My mind is beating me up...

[TheNewSusie 471]

Susie, I offer some warning advice on following the "if I get plastics I will feel better" trail, it's a particularly dark rabbit hole, just ask CowgirlJane, who has discovered an entirely new continent of issues to deal with now that she has had plastics. She will be the first to tell you that, as it turns out, plastics do not necessarily heal the grooves we've worn from years of mental "cutting".

Thanks Hun, I will have to message her. I hope she's ok!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I am doing just fine... my results from plastics are amazing, all my friends are wowed at the incredible difference it makes to my looks - even with clothes on. My scars are healing so well - Really, I can't complain - very little pain, no complications. Even so, I am still about 50-50 on whether i would do it again. i have a hard time articulating to people just how hard it was to me. It disrupted my life. I believe that it triggered some emotional sadness (or perhaps just opened up a spot for it to surface?) due to the massive disruption in my life. Sitting on your a** for months as part of recovery is not a good feeling - it gives you a chance to be too inwardly focused. I lost interest in many of my passions in life and people around me can't understand it at all. In fact, it forces you to think about every little ache, pain and discomfort in your body as well as assessing your limits. It was sorta like being tied down to a weight for months when i had been flying so freely before that. I know this doesn't make alot of sense to people - but i have been PM'd by enough people who went through post plastics emotional rollercoaster to know this happens to MANY but they often don't want to talk about it publicly I guess.

It is like losing weight, it feels so good to look good, but looks don't really make you happy. We all know that, but don't have any secret dellusions. Really.

Also, I did NOT lose weight from plastics although many people do. I believe the reason I didn't was because I went into plastics at the weight my body wants to be at. People that go in a little higher bmi, a little heavier seem to lose. Of course we are all individuals so who knows - but I am just saying don't count on it.

Anyway, I am back to working out, I start up horseback riding again this week, I did go skiing a few weeks ago - so - I am still working on the emotional healing, but I am getting there. 6 months from now i will probably be one of the plastics cheerleaders but right now ... I just say, you pay a very high price and that is even if you DON'T have complications and you DO have great results like I did.

Edited January 6, 2014 by CowgirlJane

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Oh, and I should add... when I tell friends that I am 50-50 and not sure I would choose to do plastics if I had to do it over again they look at me like I am freaking insane. From the outside, it seems like a miracle. I have a tighter bod and perkier boobs than many 49 year old (or younger!) ladies who were never obese do. I get alot of attention from the opposite sex. I get all the things you think you want.... but i am still not sure it was worth it...

money don't buy you love and a hot bod does not buy you happiness. just something to keep in mind.

Having said that, i am basically an optimistic person with a good life, I am just trying to say it isn't really that much "better" post plastics or honestly even after losing the last 20#. I had hit a great healthy weight 20# heavier than I am now and can honestly advise people to really assess WHY those vanity pounds are so important. I am not saying don't lose those last few... I am just saying don't count on it really making jack difference in your life.

Oh, and clothing size. I went into plastics wearing approx size 8-10 pants and a medium top. I did not get large implants because i wanted to stay med on top (I have a big ribcage and shoulders). I now seem to wear 6-8 no stretch pants depending on the brand. If I shop at H&M I definately need that. I went to that white house black market store and fit into their 2s and 4s pants. So, even size goals are just stupid really.... it is all just a head game. Be healthy, be fit, be strong, be happy

[Fluffnomore 1,235]

It is continually fascinating to me that the things we think will make us feel happy and complete, often don't.

If I figure it out, I'll write a book. Thanks for the posts, Jane.

[M2G 1,836]

money don't buy you love and a hot bod does not buy you happiness. just something to keep in mind.

Wow, really well-said. Losing weight, having plastics, etc. NONE of that will help if you don't LOVE YOURSELF

CGJ I think you've done a great job expressing your feelings and exploring who you are and where you want to be. I have no doubt that one day you will find your happy place.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Here here! ^^^^

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

If you were to ask my friends, family and even me - I think all would have rated my self confidence at average or above. I am not a self loathing individual. I think for a person who really hated their own body and self... well... I can imagine this would have been worse. For me, I had no disappointment, I knew I wouldn't be perfect post plastics (I am not) but much better (I am). I like my looks, I am proud of my body. It has still been rugged.... just sayin'

[TheNewSusie 471]

Very well said. Thank u Jane for all your input and realism