Hello! Family knows more than Dr's!

[splitswitch 0]

Hi everyone! Just wanted to introduce myself to this forum. I just got back from my Seminar, and had a private consultation with UC Davis Bariatrics center. And as I have known all along I qualify for WLS, with the Co-morbidies I've struggled with for years. HBP I'm on 3 medications, I have sleep apnea and GERD. Like all of us I've attempted diet and exercise with moderate success, even spent a year on phentermine (speed as they should call it) felt like a tweaker.. Anyways weight came back more and more. So I agree with the Staff, I'm ready for a permanent change in my ways of eating, and I'm ready to make the sacrifices needed in exchange for a longer time stay on this earth.

Problem is I'm all alone. My Wife and I cannot even attempt to approach talking about this with out turning into a screaming match. She refuses to read any literature. She's of the opinion that I'm "being a pussy" and that I am taking the easy way out. My mother who because she copies "medical records" she qualifies herself as a health care professional. Who seems to think living with HBP and sleep apnea is better that this "risky" surgery..

I'll admit that I do not have as much to loose as others. My BMI is 36.. I'm 5'7 and 233 lbs today.. But it climbs every month. I am also "young" according to my family approaching 40, but I am the only one that takes 5 pills a day everyday. My wife and family are of all a healthy weight. It's amazing the people that have the best diet and exercise advice, eat the same as you do, and ride the couch the same time you do and never gain a pound.

Sorry for being long winded, I'm just trying to vent here, and maybe get some words of advice from people that have been through this with unsupportive people in your corner. I know I'm doing this for ME. I told my Wife I'd like to be doing this for her too and our Son. But I'm not backing down., I'm all aboard.. Just hope this won't damage my marriage..

[SnowDaisy 73]

Trying to edit

Edited January 11, 2014 by SnowDaisy

[SnowDaisy 73]

Your family love you and they are scared.

But if you qualify and if the docs think you'd do better with a procedure and it would improve your current medical issues, then you might want to include your family when you go for your appointments and perhaps if possible another seminar.

Get someone who has had the surgery you want to talk to your family.

I'm trying to think what I'd do if my husband was disapproving of me getting surgery....we always make decisions together but with my quality of life right now and my low self esteem...I think I'd do what I needed to do.

Good luck

[Sallyawbc 46]

I'm so sorry to hear of your lack of support with your family. I live with my older sister and she is over weight, never diets and is more afraid of what will happen to her if something happens to me. Luckily the majority of friends I have told have been very supportive. All I can say is you have my support!!! If someone has never been over weight, they have no idea how you feel. Sometimes you have to just ignore all else and stand up for ME. I don't know if they are afraid you will change or afraid of the surgery but I wish you the best!!!! I am waiting anxiously for my date and hope you keep posting here so you receive support from those who know how you feel.

[YoColeFleet 246]

Hi everyone! Just wanted to introduce myself to this forum. I just got back from my Seminar, and had a private consultation with UC Davis Bariatrics center. And as I have known all along I qualify for WLS, with the Co-morbidies I've struggled with for years. HBP I'm on 3 medications, I have sleep apnea and GERD. Like all of us I've attempted diet and exercise with moderate success, even spent a year on phentermine (speed as they should call it) felt like a tweaker.. Anyways weight came back more and more. So I agree with the Staff, I'm ready for a permanent change in my ways of eating, and I'm ready to make the sacrifices needed in exchange for a longer time stay on this earth. Problem is I'm all alone. My Wife and I cannot even attempt to approach talking about this with out turning into a screaming match. She refuses to read any literature. She's of the opinion that I'm "being a *****" and that I am taking the easy way out. My mother who because she copies "medical records" she qualifies herself as a health care professional. Who seems to think living with HBP and sleep apnea is better that this "risky" surgery.. I'll admit that I do not have as much to loose as others. My BMI is 36.. I'm 5'7 and 233 lbs today.. But it climbs every month. I am also "young" according to my family approaching 40, but I am the only one that takes 5 pills a day everyday. My wife and family are of all a healthy weight. It's amazing the people that have the best diet and exercise advice, eat the same as you do, and ride the couch the same time you do and never gain a pound. Sorry for being long winded, I'm just trying to vent here, and maybe get some words of advice from people that have been through this with unsupportive people in your corner. I know I'm doing this for ME. I told my Wife I'd like to be doing this for her too and our Son. But I'm not backing down., I'm all aboard.. Just hope this won't damage my marriage..

