I'm the spouse

[Swampyspouse 19]

I was excited to see this category but a little disappointed thre isn't a lot being posted.. My husband will get his band on 1/6/14, 3 days from now.

I think I feel more overwhelmed than he does. Being the wife I have the feeling of the caretaker, and even though he should be totally responsible for how well he progresses, I fear that its going to be a battle.
I kind of feel that through the whole process leading up to the surgery that the spouse should be included and maybe even required to attend the meetings with nutritionist, trainer, doctor etc..
Some of you think probably that this is their surgery and weight loss, but if you're married to someone that is going to be making this drastic lifestyle transformation, you know we will be or should be totally involved.

I wonder if their are others that feel like this or do you think I am being negative? Sometimes I do have that tendency. I might also mention if any of you are curious, We have been married for 34 years, my weight is 160, about 20 lbs over my ideal weight.

[Recycled 2,182]

I think for the spouse or anyone that is in a supportive position.......it can be challenging for both parties. My wife has the greatest intentions, but the reality is she cannot actually feel or experience the physical, emotional or the psychological effects and difficulties of the pre-op stages or the post-op recovery. She is merely repeating (quite often) what she's read or what I already told her about the diets and surgery. As if somehow the process has caused total amnesia in me. It can get quite annoying being constantly reminded of every aspect of the diet plans or when and how much to drink, "put that back - it has sugar in it", "maybe I should take more time off from work to stay home with you after the surgery".........blah blah blah. Don't get me wrong. I encourage her to be informed about the procedure, but to be able to understand what I'm going thru, NOT direct it.

But hey, that's just me, and she'll continue to be the way she is......and I'm glad to have her in my corner supporting me, so while I may grumble some, I'll just deal with it.

Edited January 4, 2014 by Recycled

[kimk1999 450]

I wanted my fiancé to attend pre-surgery appts with me, but something always popped up. He said that he'd attend the next ones but the next ones have been post-surgery. He's supportive but relies on me to tell him what I can/cannot have. He's is the primary cook in the kitchen and so I really wished he went to the pre-op nutrition visit. He likes to take care of me by bringing me something when he's bringing him something and that's part of how I got to the size that I got. If he's was having a beer, he would be nice and bring me one. Yes, I could say no, but hey that was an opened beer . I'm not blaming him at all for my weight. He's getting on board with what I need now as it's been just 2.5 weeks since surgery and I have real restrictions. I'm a bit worried about how things will be once I progress past the mushy phase.

Like Swampyspouse was suggesting - I wish that it was obligatory for him to attend certain appts.

Edited January 3, 2014 by kimk1999

[gmanbat 5,889]

I think this new forum was a great idea! It just got started so the numbers of posts are small but I am sure there will lots of posts and threads coming up!!!

[Bandista 7,466]

You are great to be researching and reaching out for your own support as of course this is a lifestyle change for both of you. The date is coming right up and it will be so good to have that over with -- tension sure does build before something like this! My advice is to get him walking as much as possible. I started that night in the hospital and it's made a tremendous difference -- first for the healing but then for the attitude and weight loss, too.

As far as food, there will be the protocol to follow post-op and then once he's hungry again and eating real food it's important that you both know the band won't be doing it's job until it is adjusted properly. This is a process -- it can take a while to get to the Green Zone. Otherwise it's basically just like being on a diet, with all those feelings of deprivation, etc. He will probably drop weight just being a guy -- but the process of healing up and then getting the fills is the time he will be learning about his band, how to eat slowly and take small bites. You're probably going to lose your twenty pounds and feel great!

I finally let my husband come to an appointment with me; it was a mandatory meeting with the nutritionist. She announced my weight, a number I had successfully concealed for over twenty years. ACK! I know, stupid to worry over that -- he loves me. But it is a surprising number. Gone are the days when I am told how well I carry my weight. Um, not so much.

[Swampyspouse 19]

Thanks to all who posted in response. I should have said also that I was going to go to the nutritionist pre op but had to be out of town because our daughter was having her 3rd baby . Because he is the pickiest of eaters this will be a big challenge. He has been a meat and potatoes guy!

Today I decided I want him to put Alex's book on his Kindle. He needs that kind of thing for inspiration at his fingertips, I think it could be a big help.

