Why can't people realize I cannot do this without surgery?

[BrandNewBrandy 79]

I have been mobidly obese for the past 19 years. I currently weigh 284 lbs on a good day. I have tried so many diets, pills, programs, etc to lose the weight but all I lose is money and maybe 20 lbs if I'm lucky. I cannot exercise because of my joints and hip replacement because then I'm in bed in pain. I want to scream when someone says you can do it you just need to walk and not eat bad. I want to scream don't you think I have tried to do that the last 20 years!

I know I am a food addict. I know this surgery is a tool and I'm going to have to do work to be successful. I know I will need to spend some years probably in therapy addressing my issues. I know I will have to fight my fat mind long after the weight is gone. I get that its drastic. I feel that's what I need a drastic surgical intervention.

I sometimes just feel that noone can relate to me.

[Canadianjewel 4]

Oh wow! I could have wrote this post except I haven't had a hip replacement. I avoided telling people because of their reaction. My sister in law was like you just need to walk for exercise and eat better. Didn't she notice that I can barely walk or stand for very long without being in extreme pain? My brother was also appalled that I was going for surgery. I like you tried many diets, weight watchers, Atkins, went to the nutritionist, prescription medication, only to lose about 20-30 lbs. I just decided that I knew my body best and knew that I needed surgery as a starting point for me, I had been thinking about it for a few years. Christmas was tough with my brother and his wife and I had to finally say I don't want to talk with you guys about this if you can't be supportive. It's hard enough trying to prepare both mentally and physically for the surgery without others nattering at you. The surgery is going to be the easy part the life change is gonna take work. I certainly relate to you and I believe WE CAN do it!!!

[nursekimberly89 50]

It's hard but the reality is a lot of people will not understand because they feel obesity is simply a by-product of low will power. I am in your shoes too. I have never been at a normal weight for my height or age. I was an obese child, teenager, and now I'm an obese adult. I mean, I'm sure we've all had periods in our lives where we were successful with a diet or exercise regime..but it was temporary. I don't look at weight loss surgery as a quick fix or magic bullet. It's simply a tool in order to help people get to their goal.

[CrazyJaney 775]

I have been mobidly obese for the past 19 years. I currently weigh 284 lbs on a good day. I have tried so many diets, pills, programs, etc to lose the weight but all I lose is money and maybe 20 lbs if I'm lucky. I cannot exercise because of my joints and hip replacement because then I'm in bed in pain. I want to scream when someone says you can do it you just need to walk and not eat bad. I want to scream don't you think I have tried to do that the last 20 years! I know I am a food addict. I know this surgery is a tool and I'm going to have to do work to be successful. I know I will need to spend some years probably in therapy addressing my issues. I know I will have to fight my fat mind long after the weight is gone. I get that its drastic. I feel that's what I need a drastic surgical intervention. I sometimes just feel that noone can relate to me.

Oh, honey - you are so not alone. I'm right there with you. I heard my surgeon (I'm still preop) speak at a Cardiology Conference to a huge room full of Physicians. I had no idea that there would be a presentation on WLS. At that time (2 years ago) I had a negative view of the RNY and hadn't heard about the sleeve. He presented HARD data about the success rate of WLS, CURE to comorbidities, and extremely low complication rate. It was overwhelming data. He said "obesity is much more complex than what science can understand, it's not just about diet and exercise and will power. If it was simple, we would not have an epidemic. This is a disease and has a treatment that is successful". I was sold. Still, there are many in the medical community that aren't 100% sold. Change takes time. I've finally gotten to a place where I'm able to see this really happen. I've chosen not to tell many for the simple reasons you stated. I don't need their negativity. This is a life changing opportunity. It's a life SAVING opportunity. I refuse to let others opinions hold me back. I've done every diet out there. The most I've ever lost is about 40 pounds. Usually gaining extra once the diet was done. My high weight was 325. My current is 313. Not a day goes by that I'm not in pain. No Pain, No Gain is a fallacy -unless you want to end up having surgery sooner, rather than later. I am right there with you. But no one is going to hold me back because of their fear or issues. Not this time. Very few people can have true empathy. That's the great thing about this site. I feel like it's really the only place people could understand me. Best of luck to both of us - we can do this!!!!!

[BrandNewBrandy 79]

Thankfully my husband is 100% supportive. While he doesn't have issues taking off weight he sees how hard I have tried, how much pain I've been in and is a huge support system for me. I have 3 kids that I will need to get my mom on board at least enough that she will watch them while I get the surgery. Right now she was not supportive but I'm hoping the shock will wear off.

