Dreading Going Home for the Holidays

[Disabledaccount 154]

So I didn't tell anyone about my surgery, just that I've been dieting and exercising. Well now that it's getting close to the holidays and ill be heading home soon I'm starting to panic. It's noticeable how little I'm eating and my family knows how much I like to eat, also they're huge food pushers and there's stuff I can't eat anymore that's going to be shoved in my face. Oh did I mention most of my relatives are obese?

I'm just starting to get into the swing of things with my food plan, tracking, exercising and drinking enough Water and I really don't want to be detailed or lose track over the holidays. I don't want to tell anyone about having had surgery because it's really isn't their business and I'm not interested in their opinions or judgment so really at a loss for how make it through the holidays. Help!

[obxhousewife 24]

Don't feel like the Lone Ranger honey. I didn't announce my surgery either. There are some people who know like my inlaws (who are completely supportive), and a couple of close friends, but for the most part I'm like you - it's no one's business but mine.

Whenever my mom mentions it to someone she gets it all wrong and tells them I had lap band or bypass surgery. (Wrong! I had the sleeve)

When people ask me how I'm doing it - I don't lie, but I don't go into a lot of detail either.

I tell them that I've drastically changed my eating habits and that I don't eat anything anymore (which is basically true), and that I'm working my ass off at the YMCA (which is also true).

If someone came right out and asked me if I had surgery I would tell them, but you don't go around asking if someone had a vasectomy or a tubal ligation, right?

I've had people imply (and even come right out and say) "Oh that's cheating." "That's the easy way to loose weight."

My answer to them is - "No, it isn't easy or cheating. You try to live off of 4-5 ounces of food at a time when you're used to eating 5x that. And I'm working out, too. Oh and major surgery is no picnic either."

Go to your Christmas celebration. Taste everything and eat nothing. Enjoy yourself and show them what a success you are.

[L-in-NJ 136]

Well you've already said that they know you're dieting. Just stick with that and be firm when they insist on you breaking your diet. Just tell them your committed to it and you would appreciate if they didn't try to deter you.

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

fix small plates then dump them when you can. Find the Soup pot, or make Soup for your specialty dish! We told no one either, husband and I and we are winging it LOL!!!! Soup works! Turkey works if you are far enough out, you will do great!!! Merry Christmas!

[Idairene 37]

Or just tell them you picked up a stomach bug from your travels and have no appetite.

[JeanZ_RN 378]

The best revenge is living life your own way. You will be the one still on the healthy path when the holiday is over; they will be continuing their self-destructive habits.

I agree with L-in-NJ wholeheartedly: ...be firm when they insist on you breaking your diet. Just tell them you're committed to it and you would appreciate if they didn't try to deter SABOTAGE you.

[LuminousLife 145]

I feel your pain! Im going with the stomach bug route I think.

[L-in-NJ 136]

I feel your pain! Im going with the stomach bug route I think.

So what happens the next time you are at a family affair? You can't keep using the stomach virus excuse. Sometimes you just have to put your foot down with people and stand up for yourself. You don't have to be rude but be firm and let people know that you won't force your new lifestyle on them and they shouldn't force anything on you.

[Disabledaccount 154]

Good tips! I guess my relatives can be pushy so I know it'll be non stop questions but I guess I just have to be firm and deflect when possible. Another thing I'm dreading is seeing them overeat in front of me. We love food a bit too much and seeing them eat mounds of food in front of me is going to make me sick to my stomach. Also I really hope it doesn't trigger any food cravings. I live by myself, do the shopping and cook what I want so it's been pretty easy for me to stick to the plan. I'm afraid too many variables I can't control leading to a slip up.

[Idairene 37]

... Another thing I'm dreading is seeing them overeat in front of me. We love food a bit too much and seeing them eat mounds of food in front of me is going to make me sick to my stomach. Also I really hope it doesn't trigger any food cravings. I live by myself, do the shopping and cook what I want so it's been pretty easy for me to stick to the plan. I'm afraid too many variables I can't control leading to a slip up.

I hear you! I went to visit family for Thanksgiving and had a really struggle with seeing my brother over-eat. It did not trigger over-eating for me but opened my eyes and made me recommit to the healthy way I eat now. I think they had trouble with a couple of things with me. One was seeing me throw food out - I was served a plate, rather than being allowed to select my own food. I immediately got up and threw out what was not healthy for me, and kept reasonable portions on my plate. I threw out the green bean casserole and made my own chopped spinach with lemon. Another thing was how frequently I ate - every few hours I had my healthy mini meal. They were like, what, your eating again?

I know you feel this is none of there business, but you might consider simply coming clean and telling them you had the surgery because you and your team determined it was medically necessary, that you were lucky to have insurance that covered it and support for your preop and recovery.

I gave close family 2 articles to read The Fat Trap http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/01/magazine/tara-parker-pope-fat-trap.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

And Surgery is Not the Easy Way Out http://www.obesityhelp.com/articles/surgery-is-not-the-easy-way-out-a-bariatric-surgeons-perspective

I asked them to read these and then I would answer any questions they had. As WLS pioneers, I think we have a certain responsibility to educate those around us that care about us.