Not the response you wanted...Oh you've lost weight? really?

[WshfullyShrnkng 80]

Story time:

So I went to my gramma's house two weeks ago and while I was there we were chatting about clothing and such. My gramma tried to send me home with a huge bag of potatoes which I kindly told her I was not interested in. She shot back with "What you don't eat potatoes now either!" (Referencing my parents who are healthy eaters as of these last two years and having lost lots of weight and wanting to keep it off.) I told her "No I eat potatoes but I will never remember to take them home with me." I then proceeded to mention that I do try to eat a little better and that I had lost 50+ pounds....She looked me right in the eye and said "Oh, you've lost weight? Really?" I was kind of taken back by her comment...can she not notice?? 50+ pounds is a lot. My heart sank to the pit of my stomach. Did she say this to be hurtful or is she truly that blissfully ignorant to my weight loss. *Note:she does not know I had the surgery...She is very critical of my mother who had RNY many moons ago. I didn't dare tell her about my lapband. Yikes that's scary.

Anywho, has anyone ever had this problem with friends and family? What did you say about it? How long did it take for your family to notice your change? And whats your current weight loss?

[SandyM 1,956]

I had probably lost 35-40 before people begin to notice and that was nearly half what I needed to lose. You do know grandmas like to shoe affection with food don't you

[Leepers 1,195]

So sorry to hear that. I'm not sure how old your grandma is, she probably doesn't mean to be hurtful. It reminds me of when I was a fat little kid and my overweight dad would take me to see his mom. She would practically force feed us all kinds of bad food and then called us her "little butterballs." It was hurtful.

I was just banded Wednesday. I've told my family, who are all very supportive. But I haven't told my husband's family because I don't want to hear their opinion and they all have big opinions.

Just keep doing what you're doing. It's nice to have outside approval but the best approval comes from within. Knowing you're doing a good job, knowing you're doing the right thing for yourself, and feeling good about yourself.

[Sherlock1969 231]

I have 2 sisters who went on and on about a mutual friend who lost 30lbs...I had just lost 30-35 as well (this past summer)...they said nothing to me. My teenage son overheard with me and he was so angry that they couldn't say anything to me about my weight loss. They noticed, they just refused to say. Punishing me? One sister is heavy and, like me, has battled her weight most of her life; the other has always been very thin and has recently started to thicken with age...jealous? I don't know. I recently saw them again, again no mention of the almost 50lbs I am down. It bothered me a bit less; not sure why...maybe because I feel SO GOOD and what they say or don't say can't diminish that. Stay the course, girlie. Take the compliments with a 'thank you' and a grin. And for those that have negative comments or none at all, remember it is there issue/deal not yours.

Edited December 21, 2013 by Sherlock1969

[LouiseC 1,031]

Sometimes the people who love you simply don't see it. They see you, not your weight. This is not to say everyone who loves you doesn't see it, just that some special people just don't. I am happy your grandma is one of them. I read this as she sees you, her grandchild, for all your positives and strengths.

[gowalking 10,790]

It's because they are family that comments like that can hurt so much. I agree with some of the posts...maybe grandma is just clueless and not being cruel. You know how much weight you've lost, and how much better you feel and look, so just keep on keeping on.

[WshfullyShrnkng 80]

I had probably lost 35-40 before people begin to notice and that was nearly half what I needed to lose. You do know grandmas like to shoe affection with food don't you

See my gramma likes to sabotage....When my mom first had her surgery my gramma talked about how she would never lose weight and its stupid that ppl have surgery to lose weight. If we all lose weight that makes her the "fat" one. She doesn't want that so she always is trying to force food on anyone who is trying to diet...now my great grammas...they are the ones who want to love you with food lol.

[WshfullyShrnkng 80]

So sorry to hear that. I'm not sure how old your grandma is, she probably doesn't mean to be hurtful. It reminds me of when I was a fat little kid and my overweight dad would take me to see his mom. She would practically force feed us all kinds of bad food and then called us her "little butterballs." It was hurtful.

I was just banded Wednesday. I've told my family, who are all very supportive. But I haven't told my husband's family because I don't want to hear their opinion and they all have big opinions.

Just keep doing what you're doing. It's nice to have outside approval but the best approval comes from within. Knowing you're doing a good job, knowing you're doing the right thing for yourself, and feeling good about yourself.

My gramma is not supportive of people losing weight. She doesn't want to be the "fat" one. Our family has a string of "haters" in it. One of my great aunts used to make my mother clean house while she would let my moms sister bake and eat Cookies. My mom was heavy and my aunt is skinny so my great aunt would let the skinny sister eat junk and made my mom clean so that she could lose weight. Well my gramma is the type to sabotage. She always is huffing and puffing about my aunt and mom losing weight. Its crazy that they get bashed because they want to be healthy. My aunt teases my gramma too by only cooking healthy when my gramma goes to visit and boy does that piss her off!! She will rant and rave for days about how they had to eat "chiiiickkkenn" and it wasn't fried...haha!!