[Ballermom 803]

I love the warrior in you. Because you have what it takes. You will need to continue to this same work in order to get to your goals. Advocate for your self. My Nut warned me that people will oppose you almost every step of the way. Be warned that later some of those same people will call you skinny. But keep working hard. And even if you are "in bed in pain", you are mentally working and preparing yourself for change. Kudos for you! This is a Journey

Good Luck hope you feel better soon

[1Day1Life4Now 882]

Adaisey, Do not waste your time trying to convince others. Spend your time focusing on what you need to do to get yourself healthy. Once you have started your journey and you are on your way to better health, and they all see how much happier you are.... they will all jump on the band wagon. You are an adult and you can make your own decisions regarding your health so you don't need their approval. Yes it would be much easier and more pleasant if everyone agreed with us and everyone supported our decision to have WLS but the fact is... you will never get everyone to agree with you or support you . Just do what needs to get done and those that care about you will start to support you . Good luck to you.

[cindymg 629]

40 years of morbid obesity for me -- save the few months every year when I would lose 40-80 pounds, then gain it all (and more) right back. I had most of the diseases that go along with obesity, and frankly I got sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I'm kinda old and pretty bitchy, so when I learned about sleeve surgery, I knew immediately it was for me. And frankly, I didn't care what anyone else thought. If anyone tried to make a negative comment, I was always ready with the details of my medical problems. That usually shut people up pretty fast.

And for family, when I told them I was having surgery, I started out by telling them I was having a sex change operation. Then once they got over the shock of that statement, I told them what I was really doing.

Success is the best revenge for those naysayers (I know there is a better cliche' there, but it's late and I can't remember it). 7.5 months post-op, I am a completely different person (still bitchy though), medical problems resolved, tons of energy, an entirely new wardrobe, and now an exciting new job! So there you negative nellies!

Don't let anyone make you feel bad for a decision that affects YOUR LIFE. Keep moving forward. Soon you'll be so successful that they will all eat their words!

[cindymg 629]

Here's something that might help;

[CrazyJaney 775]

40 years of morbid obesity for me -- save the few months every year when I would lose 40-80 pounds, then gain it all (and more) right back. I had most of the diseases that go along with obesity, and frankly I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm kinda old and pretty bitchy, so when I learned about sleeve surgery, I knew immediately it was for me. And frankly, I didn't care what anyone else thought. If anyone tried to make a negative comment, I was always ready with the details of my medical problems. That usually shut people up pretty fast. And for family, when I told them I was having surgery, I started out by telling them I was having a sex change operation. Then once they got over the shock of that statement, I told them what I was really doing. Success is the best revenge for those naysayers (I know there is a better cliche' there, but it's late and I can't remember it). 7.5 months post-op, I am a completely different person (still bitchy though), medical problems resolved, tons of energy, an entirely new wardrobe, and now an exciting new job! So there you negative nellies! Don't let anyone make you feel bad for a decision that affects YOUR LIFE. Keep moving forward. Soon you'll be so successful that they will all eat their words!

I love it!!!!!!

[LipstickLady 25,682]

To answer your title, why do they need to? Why does it matter if they do or don't? It's not going to change your mind or your efforts nor is their understanding going to change your results.

Why do you care? Your energy is much better spent elsewhere, I promise.

[BrandNewBrandy 79]

Most people I do not care if they are on board or not, nor will I be telling them I am getting surgery when the time comes. My mom I need her to be so she can care for my children while I am in Mexico for my surgery or I will need to make alternate plans including delaying the surgery.

The other person I told was my best friend. Both of these people feel that I should be able to lose weight without any plan or help at all. Just stop eating junk and exercise. After all, I quit smoking cold turkey so I have will power...if only it was that easy.

Edited January 3, 2014 by adaisyandarose

[ElyQuint 446]

A. Own you. You don't owe an explanation to anyone. If it is right for you, you don't have to defend it. Embrace your chosen tool and stop seeking approval from others. My weight was extreme, my addiction unmanageable and my life was in danger. Your health is not up for debate.

[lsereno 2,525]

If I had a nickel for everyone who told me that. I stuck with my line " my doctor and I have decided it's the best option for me" no other comment needed. Another good line " I appreciate your concern, my doctor and I..."

For family, I took them to support group meeting and to a surgeon appt. that helped them understand.

Lynda

[LouiseC 1,031]

A. Own you. You don't owe an explanation to anyone. If it is right for you, you don't have to defend it. Embrace your chosen tool and stop seeking approval from others. My weight was extreme, my addiction unmanageable and my life was in danger. Your health is not up for debate.

This is really good advice.

You do not need approval from anyone. Nor do you need their validation for your decision. What others think about you and about your weight is really none of your business so don't bother yourself with it. You need to be true to yourself and do what you believe is right for you. By all means I recommend you consider and take into account other people's opinions, especially the opinions of your loved ones, in your decision making process but this does not mean you need their okay. You don't.

Seeking advice and input from another does not mean that they have to agree with you or you with them. It is just a healthy discourse that informs decision making.

Some people will support you, and some people won't. And that is absolutely okay. The only one that really needs to be okay with your decision is you.