!! Must be something about the fresh air when you're camping!!!

Kat

[Wheetsin 714]

Oh my Kat, that happened to me once, walking in to work. I'd grabbed some jeans from the dryer late at night because I had to make a quick run to the store. When I took the jeans off, I took underwear off at the same time. DIdn't think twice about it, laid the jeans out to wear the next day. Next day I put on underwear, put on jeans, go in to work. Where I worked then there was a 5ish min walk from the parking lot to the building. Get in the building, log in, get a drink, etc. Morning rush comes and goes. Then I remember I'd left some papers in my car that I needed for a meeting later that morning, so I walk back out and about 15ft from my car, there are last night's underwear, laying in the middle of the sidewalk. Theyy must have gotten scrunched in the pant leg, and worked their way out as I was walking.

What do you do? I kept walking, like I didn't notice them. Got my papers out of my car. While I'm getting the papers out, the security guard walks by, sees them, PICKS THEM UP, looks at them, walks over and drapes them on the "employee parking only" sign. Then he says to me, "Can you believe it? Some hussy left her underwear on the sidwalk after whatever fun she had here last night." I said, "Makes me jealous." I go in, finish my day, come out and they're still there, hanging on the sign in front of my car. I never did claim them. That probably would have embarassed me.

When I came in the next day, they had been removed.

[puddin 7]

Oh you guys are FUNNY!!!

Seems like these things have a lot to do with body parts. Mine came as a senior in high school. I was on the diving board during swim class, the entire class looking up at me, waiting for me to jump, when one of the boys in class yelled "Hey cupie doll! Can I pull your string?" Yeah, I was on my period at the time and the really fun string was sticking straight out and the nice boy happened to notice it and point it out to everyone. I just quickly dove in and then stayed underwater as LOOOOONG as possible.

[o2bthin 0]

OMG Wheetsin! ROFLPIMP!!

[Tired_Old_Man 1]

OK. I am going to tell another story that happened to me and I am going to skip all the euphemisms and slang expressions, and tell it like it was.

My wife and I were out one Sunday morning and we decided to drive to my step-father's home to check on it. He was in a nursing home and I was his legal guardian. The area were he lived had gone downhill and there was prostitution, drugs and other crimes prevalent in that area. It fact, two blocks away was a stroll (a place were inexpensive street walkers pick up "Johns" for car sex).

Because my step-father's home was empty, it was a good place to stop the car for sex, I assumed, because I had driven up on "rocking cars" a few times when going over to feed my step-father's birds before deciding to take them to our home to make it easier to care for them.

Well, I checked on my step-father's house and everything was ok, so we drove over to one of our favorite restaurants near that area for some Sunday morning brunch. While sitting at a Red Light, I looked down at the area where my feet are and saw something on my left shoe. I looked and looked and then started to reach down for it, when I realized what it was. It was a condom, used and full of semen.

The first thing I thought of was "How do I explain a used, full condom in my car?" I was on the 3pm to 11:30pm shift at work and was held overtime about 45 minutes on the previous night because of an emergency and one guy showing up late. Normal overtime is 4 hours and Tina was shocked that I hadn't called her to tell her that I was working OT, but in those pre-cell phone days, it was impossible to get to a phone.

So picture this, I had gotten home late last night and there is a used condom in my car.

Well I did the only thing possible, I let Tina out at the restaurant door to put our name on the waiting list, while I found a place in the crowded parking lot to park the car. Then very gingerly I sacrificed my handkerchief to get rid of the misleading evidence. It was a small sacrifice to make.

[Alexandra 55]

Oh these are priceless. Here's mine, and of course, it has to do with a bodily function:

It's the early 90s. I'm a member of a ski club with a goodly circle of new friends and had a new boyfriend to boot (DH). Nice as it was, I was the "newbie" having only been a member for a year. Everyone else had been tight for a long time.

I'm living the studio basement apartment of a house owned by one of these friends. This apartment had been recently created, with a bathroom added by contractors who are also friends and members of the club. One of the contractors happened to be the most gorgeous guy--you know, the BMOC that every club has to have and the one who melts the ladies hearts when he talks to them. We'll call him Jake.

So, back to the apartment: DH (remember, he's then only a new boyfriend) and I are in the shower when suddenly the drain backs up. So I called the homeowner and she called the contractors, and a day or two goes by and it's all fixed. At the next meeting of the ski club DH and I ran into Jake, the sexy gorgeous contractor, and casually asked him what the problem had been, glad of something to talk to him about.

He launches right in to the plumbing report right in the middle of this very crowded room filled with my new social circle: Evidently, since the wastewater has to be pumped uphill to be removed from this below-grade apartment, it is unwise to flush used tampons.

Oh. My. God. Thinking about it now makes me want to sink into the floor.

[synicalchick 0]

Holy freaking pig farts y'all are making me LAUGH! :pound:

Wheetisin, I nearly feel out of my chair with your 'recalled conversation' and love that it ended with a friend wanting to take a picture....

[badonkadonkbutt 1]

I was the director of a social services office for 15 years and we had a row of sturdy but not very attractive chairs in the reception/waiting area.

One day a very large lady came in and took a seat. The chair broke, with a loud "CRACK" that almost made the staff dive for the floor, thinking "drive by". Most of my clients would have threatened to sue us, but not this lady. She got up, dusted herself off, and very calmly said, "I trust that chair was broken before I sat in it." I quickly assured her that yes, I was SURE it was.

OMG! Thought it was a driveby......now that is funny! We are all going to hell for laughing about this stuff you know that don't you :pound:

[Kat817 19]

OMG! Thought it was a driveby......now that is funny! We are all going to hell for laughing about this stuff you know that don't you :pound:

One thing about it---if that turns out to be true---we'll be in good company---and all be there together to get even with the morons who laughed AT US!!!!

Kat