[cheryl2586 3,053]

I think for me it was 70lbs and all I ever heard was are you pregnant which to me is a terrible thing to say to someone its as bad is telling someone is that your mother when its your girlfriend lol. People are rude but you don't owe her an explanation. Family's suck sometimes lol

[WshfullyShrnkng 80]

I have 2 sisters who went on and on about a mutual friend who lost 30lbs...I had just lost 30-35 as well (this past summer)...they said nothing to me. My teenage son overheard with me and he was so angry that they couldn't say anything to me about my weight loss. They noticed, they just refused to say. Punishing me? One sister is heavy and, like me, has battled her weight most of her life; the other has always been very thin and has recently started to thicken with age...jealous? I don't know. I recently saw them again, again no mention of the almost 50lbs I am down. It bothered me a bit less; not sure why...maybe because I feel SO GOOD and what they say or don't say can't diminish that. Stay the course, girlie. Take the compliments with a 'thank you' and a grin. And for those that have negative comments or none at all, remember it is there issue/deal not yours.

I am lucky enough to have my coworkers, boyfriend, and best friends notice that I have lost weight...and some days I can see it in myself. I have a very skewed view of what I look like. Its crazy to think how much I have lost and how I can still see myself as that morbidly obese person. I know my gramma says what she does because of her own insecurity. I have watched as she has bea

I have 2 sisters who went on and on about a mutual friend who lost 30lbs...I had just lost 30-35 as well (this past summer)...they said nothing to me. My teenage son overheard with me and he was so angry that they couldn't say anything to me about my weight loss. They noticed, they just refused to say. Punishing me? One sister is heavy and, like me, has battled her weight most of her life; the other has always been very thin and has recently started to thicken with age...jealous? I don't know. I recently saw them again, again no mention of the almost 50lbs I am down. It bothered me a bit less; not sure why...maybe because I feel SO GOOD and what they say or don't say can't diminish that. Stay the course, girlie. Take the compliments with a 'thank you' and a grin. And for those that have negative comments or none at all, remember it is there issue/deal not yours.

oh poo I lost everything I had typed to you. Basically long story short this is the pattern for my grandma. I have lost weight before and was running 5 days a week and almost out of the 200's and she never noticed either. Infact she talked about how snug my clothes were....I had lost over 50+ pounds that time. She knew i was eating better and working out soooo....I know i have changed and if she doesn't want to "see" it then i will move on...I have coworkers, family, friends, and my boyfriend who can tell and somedays I can see the change. thats all that matters. Great work on losing the weight.

[WshfullyShrnkng 80]

I think for me it was 70lbs and all I ever heard was are you pregnant which to me is a terrible thing to say to someone its as bad is telling someone is that your mother when its your girlfriend lol. People are rude but you don't owe her an explanation. Family's suck sometimes lol

Great job on losing so much weight!! I hope to see 70+ pounds down in the future. Hopefully the near future lol. Its amazing the hurtful things people can say. I am not one to beat around the bush but I also won't purposely say things that I know will hurt someone. I have seen this time and time again with my gramma. My mom has lost a lot of weight and is now 160-170 pounds. She had the RNY. Regained the weight and then took control and lost it all again. She still has more to lose because she is a shorty. She is still seen according to doctors as being overweight. My gramma had the nerve to say she was too thin and turning into an anorexic. Which she frequently claims people are whenever they lose weight. haha. Silly gramma...ppl just like to be healthy so they don't hurt as much. I know it has to do with how she was raised so i let it go...but secretly I hold on to a pair of pajamas she gave me years ago that she said, "i dont know why im giving you these, you will never fit into them" well for me that is challenged accepted. I dont care if I have to be cut out of them at the end of the day...I will get into those pj's one day very soon!!

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

She's your grandmother, so take her shopping or something, away from the kitchen, LOL! We all have family dynamics that drive us crazy, LOL. Focus on positive people and just love your family.

[Sherlock1969 231]

Wshfully, I totally get where you are coming from! We can't change them, but we can change our response to them....I'm here for ya~! And I know you will get in to those pjs!! Maybe you can start giving gramma your hand me downs, tell her they are too big for you, but you thought they might fit her. LOL

[WshfullyShrnkng 80]

She's your grandmother, so take her shopping or something, away from the kitchen, LOL! We all have family dynamics that drive us crazy, LOL. Focus on positive people and just love your family.

I did take her shopping the next day....she bought me chocolate covered raisins...dang it!! lol I slipped up but thats okay...it could have been worse...right? lol

[WshfullyShrnkng 80]

Wshfully, I totally get where you are coming from! We can't change them, but we can change our response to them....I'm here for ya~! And I know you will get in to those pjs!! Maybe you can start giving gramma your hand me downs, tell her they are too big for you, but you thought they might fit her. LOL

Funny thing is I have done that to her. I told her I would give her some of my old scrubs and then this last time I visited her she asked if I brought the scrubs that were too tight on me...and I said no! I'm giving you my ones that are too big. and she said oh that's right. haha. Guess what shes getting this Christmas...all my oversized scrubs that I can't wear anymore...shes wanted them for months now. familys can be crazy!!