The Fat Friend?

[Disabledaccount 154]

Have always been the biggest gal out of my friends and it's always bugged me. I didn't tell a soul about the surgery and now I wondering how my relationships are going to change once I start to look different. People are already commenting on how little I eat and I've been avoiding activities that are centered around food saying I'm trying to focus on getting fit which is true. I read so many stories about people losing friends and it baffles me but then I realize that each one of us has a role we play in relationships and unknown to us we might be the one that makes our friends feel comfortable or sadly superior because we're non threatening. So I wonder for both guys and girls how did you friendships change as you lost weight. For the better or worse?

[vsggirl 33]

Congrats on your weight loss, first of all you don't owe anybody an explanation. If you don't want them to know, just stick with I am working on me and my health trying to make better choices with smaller portions. Which is the truth! Take time to focus on your healing and your weight loss, true friends will always be around!

[dreamscometrue 262]

Have always been the biggest gal out of my friends and it's always bugged me. I didn't tell a soul about the surgery and now I wondering how my relationships are going to change once I start to look different. People are already commenting on how little I eat and I've been avoiding activities that are centered around food saying I'm trying to focus on getting fit which is true. I read so many stories about people losing friends and it baffles me but then I realize that each one of us has a role we play in relationships and unknown to us we might be the one that makes our friends feel comfortable or sadly superior because we're non threatening. So I wonder for both guys and girls how did you friendships change as you lost weight. For the better or worse?

I feel like I could have written this post myself! I, like you, did not tell any friends, and have always been the largest of all my friends.

They all know I'm working out/eating right but they've heard me do that several times over the years so I'm pretty sure they just assume I will gain back whatever weight I lose. I'm so curious to see how people respond to this question!

[cookier224 238]

I have not lost any friends but they do treat me differently. They r now my food police and watch every thing I eat. Always asking "can u eat that?" It's funny sometimes, they think we only have baby food I guess. I didn't tell most of them until I had the surgery. I'm 15 months out and now the smallest of them. Of course they feel I'm too small lol I wear a 6 and i am 5'4. It's taken them sometime but it's getting back to normal. Buy it was weird for awhile. I tried not to talk about it with them so I used this site to Celebrate all my successes, like pound lost and sizes lost.

[DLCoggin 1,788]

Is it possible that as individuals we have different definitions of "friends"? Most of us "know" lots of folks. But true "friends"? In my case, that's a whole different story. Most of us (including myself) use the word "friend" just about every day in one context or another. But a closer examination reveals that folks who I truly consider to be real "friends" is a pretty short list. Real friends don't care what your weight is. Real friends are there for your successes and your failures. Real friends Celebrate your victories and applaud your decision to take charge of your health and your life. The bond with real friends is based on mutual respect, trust and love. By that definition, was any "friendship" that might end as the result of this life changing surgery a "friend" to begin with?

That does not mean that painful losses have not occurred or will not continue to occur. Faced with the possibility, or even the reality, we each have to weigh the potential loss against the long list of potentially phenomenal gains. How much of almost every aspect of our health and our life are we willing to sacrifice in the name of "friendship"? At what point, if any, can the cost of "friendship" simply be too high?

[terry1118 1,274]

Since I got married in 1982 there has been not much time for friends. Friendships take time to nurture and maintain - time that family life often doesn't allow. My husband has been my constant friend and my grown children are now my friends. Other people who I have called 'friend' over the years have been friends of convenience - people from various jobs, parents of my kids friends, people from school, neighbors with shared interests, and one friend I met while walking my dog because we both had Basset Hounds and loved them. They have come and gone as our schedules/interests/locations have changed. I have loved each of them and sometimes still see them and am very happy when I do. We catch up, promise to get together (and sometimes really do), exchange a hug, and go on our way. I am fortunate to have lived long in a small community and have made many 'friends'. :-)

Twice I have had 'friends' who turned out to be bad choices. Immature, jealous, and vindictive people who have used me and hurt me. I learned a long time ago that people like this don't matter even a little bit in my life. The people who REALLY matter are the ones I go home to every night. Theirs are the only opinions that matter to me, the ones whose good opinions I want to keep. They are the ones who know me, love me, support me, and would never do anything to hurt me.

