Telling my family?

[ImReadyforThis 14]

Hi!

I'm pre-op (hoping for an early February date) and have been going back and forth about telling my family.

Most of the friends I've told have been supportive (sometimes after a short time, but they ultimately came around and have been great). My family, on the other hand, tends to be judgmental, gossipy and negative. I know that I should tell them, but to be honest, I don't want to. This is an exciting yet scary time, and I feel that dealing with their reactions will add more stress. Has anyone dealt with anything like this? If so, can you please share your thoughts or tips?

Thanks.

[BellaHugz 331]

I hear ya on this. As for me I have only told my hubby and child and a few friends who are very supporitve. The family gossip is not an animal I want to feed. So for me I opted not to say anything down the road I may not care who know's it. So for now while I am in the pre-surgery revison stage I decide to guard my heart and not invite the negative people in to chime in.

[Fluffnomore 1,235]

I haven't told the majority of my extended family. My husband and kids, my mother, and one of my cousins know. My siblings and my father and the rest of the family do not. I may go back and tell them later, but I may not. I think part of it is that I wanted the time to do this, establish habits, etc, out from under the watchful eyes of 40 people. I think I made the right decision for me thus far and I will reevaluate if I need to. But I still think most of them don't need to know, weigh in, etc.

[NMJG 1,266]

There are lots of people with different views on this topic. For me, negativity and nosiness from others was my reason for keeping it private between my husband and two grown kids. No one else, not at work, friends, other relatives, strangers, etc. knows about my surgery. I am a private person and my healthcare is no one else's business, but that is just me.

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

My husband decided he didn't want an audience to his surgery and that also meant my sleeving. It was very easy to pull this off and I agree with your posts above, no one else's business. It works great for us!!!!

[nursekimberly89 50]

Wow I thought I was the only one with a "family gossip machine". I know it will eventually get around, but oh well... I really don't care what people I rarely see or talk to have to say about my decisions.

[McButterpants 2,846]

I told 5 people - my mom, dad, husband, son and best friend. My brothers simply wouldn't understand - they are both naturally skinny and I don't think they would understand the emotional issues I deal with (I could be selling them short, but at this point, I'm just not up to telling them). I was concerned that they (my brothers and their families) would ask me about my weight loss or certainly comment about the tiny portions I was eating...yeah, I apparently have a very self-absorbed family. Not one person commented on my 40+ pound weight loss or the portions - they were busy with their lives and eating! LOL

I haven't told any other friends - I live in a small community and have seen the gossip machine in full force - I didn't want to give them any more fat to chew.

When I told my parents, my dad didn't understand. I had to educate them on the surgery, the ways of eating post-op, and the reasons why someone goes to these drastic measures. He asked me, very innocently, "Are you going to be able to give up all those foods you love?" I replied, "Dad, I have eaten enough bread for a lifetime, it's time to stop."

Only you can know for sure if it's the right thing to do - this is a hot topic on this forum. People are very passionate on both sides of it. Just be prepared for the Debbie Downers to rain on your parade, the Nosey Nellie's that will be all up in your business, and the Curious Kallies that will no doubt ask you a zillion questions because they to have the surgery, too!

Best of luck to you!

[Butterflyhigh 504]

I am not telling anyone in my family. They would be judgmental, critical, gossipy, backstabbing, and the root reason would be because they are jealous of other peoples success. The old adage "misery loves company" could very well be my bio-family's motto. They don't like anyone in the family to succeed because it highlights their crappy decisions.

Having the surgery is my lifestyle choice to be healthy and positive. Why would I allow their poisonous negativity into my happy space?

I have decided to tell them nothing until they ask, at which time I will say that I've made big eating changes including cutting out the bad stuff and focusing on Portion Control. It's not a lie. It is just omitting some of the facts.

And as others have said...it's nobody's business but my own.

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

Good for you Butterfly, same here.

[ImReadyforThis 14]

Thanks everyone!

I've spent so much time disconnecting from their toxicity that I just don't want to open the door again. Glad to know that I'm not alone with this.

[taylokat 180]

I'm almost 9 months out and still haven't told anyone except my husband, kids a brother and one friend!

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

I look at things this way. I have spent most of my life taking care of others, children, husband(s), Moms & Dads, co-workers, bosses....... We all can relate. I am finally at a point in my life I am living for myself and my wonderful husband. I refuse any more negativity in my life since I lost my sister to ALS 4 years ago. Life is too precious to waste a second of it letting anyone get me down. The rest of my life is mine.

[sandisleeve 563]

I agree with most of you -- my family and coworkers are nosy as hell

I initially only told the ex husband, my mom and BFF -- I'm now a part of some WLS support groups on Facebook so more folks know

I told my aunt the day of my surgery cause she's nosy as hell and I didn't want her to add to my anxiety but I live with her and couldn't get away with the time i am taking off of work. plus she ended up picking me up from the hospital -- I'm grateful for her but she is a nosy nelly and continues to ask me hundreds of questions as to why I did it despite my obvious long history of morbid obesity and yoyo dieting

She still interrogates me at 19 days post op -- it's so EFFING annoying ... I have had to spend the past week at my moms place just to avoid her questions and stares

My family makes comments when I gain and lose all the time over the past 15 years or so -- it's rarely positive in nature either

I have To live my life for me

My mom told my sisters and my 8yr old niece knows now but of course my niece doesn't fully understand

I know my older sis will reveal to some cousins if she hasn't already cause she likes gossip and talking about other people in the family takes the focus off of her shortcomings

I am not planing on telling a soul at work -- supreme gossipers there and info travels along super quick.

My health, my business!

I know a few ppl at work who have had WLS but still not sure if I will reveal to them

My mom was against me going through with it but she was there to support me and I appreciate that however she really doesn't fully respect the healing process -- she offers me eggs and rice cakes and raw fruit on a daily basis and tells me to chug down my fluids despite my major hernia repair pain .... Ugh!!!

That's life I guess

[lthueme 66]

Glad to read all of your posts. I have been debating on what I want to do. Pre-surgery only my husband and 3 kids knew. 2 of my kids are very supportive and 1 is not, she thinks I am starving myself (she is a health nut with going to the gym daily). A couple of days post surgery I told my mom and 2 sisters. At Christmas my husband told his family, mainly because they noticed my weight loss and I was still in the mushy food stage. I have a few very close friends on FB that are all in a secret weight loss support group together and I shared with them. They are also part of my military mom support group, so we are always supporting each other in some way. I think that is all that I will share with, like you all say, it's my life and no one really needs to know.

[Madam Reverie 2,958]

Only one person in my life knows; my fiance. That's it. Not family, not friends, not co-workers - no one.

Oh, unless you count the others in my bariatric group?! (Although I don't think that's the same, as we're all in the same gang!)

Frankly, I didn't need, nor want, the crap.

My body, my stomach, my life. Huzzah!