To tell or not to tell?

[carson's mom 2]

Why do I have shame that I had wls and feel like it is a cop-out when it is the hardest thing I've ever done? (Had sleeve done a week ago) . I'm not at a point where people will notice weight loss yet, but want to be prepared for questions. Was thinking of saying I'm on a medically supervised hi Protein lo cal liquid diet (which is technically not lying). I've told all of my family and close friends about surgery so it's not really a secret. I'm talking about co-workers and the random general public. Why do I feel like I'm gonna have to tell them? It's really nobody's biz, but for some reason I always find myself blabbing unnecessary details about my life. Just wondering if anyone else struggled w this and how you handled?

[kmiller13137 17]

Hi Carson's Mom,

I am pre-op so I'm not sure if it's fair for me to even reply to your post but I will anyways. Congrats on your recent surgery and I hope you're healing well. I struggled with who to tell pre-surgery within my group of family and friends. I made a tough decision and only told a few trusted friends and family members. I understand your concern about later on down the road though. I kind of have the same question. Woindering how my coworkers will react, and if they will ask questions. I think that my answer will just simply be "diet and excersize." There is no lie in that response. Cheers, and good luck on your journey.

[jewintheridge 26]

I have told everyone...I'm not ashamed of it at all but I completely understand the fear.obesity is views by most as a choice.we are just lazy over indulgent people that can't put down the food.i believe it is far more then that.i believe these surgeries are an important boundary for us.people are going to judge you either way.we know how hard this journey is .im post op a week and still on liquids..I have several more weeks before I can eat anything solid..we have to completely modify the way we treat and use food now the rest of our lives.most people don't understand and don't care to understand it.it makes them feel better to just judge.you made the right decision with this surgery and can hold your head held high.its ultimately your decision who you tell but try to let go what others will feel about it.they don't live your life,pay your bills or anything else.we are all great,wonderful,strong and incredibly courageous people to make this journey.believe it!!!!best of luck.

[Carlotta1 401]

I agree. Except for my immediate family..no one else.. Daughters and hubby.

I feel ok with this. And we will lose by watching what w eat.. High orotein and exercise.

Don't be ashamed. I did this for my sake. ..not to be judged by people who will easily judge me and who do not really understandithe hardships I have been through with my weight for years . I don't need to explain to anyone.

[Nate74 45]

Carson's mom it's up to you what you what you tell them if you want tell them your eating healthier and working out which would also be telling the truth. i will say i am a little over a year post op but have never stepped in a gym i don't have time with my schedule but i do workouts at home but it worked for me as i'm 230lbs down. There will be people that will ask a lot of questions about what you can eat and things like that if you tell them but there will also be people that say you didn't need it or you took the easy way out. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and just understand that their opinion does not matter as your doing this for you, your health, and to feel better about yourself. I get people that ask me all the time what can i eat things like that but i've been pretty open about it and they usuall ask questions about it and seem pretty interested. I would like to say congratulations to you on the start of your journey and look forward to seeing updates of your progress as you continue on your path to a happier healthier you.

[hopeful2 be slim 121]

even I am not keen on telling my co workers...they will only gossip and talk bad...besides I did lap band..2 yrs ago .it didnt help much...now going for sleeve...so better keep mum..

maybe after a year if results are excellent i can disclose.

[Sarahjane79 397]

I can totally relate with not wanting to tell anyone... But I'm opposite. I could yell it from the mountain tops, and have NO problem with telling just about anyone I'm having this surgery. Mostly because I'm so excited and ready for this journey. And I see it as taking life by the horns, and doing what I need to do to get healthy. It's amazing that almost everyone I tell has someone they know that's has done it, and tell me "good for you, it's going to be amazing!" I've yet to have anyone be a downer.

But I think you do what's best for you.

[jdmama911 224]

It's a pretty personal decision to decide to tell others or not about or WLS. I however am a shout it from the rooftop type of person lol

Im proud of my decision to take control of my life, so I share. Only once did I not feel the need to disclose my surgery, and I said I was just watching what I ate. (Super catty woman whom I will probably never see again...hopefully lol)

It certainly isn't a cop out though! It is a tool. This surgery definitely isn't 100% success, which means those that succeed...work for it. How can that be a cop out?

Congrats on your diving into this! I hope you feel differently as time passes (about being a cop out).

