I got food-policed at 7.5 months out :(

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

JR, this is a pretty good post. http://kriscarr.com/blog/five-tips-for-establishing-and-maintaining-healthy-interpersonal-boundaries/

[mistysj 1,940]

I'm so sorry to hear your husband is doing this. While I'm sure he thinks he's only helping, I'm sure you want to smack him. I agree with the poster that said to turn the tables on him. Ask him every day what his weight is or check it on the scale and discuss it with him and the decisions he made the previous day that could have contributed to his weight. IT IS 100% PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE, but when "jokin" talking about it and a "serious" talking to don't work I absolutely support stooping to his level

I don't think I am going to do this. I don't think it would add any peace in my marriage!

By the way the scale hides our weights from each other by default.

[Barbarah 18]

If loving Richard Simmons is wrong, I don't want to be right.

.

Me too!

[Barbarah 18]

a very wise family therapist once told me, unless you know specifically to the contrary, assume its about power. and even then, its still probably about power. the very best way to deal with stuff like this is to focus on changing your internal reaction to him rather than trying to get him to change what he is doing. i dont mean not showing him your reaction, i mean learning how to not feel upset/tweaked/annoyed etc in response to his behavior. this defuses the power struggle and will eventually end the conflict. the same amount of energy you put into feeling upset and trying to get him to stop can be redirected internally.

I agree. Definitely a power issue. Good advise on how to react.

[Barbarah 18]

My hubby reached over the table today at lunch and took half my burger..lean and mean...Ate all the french fries and then asked if I were done.....I told him that if I hadn't been he would have gotten a fork in the hand.... I have tried everything to stop him from doing that until I am done....Maybe even the threat of violence won't work..I don't know..... I try so hard not to react!!!!!! A lot of times he says oh you weren't done with that eh? I just look at him as he continues to stuff whatever in his mouth....whatever I guess!!!!!!!!!!

Interesting. Do you think that's his way of food policing ?

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

My hubby reached over the table today at lunch and took half my burger..lean and mean...Ate all the french fries and then asked if I were done.....I told him that if I hadn't been he would have gotten a fork in the hand.... I have tried everything to stop him from doing that until I am done....Maybe even the threat of violence won't work..I don't know..... I try so hard not to react!!!!!! A lot of times he says oh you weren't done with that eh? I just look at him as he continues to stuff whatever in his mouth....whatever I guess!!!!!!!!!!

Interesting. Do you think that's his way of food policing ?

Nope, I think that he looks at it as seconds without effort....He has always been very careful to make sure the kids had enough to eat..He would leave a piece of steak a lone just in case my 6'8" son might need it....It is a new thing for him to see food like this...

I think that he feels that I am not going to eat it anyway so get it while it's hot sorta thinking.....He has asked me to order normal portions and take the rest home for his lunch the next day...Well that has only happened a few times....

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

I showed my hubby the thread last night and said look no one seems to understand why you go after my food like a starving animal......His response....come on guys I'm working on it..And then he threw his head back and laughed!!!!!!!!!!

Yup he took it hard folks!

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

JR, this is a pretty good post. http://kriscarr.com/blog/five-tips-for-establishing-and-maintaining-healthy-interpersonal-boundaries/

Thanks for the info..Will send it on!

[BellaHugz 331]

I showed my hubby the thread last night and said look no one seems to understand why you go after my food like a starving animal......His response....come on guys I'm working on it..And then he threw his head back and laughed!!!!!!!!!!

Yup he took it hard folks!

Time for a Bear Trap~ lol

[feedyoureye 3,087]

My hubby reached over the table today at lunch and took half my burger..lean and mean...Ate all the french fries and then asked if I were done.....I told him that if I hadn't been he would have gotten a fork in the hand.... I have tried everything to stop him from doing that until I am done....Maybe even the threat of violence won't work..I don't know..... I try so hard not to react!!!!!! A lot of times he says oh you weren't done with that eh? I just look at him as he continues to stuff whatever in his mouth....whatever I guess!!!!!!!!!!

Interesting. Do you think that's his way of food policing ?

Nope, I think that he looks at it as seconds without effort....He has always been very careful to make sure the kids had enough to eat..He would leave a piece of steak a lone just in case my 6'8" son might need it....It is a new thing for him to see food like this...

I think that he feels that I am not going to eat it anyway so get it while it's hot sorta thinking.....He has asked me to order normal portions and take the rest home for his lunch the next day...Well that has only happened a few times....

When I take half home, it is understood it is for ME unless I pass it on. Thats not to say there isn't a lot of begging going on, and even some anger that I am holding on to "my" food selfishly. Honestly, I have to hide some food or it would be gone in an instant. I like having my tablespoon of chocolate chips and dried cherries in the evening... if he finds them the whole bag is gone in a flash... that is after he already ate the two bags I bought for him..... Really, I think he needs to pay for the food (I pay for it now) He would be shocked at how much "luxury" food he chows down on like its Beans on toast! I know how people have a tendency to see a magnified view of partners eating vast quantities of food after we get the surgery (the same amount we ate earlier!)....it is kind of revolting at times.... mindless....

[Fluffnomore 1,235]

Oh, FeedYourEye, yes. My family feels very free to eat my leftovers. I often order specifically so that I can have 2 or 3 meals out of something.

But this behavior passes on to the kids too. My 11 year old just the other day took down my remaining 3 oz of calamari. I was like, "Really??? That was my lunch!" "I didn't know." "But you did, because you just 'confessed.'" This was two days after searching out and eating my remaining two Protein bars. As people say, they are kind of like candy. But they're also great for things like right before going to sit through a 2 hour rehearsal/church service.

Sigh...

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

This is so funny. I find myself the one being a FP with my DH and adult children..... I'm the one that's sleeved and I get worried about them and their eating habits. they're always telling me that they're annoyed with my comments.

So I have started working on not saying anything and focusing on myself.

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

Thanks for the info..Will send it on!

you know this is for you JR?

[gmanbat 5,889]

I showed my hubby the thread last night and said look no one seems to understand why you go after my food like a starving animal......His response....come on guys I'm working on it..And then he threw his head back and laughed!!!!!!!!!!

Yup he took it hard folks!

I like this guy! Well, there goes the rubber hamburger rib. Itching powder?

[Fluffnomore 1,235]

Short sheet him!