Wanna Rant About Spouses & How Clueless They Can be sometimes?

[newat52 1,613]

I question for everyone. I am coming up on my surgery date and I am extremely excited, but I have noticed that the closer the date becomes the more vocal my boyfriend becomes about how I'm taking the "easy way out". He is also over weight, not significantly less than 20 pounds to lose. My bmi is 38 and I am trying to be proactive about my health because I am at risk of diabetes and high blood pressure. Most of my family is on board and have been supportive, notice how I said most. I can't help but wonder if WLS is going to put a dent in my "long" time relationship. Regardless of the effects it may have on my relationship I won't change my mind, I'm going to do this for me. I just want to know if anyone else has experience this problem in their relationship pre and post surgery?

First of all, ANYONE who has been sleeved can attest to the fact that this is NOT, I repeat NOT the easy way out. It is only a tool to work with. What you do with it is up to you. So you can tell him that first.

Secondly, even if it were the easy way out, and it's not but if it were, SO WHAT? Is driving your car to the store the easy way out? I mean you can walk. Driving is just easier. Is using your stove the easy way out? You can build a fire and cook that way? I think that is one of the most stupid things we hear from people.

Great for you in your resolve to improve your health and not let anyone or thing stop you. Your boyfriend needs to learn not to say stupid things. Period. If this surgery changes your relationship with him for the worse, then so be it. If he can't get on board with your improving health, then you should shed 200# of boyfriend. There will be one out there that is so much better.

[moviechick00 23]

My partner was not on board for RnY so I got the band. I had lots of problems with my band. She started going with me to the doctors appt. she learned so much she worked up the courage to have RNY and was happy when my band was removed and I had my revision. She tells me often how bad she feels for not standing by the Rny to start with. Good news is that we are both healthy now.

[Susysleever 265]

Ummmm you mean like when you get a four slice toaster and an ice cream maker for Christmas?

Boy that ice cream maker is a great gift for a wls patient.

[deaddemmama 474]

I'm putting together an Amazon wish list next year...

[Georgia 2,908]

I'm putting together an Amazon wish list next year...

Hee hee!!!

[Georgia 2,908]

Boy that ice cream maker is a great gift for a wls patient.

Bahahaha!

[*Misty*Raine* 192]

Newat, I totally agree with u! You said it best. There's no such thing as the "easy way out". If there was...I'd have taken it a long time ago! Jus sayin! And as for anyone that is ignorant enough to make that statement... I think I would rebut that with "easy way out? Do you have any idea how much work is involved?" And show them how stupid they look making that statement!!

[Swampyspouse 19]

Here's an example of what not to do: My X husband gave me kitchen knives for Valentines Day! He was gone by April.

I don't want to ask what she means by "gone"!

[*Misty*Raine* 192]

Ok my turn... Lol. *warning very long!*

My husband says he will support my decision to have WLS. However, every time he goes to a store, gas station, or any place he brings me back chocolate, ice cream, or chips. Now what sense does it make to be waiting for WLS, eating that stuff? I asked him If he realized that I had stopped eating junk and am trying to cut what I eat in half? He said no. I personally think because we already have a rocky marriage (that honestly I want out of)...he is trying to sabotage my efforts.

He has made the comments many times that I'm going to lose all this weight and since I'm already in school.... I'm going to get a good job, be thin, and no see anything in him anymore. Like I told him... It has nothing to do with losing weight and bettering myself that makes me not wanna be with him... It's the stupid shit he says that just make me wanna choke him! He makes comments to the kids when they're eating (and they can eat!) like did u really eat all that? And now u want more? I'm scared this is going to cause them to develop an eating disorder! It contributed to my problem with food when I was a child And my after would say things like putting on a bit of weight huh? Or keep eating like that and ur gonna be an ugly fat girl that no one wants to be around. Now that I have weight issues, I keep hearin his words on my head. I know it's not real... But that stuff leaves lasting impressions! And I'm not ok with it. When the hubs starts it with the kids, I flip shit and look batshit crazy! I won't have my kids have mental issues with food if I can prevent it!

As for my marriage, I haven't been happy in it for a long time... Like 2 years. I am ready to just sign the papers and be done with it. The only thing stopping me is he IS my kids dad, and I know he has no where to go. So how do I justify that!? I am so over it. It's to the point that I literally can't stand the sight of him anymore. And it's so or about the WLS... It's about me not being happy anymore and wanting out of this marriage that has No trust, no respect, and me supporting the whole family!!! He won't even get a job!

Sorry this want was so long..... But now u know why I lurk so much on the boards! It's a distraction from my real life aggravation! Oh and I failed to mention I am also the proud mommy of 6 kids... 2 of which are differently abled. Bella has cerebral palsy and Harley has mosaic Down syndrome. (A very rare form of downs) ... I wouldn't change my babies for the world... I'm just stressed beyond belief!!

Thanks for listening.... Sorry so long!