If someone hurts you they are not your friend. You don't need people like that. You deserve better and more importantly, you need to BELIEVE that you deserve better. Be strong, be proud, and be happy! Soon you'll meet people who will like and appreciate the person you are now. The happier, more confident you!. :-)

[Dorian 683]

Is it possible that as individuals we have different definitions of "friends"? Most of us "know" lots of folks. But true "friends"? In my case, that's a whole different story. Most of us (including myself) use the word "friend" just about every day in one context or another. But a closer examination reveals that folks who I truly consider to be real "friends" is a pretty short list. Real friends don't care what your weight is. Real friends are there for your successes and your failures. Real friends Celebrate your victories and applaud your decision to take charge of your health and your life. The bond with real friends is based on mutual respect, trust and love. By that definition, was any "friendship" that might end as the result of this life changing surgery a "friend" to begin with?

That does not mean that painful losses have not occurred or will not continue to occur. Faced with the possibility, or even the reality, we each have to weigh the potential loss against the long list of potentially phenomenal gains. How much of almost every aspect of our health and our life are we willing to sacrifice in the name of "friendship"? At what point, if any, can the cost of "friendship" simply be too high?

Very true DL! I just had this discussion with my mom the other day! I had a person I called my bff. After wls and back surgery, I found that she was really only a drinking buddy that I used to work with. She has been basically non existent in two of the biggest challenges I have faced. It hurt that she wasn't there to support me. Sometimes you just have to move on and focus on those who have always been there, all of the time.

Edited January 12, 2014 by Dorian

[dreamscometrue 262]

Have always been the biggest gal out of my friends and it's always bugged me. I didn't tell a soul about the surgery and now I wondering how my relationships are going to change once I start to look different. People are already commenting on how little I eat and I've been avoiding activities that are centered around food saying I'm trying to focus on getting fit which is true. I read so many stories about people losing friends and it baffles me but then I realize that each one of us has a role we play in relationships and unknown to us we might be the one that makes our friends feel comfortable or sadly superior because we're non threatening. So I wonder for both guys and girls how did you friendships change as you lost weight. For the better or worse?

So I've just caught up on this thread's responses and I'm wondering if you are thinking the same thing I am.... Why are people not even answering the question that you asked?! Ha! People, she just wanted to know if you have had any friends that have treated you differently since you have lost weight, not life stories on why you don't need any friends in your life because you don't need them. That's not even a realistic statement for a social interactive human being! Of course we need friends, and it is healthy for each of us to have friends outside of our husbands and children. And honestly, I think there are many people on here that have run into snide comments from close friends after having WLS. I have chosen not to tell anyone other than my husband and I've received a few snarky comments like, "Why aren't you drinking.... Oh, is this another one of your "fad" diets... Oh and you aren't eating bread either, well that's no fun!" These were all said from our closest couple that now we live one state apart so at 10 days post op, they obviously could not see any weight loss. Now being almost a month post op, I'll be seeing that same couple at the end of February and I'm curious what comments I'll receive!

[*Misty*Raine* 192]

Is it possible that as individuals we have different definitions of "friends"? Most of us "know" lots of folks. But true "friends"? In my case, that's a whole different story. Most of us (including myself) use the word "friend" just about every day in one context or another. But a closer examination reveals that folks who I truly consider to be real "friends" is a pretty short list. Real friends don't care what your weight is. Real friends are there for your successes and your failures. Real friends Celebrate your victories and applaud your decision to take charge of your health and your life. The bond with real friends is based on mutual respect, trust and love. By that definition, was any "friendship" that might end as the result of this life changing surgery a "friend" to begin with? That does not mean that painful losses have not occurred or will not continue to occur. Faced with the possibility, or even the reality, we each have to weigh the potential loss against the long list of potentially phenomenal gains. How much of almost every aspect of our health and our life are we willing to sacrifice in the name of "friendship"? At what point, if any, can the cost of "friendship" simply be too high?

I somehow missed this post! But my thoughts (not that they're important or anything!) but here's what I think!

I think you are a complete genius! I love everything you just said! It's true that sometimes we do tend to loosely over use the word friend. I'm guilty of it as well. My best friend Beth, has been in my life or years. She's seen the good, bad, and really ugly divorce, and yet not once was I judged. She knows I am doing WLS, and she is totally supportive! She is making sure I make all my appts by keeping my lil kiddos while I do the appts, she has listened to the endless rants about Protein shakes, and is even keeping the kiddos while I have the surgery. That to me is the REAL friend. She is the one that I call all the and rant or rave to and I never get judged. That's a friend!