[Butterfly84 2]

I can definitely understand. I've told some people, but most people don't understand or some are just ignorant and will say that the surgery was a "cop out" or we took the easy way out, and we all know this isn't easy at all. When people ask I say I eat a high Protein diet, very low carbs and lots of Water. It's all the truth:-).

[Susysleever 265]

I've been on a diet. Period.

[scarlet333 386]

I thought long and hard on this and decided to only tell my husband. My close friends see and know I have changed my eating style (mainly protein) and workout like an banshee (do banshees workout?). This is the reason for my weight loss. I am a pretty private person and I know that I can be judgemental about others and just felt I didn't need to provide more rumor for the mill to discuss.

Once you are on solid foods it is not obvious to anyone that you are eating any differently then anyone else so you do not have to constantly explain to others about what you are eating. I am proud of what I have accomplished and just as proud if I accomplished this weight loss without surgery. I just don't wish to be discussed either behind my back or to my face and the less said the less chance this will happen.

[carson's mom 2]

It feels like a lifetime til I will be on solids. I'm 11 days post op, still on Clear Liquids and can't move to the next stage of eating until my first drs visit which is next thurs 1/16. So...at work I sip my Protein Shake and then go 'out to lunch' /run errands by myself so I don't have to explain. I feel like the weight should be falling off. Had to hide my scale from myself bc it was consuming me. I'm only getting 350-400 calories a day so I guess my body is holding onto everything it can?!

[LouiseC 1,031]

I thought long and hard on this and decided to only tell my husband. My close friends see and know I have changed my eating style (mainly protein) and workout like an banshee (do banshees workout?). This is the reason for my weight loss. I am a pretty private person and I know that I can be judgemental about others and just felt I didn't need to provide more rumor for the mill to discuss. Once you are on solid foods it is not obvious to anyone that you are eating any differently then anyone else so you do not have to constantly explain to others about what you are eating. I am proud of what I have accomplished and just as proud if I accomplished this weight loss without surgery. I just don't wish to be discussed either behind my back or to my face and the less said the less chance this will happen.

It is an interesting assumption. I have watched five colleagues/staff go through weight loss surgery over the past two years. A couple told people and three didn't. There was more gossip and speculation and rumour about those who did not share than those who were open books on the topic. The ones who said "I have had surgery" were overwhelmingly given support, encouragement, and there was no gossip or rumour. Instead people would say "OMG have you seen M? She looks AMAZING!" Where as those who said nothing were subject to a whole lot of "she must have had surgery, do you think?" "No one could do that without help" "who does she think she is kidding pretending she is losing all that weight with high Protein and exercise, do we look stupid." And variations on that general theme. It is food for thought. I do think that those who think they won't be talked about by staying private are perhaps prone to wishful thinking. I may well be wrong, but my experiences differ in the extreme.

Edited January 10, 2014 by LouiseC

[scarlet333 386]

I thought long and hard on this and decided to only tell my husband. My close friends see and know I have changed my eating style (mainly protein) and workout like an banshee (do banshees workout?). This is the reason for my weight loss. I am a pretty private person and I know that I can be judgemental about others and just felt I didn't need to provide more rumor for the mill to discuss. Once you are on solid foods it is not obvious to anyone that you are eating any differently then anyone else so you do not have to constantly explain to others about what you are eating. I am proud of what I have accomplished and just as proud if I accomplished this weight loss without surgery. I just don't wish to be discussed either behind my back or to my face and the less said the less chance this will happen.

It is an interesting assumption. I have watched five colleagues/staff go through weight loss surgery over the past two years. A couple told people and three didn't. There was more gossip and speculation and rumour about those who did not share than those who were open books on the topic. The ones who said "I have had surgery" were overwhelmingly given support, encouragement, and there was no gossip or rumour. Instead people would say "OMG have you seen M? She looks AMAZING!" Where as those who said nothing were subject to a whole lot of "she must have had surgery, do you think?" "No one could do that without help" "who does she think she is kidding pretending she is losing all that weight with high Protein and exercise, do we look stupid." And variations on that general theme. It is food for thought. I do think that those who think they won't be talked about by staying private are perhaps prone to wishful thinking. I may well be wrong, but my experiences differ in the extreme.