[ReDbEaN 654]

Ok my turn... Lol. *warning very long!* My husband says he will support my decision to have WLS. However, every time he goes to a store, gas station, or any place he brings me back chocolate, ice cream, or chips. Now what sense does it make to be waiting for WLS, eating that stuff? I asked him If he realized that I had stopped eating junk and am trying to cut what I eat in half? He said no. I personally think because we already have a rocky marriage (that honestly I want out of)...he is trying to sabotage my efforts. He has made the comments many times that I'm going to lose all this weight and since I'm already in school.... I'm going to get a good job, be thin, and no see anything in him anymore. Like I told him... It has nothing to do with losing weight and bettering myself that makes me not wanna be with him... It's the stupid **** he says that just make me wanna choke him! He makes comments to the kids when they're eating (and they can eat!) like did u really eat all that? And now u want more? I'm scared this is going to cause them to develop an eating disorder! It contributed to my problem with food when I was a child And my after would say things like putting on a bit of weight huh? Or keep eating like that and ur gonna be an ugly fat girl that no one wants to be around. Now that I have weight issues, I keep hearin his words on my head. I know it's not real... But that stuff leaves lasting impressions! And I'm not ok with it. When the hubs starts it with the kids, I flip **** and look batshit crazy! I won't have my kids have mental issues with food if I can prevent it! As for my marriage, I haven't been happy in it for a long time... Like 2 years. I am ready to just sign the papers and be done with it. The only thing stopping me is he IS my kids dad, and I know he has no where to go. So how do I justify that!? I am so over it. It's to the point that I literally can't stand the sight of him anymore. And it's so or about the WLS... It's about me not being happy anymore and wanting out of this marriage that has No trust, no respect, and me supporting the whole family!!! He won't even get a job! Sorry this want was so long..... But now u know why I lurk so much on the boards! It's a distraction from my real life aggravation! Oh and I failed to mention I am also the proud mommy of 6 kids... 2 of which are differently abled. Bella has cerebral palsy and Harley has mosaic Down syndrome. (A very rare form of downs) ... I wouldn't change my babies for the world... I'm just stressed beyond belief!! Thanks for listening.... Sorry so long!

Aww Hun, so sorry about your husband. I have a very strong opinion about useless men...My opinion - cut him loose!!! If he loved you AND his kids he would support y'all - Physically, emotionally, financially!!! If he has no where to go, that's his problem. The only thing I will say is that when you do decide to do this, I pray you have loved ones who will be supportive of you.

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

Misty, you need a confidant/counselor who can work through the many issues with you. I challenge you to not go through this weight loss surgery in a year until you work through this with your husband. I could say so many sweet kind words to you, things that would help you feel better, but probably would be criticized by someone. But I am a Mother, Grandmother, and I have been at a place in my life like you. No one could help me then, I had to do it myself. I made wrong choices and I paid the consequences. With six blessed babies with your husband, he deserves the opportunity to be in counseling with you. Please look at working on what is wrong in your marriage before you try to change your personal appearance. You can try to eat healthier and be happier in this year to come, but your husband is scared and acting out, and for good reason. If he is not out there job hunting then shame on him. Please stay with us and look toward changing the dynamics of your family situation, with professional help. God Bless.

[*Misty*Raine* 192]

Misty, you need a confidant/counselor who can work through the many issues with you. I challenge you to not go through this weight loss surgery in a year until you work through this with your husband. I could say so many sweet kind words to you, things that would help you feel better, but probably would be criticized by someone. But I am a Mother, Grandmother, and I have been at a place in my life like you. No one could help me then, I had to do it myself. I made wrong choices and I paid the consequences. With six blessed babies with your husband, he deserves the opportunity to be in counseling with you. Please look at working on what is wrong in your marriage before you try to change your personal appearance. You can try to eat healthier and be happier in this year to come, but your husband is scared and acting out, and for good reason. If he is not out there job hunting then shame on him. Please stay with us and look toward changing the dynamics of your family situation, with professional help. God Bless.

The whole reason for my WLS is that I have copd, an many medical problems that are slowly killing me. I have I have the surgery not to make myself look good but rather to save my life. I have explained that most of my medical problems could be demolished if I have this surgery. I have had to be hospitalized 4 times in the last 3 mos due to copd exacerbations. The dr told my husband that I'd be so much better off if I lost 120lbs. At first he was all about it... Now he's making the rude obnoxious comments! I get he's scared. I get he thinks I'm gonna leave him once I'm smaller. But that's not the case. I have been unhappy in our marriage for years. Even tho I made the appts, he wouldn't go to counseling cause he thinks that it's gonna be a bashing session. I explained it doesn't work like that!! I just don't know how to save this marriage anymore. It's mentally draining!

[*Misty*Raine* 192]

Until I can get in to see someone, i do appreciate the support and compassion we give each other on this board. You guys are great and I thank you for that!

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

I am so sorry Misty. You do the best you can girl. Take care of yourself and those kids. Your health comes first because your children need their Mother.

[*Misty*Raine* 192]

I am so sorry Misty. You do the best you can girl. Take care of yourself and those kids. Your health comes first because your children need their Mother.

Ty for the kind words! I always put the babes first! they are my rock and my world. I am just trying to decide ow to go about this and what I need to do is pretty obvious. I just want it to be peaceful. Ya know!?