If we are afraid to tell people that we are having the surgery, then maybe they're more of an associate than a friend. Not that it is a bad thing, but I think it is really important to realize the difference within ourselves.

Our friends will support us when others won't. And that is a great thing. However if you don't have that special person in your life, this site is amazing for support! I use both to vent what I'm feeling, my successes, and sometimes to just chatter. I hope this makes sense to just one person! Lol and like I've always said.... If you want a straight shooter to talk to... DL is the perfect person to talk to! He's got tons of experience and knowledge to share!!! Happy Tuesday y'all!!

[*Misty*Raine* 192]

So I've just caught up on this thread's responses and I'm wondering if you are thinking the same thing I am.... Why are people not even answering the question that you asked?! Ha! People, she just wanted to know if you have had any friends that have treated you differently since you have lost weight, not life stories on why you don't need any friends in your life because you don't need them. That's not even a realistic statement for a social interactive human being! Of course we need friends, and it is healthy for each of us to have friends outside of our husbands and children. And honestly, I think there are many people on here that have run into snide comments from close friends after having WLS. I have chosen not to tell anyone other than my husband and I've received a few snarky comments like, "Why aren't you drinking.... Oh, is this another one of your "fad" diets... Oh and you aren't eating bread either, well that's no fun!" These were all said from our closest couple that now we live one state apart so at 10 days post op, they obviously could not see any weight loss. Now being almost a month post op, I'll be seeing that same couple at the end of February and I'm curious what comments I'll receive!

I believe that question WAS answered! A real friend would support you and NOT treat someone different for WLS, and a real friend would support her decision reguardless! So to answer her question.... If they're treating u different they're not real friends, was the answer. Yes people in general will treat you differently ... But your real friends WONT!!

[DLCoggin 1,788]

Is it possible that as individuals we have different definitions of "friends"? Most of us "know" lots of folks. But true "friends"? In my case, that's a whole different story. Most of us (including myself) use the word "friend" just about every day in one context or another. But a closer examination reveals that folks who I truly consider to be real "friends" is a pretty short list. Real friends don't care what your weight is. Real friends are there for your successes and your failures. Real friends Celebrate your victories and applaud your decision to take charge of your health and your life. The bond with real friends is based on mutual respect, trust and love. By that definition, was any "friendship" that might end as the result of this life changing surgery a "friend" to begin with? That does not mean that painful losses have not occurred or will not continue to occur. Faced with the possibility, or even the reality, we each have to weigh the potential loss against the long list of potentially phenomenal gains. How much of almost every aspect of our health and our life are we willing to sacrifice in the name of "friendship"? At what point, if any, can the cost of "friendship" simply be too high?

I somehow missed this post! But my thoughts (not that they're important or anything!) but here's what I think!

I think you are a complete genius! I love everything you just said! It's true that sometimes we do tend to loosely over use the word friend. I'm guilty of it as well. My best friend Beth, has been in my life or years. She's seen the good, bad, and really ugly divorce, and yet not once was I judged. She knows I am doing WLS, and she is totally supportive! She is making sure I make all my appts by keeping my lil kiddos while I do the appts, she has listened to the endless rants about Protein shakes, and is even keeping the kiddos while I have the surgery. That to me is the REAL friend. She is the one that I call all the and rant or rave to and I never get judged. That's a friend!

If we are afraid to tell people that we are having the surgery, then maybe they're more of an associate than a friend. Not that it is a bad thing, but I think it is really important to realize the difference within ourselves.

Our friends will support us when others won't. And that is a great thing. However if you don't have that special person in your life, this site is amazing for support! I use both to vent what I'm feeling, my successes, and sometimes to just chatter. I hope this makes sense to just one person! Lol and like I've always said.... If you want a straight shooter to talk to... DL is the perfect person to talk to! He's got tons of experience and knowledge to share!!! Happy Tuesday y'all!!

I'm certainly not a genius and you certainly have a terrific friend! I enjoyed reading your post. You guys have a great day!

[*Misty*Raine* 192]

Thank you DL! You are real a gem! Hope y'all have a fabulous day as well. *toodles*