I thought long and hard on this and decided to only tell my husband. My close friends see and know I have changed my eating style (mainly protein) and workout like an banshee (do banshees workout?). This is the reason for my weight loss. I am a pretty private person and I know that I can be judgemental about others and just felt I didn't need to provide more rumor for the mill to discuss. Once you are on solid foods it is not obvious to anyone that you are eating any differently then anyone else so you do not have to constantly explain to others about what you are eating. I am proud of what I have accomplished and just as proud if I accomplished this weight loss without surgery. I just don't wish to be discussed either behind my back or to my face and the less said the less chance this will happen.

It is an interesting assumption. I have watched five colleagues/staff go through weight loss surgery over the past two years. A couple told people and three didn't. There was more gossip and speculation and rumour about those who did not share than those who were open books on the topic. The ones who said "I have had surgery" were overwhelmingly given support, encouragement, and there was no gossip or rumour. Instead people would say "OMG have you seen M? She looks AMAZING!" Where as those who said nothing were subject to a whole lot of "she must have had surgery, do you think?" "No one could do that without help" "who does she think sheis is kidding pretending she is losing all that weight with high Protein and exercise, do we look stupid." And variations on that general theme. It is food for thought. I do think that those who think they won't be talked about by staying private are perhaps prone to wishful thinking. I may well be wrong, but my experiences differ in the extreme.

My experience has been different. Very few people even noticed I was loosing weight until I hit about 50 pounds lost (or at least no one said anything to me). I think if I had made a big announcement about it people would have been looking and noticing everything eaten and been asking me constantly "so how much have you lost so far". At least for me this would have been very disturbing. I also do not know anyone else either at work or personal life who has had this surgery. This indicates that everyones experience is different and they should do what works best for them.

[MarciHunter 167]

It is an interesting assumption. I have watched five colleagues/staff go through weight loss surgery over the past two years. A couple told people and three didn't. There was more gossip and speculation and rumour about those who did not share than those who were open books on the topic. The ones who said "I have had surgery" were overwhelmingly given support, encouragement, and there was no gossip or rumour. Instead people would say "OMG have you seen M? She looks AMAZING!" Where as those who said nothing were subject to a whole lot of "she must have had surgery, do you think?" "No one could do that without help" "who does she think she is kidding pretending she is losing all that weight with high Protein and exercise, do we look stupid." And variations on that general theme. It is food for thought. I do think that those who think they won't be talked about by staying private are perhaps prone to wishful thinking. I may well be wrong, but my experiences differ in the extreme.

Hey, hon. I have to agree with you. One of my friends had surgery 3 years ago and told only a few people, I was one of them, but had to keep quiet . She would lie to most people, telling them she lost the weight by dieting. While it was her choice, it made it awkward to take part of said conversations, where I knew the truth. And of course, in the 3 years since she got the surgery, she started telling more people, and you know how people talk , gossip,etc, so..of course, everyone knows now, and they all feel insulted and deceived, especially that they're a supportive crowd of people. This friend of mine advised me to only tell the truth only to people that really need the surgery and to advice them towards the surgery but I tell everyone, even told the nice lady in the shop that admired how much weight I lost. Told her : " thank you, you're sweet, I had a bit of help though, I had weight loss surgery" . Most people don't know much about wls or what to say but generally they're all being nice about it.

Anyway, 7 months ago, I had the surgery done myself, and at the beginning, I felt embarrassed for having it, because of all the "being the easy way out" stuff...but I told people anyway, and I swear, I haven't met one person that wasn't supportive and nice and curious about it. I think we should give the people around us more credit and be honest about it. I HATE being dishonest or being caught in a lie, so I would rather not lie. Even though, of course, is everyone's choice. But I think that, it depends on the people you live/work/hang out with, too. When you really love your family,relative,friends,coworkers..you know they'll be supporting you , but when they're crappy people..yeah, then I understand how you wouldn't want them to know about surgery. Oh, and I also feel, that if someone who's obese asked you about the surgery, and you tell them you just dieted, that gives them false hope that they can do it only by dieting, which is a big fat lie, and we know that better, otherwise we wouldn't have had the surgery. While there are a few people that can lose over 200 pounds by only dieting, not everyone can. Anyway , my advice to anyone is to be honest about it to people that you care about or to people that would benefit from this surgery