Your family is afraid of change, they are afraid of what would become of the new you. My husband did not support me at all, in the beginning, because I qualified for WLS because of co-morbidities, I received a lot of flack from some family and friends, but at the end of the day, you got to do what's best for your health. 7 months later, my husband realized the only thing that changed about me is my dress size, and he love it...your family will have to adjust and accept your decision to be healthy.

[bloreorbust 286]

Hey, even in situations where you "don't have as much to lose", everyone's body handles extra weight differently and sometimes even a smaller amount over that threshold causes serious medical issues as you're experiencing.

Try to give them time to come around. Let them see how much work really goes into this whole process. But stay the course. If you think this is right for you, then your family is going to have to accept that one way or another. Tell your wife you're doing this in order to have a longer and healthier life with her and your children. You're tired of suffering with this excess weight and this is the help you need to handle it. Then just don't talk about it anymore for a while. Keep on planning and doing the appointments you need to, but let it all sink in with her for a while.

As for your mother who thinks she is a medical professional, point her to the studies and reviews from medical professionals. Those will clearly state the relatively low risk of gastric bypass surgery, and the mountain of evidence that points to the positive effects it has on health. The rate of death is between 1-3% overall for gastric bypass, and even less for surgeon's who have performed more precedures. The rate of complications directly related to surgery is around 10%. I bet those are a lot lower than your current risk of heart attack, stroke, and sudden death due to the health conditions you currently have. Help her with the information she needs to weigh the risks against the rewards.

I wish all the best for you in your journey. You will find support here and a wealth of helpful and caring individuals. Welcome.

[chellee1971 1]

I don't know how I would have managed the whole process with out my husband's support. The choice to have this surgery, to hopefully better your health, is ultimately your decision for yourself. You're giving yourself the gift of a new start. Hopefully your family will come to realize your doing this for your future to be healthy with them, and they should support your positive decisions for yourself regardless of their opinions. Good Luck in your process!

[DLCoggin 1,788]

Tough situation. Most of us including yourself could offer all kinds of statistics proving the safety and effectiveness of gastric bypass. But that's not likely to be a solution for folks who are unwilling to listen. But a couple of ideas come to mind.

First, it takes two to have a screaming match. If you simply decide not to participate, that particular symptom of the underlying problem goes away. There's usually no upside to screaming matches and your wife will quickly appreciate the fact that it simply isn't an option. That in and of itself may encourage her to take a more objective look at your concerns and desires.

Second, your situation is not uncommon. As others have said, negative reactions are often based on fear. And fear is often irrational. But many have discovered that once it becomes clear that you are committed to having the surgery for your health, for your quality of life, and yes - for your family...once folks come to that realization, they often accept it. Or at the very least they become resigned to the fact that your decision is not going to change. Regardless of how small, even that resignation is a baby step in the right direction.

Finally, consider doing everything you can to take your wife's mind off of the surgery and focused on the fact that she and your marriage and your family are of utmost importance to you. Date nights, flowers, unexpected gifts, family play time - anything you can do to remind everyone how much you have to be thankful for and how thankful you are to have them in your life.

There are so many great folks here that are ready and willing to offer any help they can. Ask questions and come back often. We do indeed understand where you're coming from and many of us have had similar challenges. We're here to help!

You're gonna love the new you! And when all is said and done, so are they!!