I don't want to be a nag about this and that but I have forewarned him that I will be pushing a little. I just hope he understands that this is a big change for me also.

Wish us BOTH luck I'll keep you posted!

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

My husband and I recently both had the sleeve, and we attended many pre-op and post-op meetings, peer to peer, nutritionist, and doctors appointments together, and encountered many couples, both not having surgery.

Were you not allowed to be there? I too have been caretaker, and until 2013 would have not qualified for the surgery. My health declined with HBP, asthma, and diabetes. I really am thankful I could do this with my husband so that I know how to better care for him. I was the one who was conscious and calling rescue during his 3 am low blood sugars, and he had not a clue other than waking at the ER. I know that I drive him crazy with my worry, but he is a good natured sport. And my life. He was scared of the surgery, and wanted me to go first LOL, so I did. Loved it, no problems. He has worse health problems, so it was harder and more dangerous for him.

So this kind of history gives me special license to watch him like a hawk, wag my finger at him, peek over his plate to see what he is eating, and keep him as healthy as I can. Swampyspouse, read and learn everything you can and be supportive and know what is going on with this surgery and the diet phases. If you calendar his appointments, remind him of phases where he has a change in foods, and help him to have the right Proteins, Vitamins, shakes, foods, and equipment ready, he will love you forever for being supportive. Trust me, he is a little scared just like me and my husband were, of the unknown! Best of luck! Laugh often!

[gmanbat 5,889]

http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/237747-gmanbat-and-wife-ba-pics/

My wife had RNY and I had the sleeve. These are some B&A pics I posted sometime back. We are slimmer now.

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

WOW!!!! I am so impressed. You both look great! Thank God for a better life for you both. Very happy for you both.

[melmommy04 23]

I wanted my fiancé to attend pre-surgery appts with me, but something always popped up. He said that he'd attend the next ones but the next ones have been post-surgery. He's supportive but relies on me to tell him what I can/cannot have. He's is the primary cook in the kitchen and so I really wished he went to the pre-op nutrition visit. He likes to take care of me by bringing me something when he's bringing him something and that's part of how I got to the size that I got. If he's was having a beer, he would be nice and bring me one. Yes, I could say no, but hey that was an opened beer . I'm not blaming him at all for my weight. He's getting on board with what I need now as it's been just 2.5 weeks since surgery and I have real restrictions. I'm a bit worried about how things will be once I progress past the mushy phase. Like Swampyspouse was suggesting - I wish that it was obligatory for him to attend certain appts.

I feel like you were in my head when you posted the first part of your post! My bf will go with me when he can but being it is a 3 hr drive each way for us, it's not always going to be possible. He is educating himself daily though and asks me lots of questions. If I don't know the answer, we start googling together.

When you said your fiancé brought you something bc he had something. So true here too! I love that he thinks about me but gosh it's gotta stop. I try not to sound like the nagging woman but lately I have told him he needs to ask if I want something first. He will learn! (:

[supportive hubby 42]

I'm the supportive hubby my wife is starting her journey for the sleeve

and I'm trying to be supportive. But like she says joking I'm clueless lol

[Swampyspouse 19]

Well, supportive hubby, stay on this site and roam around. You will soon be as knowledgable as she. Before his surgery I had only gone to the seminar, everything else I learned mostly here.

It's very informative listening to people that are living through it.

It is a big help. I hope your wife is looking and learning here as well.

Best of luck to you both!

[crayolagal 2]

I am happy that I was able to go to all appointments, all but one nutrition class, and will be at all preop/postop visits. I've been the one on this site regularly conveying "nuggets" to him here and there. I am not convinced that he has done the same but I think that he is relying on me to be researching information. This weekend we will work to get everything he needs for his pre-op diet that starts on Monday. He's getting sleeved on 2/10 and says he is excited but I know that the reality of the pre-op diet and surgery recovery will be a huge reality check. Thanks for creating this outlet for family members - we need it!

[Swampyspouse 19]

Hubby had the first post op today with the first weigh in since surgery. Drum rollll! 20 lbs lost since 1/6/14.

They told him no Snacks or Protein Drinks. Should get all he needs in the 3 meals and tummy needs to adjust now to the solid foods going in.

He's not complaining of hunger. Knock on wood!

[WickedBeauty 87]

Ignore my post. Incorrect thread.

Edited February 23, 2014 by WickedBeauty