Top Secret: Who did you tell?

[w8loser 58]

Hi, all! I've been contemplating who all should I tell that I'm having this surgery. So far, I've told my husband, my kids, my mom, 2 of 3 siblings, & 1 close friend. My husband is a bit apprehensive but supportive. My mom is totally supportive. As a matter of fact, she wants the surgery too but her (self employed) insurance doesn't cover it. The siblings I told because I figured they'd be positive are trying to talk me out of it. The sister that I didn't tell because of her negative attitude in the past may have been the one I should've told. My friend had the gastric bypass about 8 years ago so that's why I told her. Although, she is not very supportive of the sleeve.

My dad has always called me fat & asked when am I going to lose weight? I just want to let the end result speak for itself rather than tell him. Don't get me wrong, I love my father but he has such prejudiced opinions about plus sized women (he's overweight). Most other family members, especially my mom's side, are overly critical, judgy, & jealous hearted (haters, if you will). So, no support there. I'm wondering if I actually told more people, will I be pleasantly surprised at their reaction? Will they actually provide me with the support that I need? Who did you tell & why? Did any of their reactions surprise you?

Edited December 15, 2013 by w8loser

[witty2cute 3]

I told my family and some close friends before hand. They were all very supportive. I didn't tell any ofmy coworkers except the one I spend the most time with. I do overnights at a hospital in Cat Scan. But afterwards I ended up telling most people I see in a daily basis, I.e. my coworkers. It is hard to explain the rapid weight loss after being off work a couple of weeks. Honestly, everyone has been very supportive. I hurt my backin 2012 and ended up having major surgery so everyone is very happy that ia, feeling even better!

I think it sucks that your family isnt supportive but you need to do what is right for you. Dont worry about what anyone else thinks because no one else lives your life! You will feel so much better and that will be the proof your family needs!

[planetheather 137]

I told my mom because she was my ride home from the hospital. I asked her not to tell other family members except my dad. I don't think of my family as "haters" but they are definitely judgy and many are the "skinny all my life; fat people are lazy and gluttonous" types. Actually, the overweight ones are worse in that they know all the answers, they just haven't gotten around to applying them.

My husband made me tell the kids and that was the right thing to do. I'm not telling any friends except 3 close ones. They have all been very supportive. I'm happy that I haven't told other friends, family or any coworkers. I just don't want to be judged or questioned about my choice.

But I will share this one great conversation I had with my close friend (size 4 her whole life) about my concerns that some people would judge me that I'd taken "the easy way" out of my weight problem. Her response? "B*tch, please! You just told me that you've given up coffee, alcohol, smoking, and croissants! That sure doesn't sound like the easy way to me!" I love that chick.

[Shells_Almost_There 357]

I've told almost no one and I'm glad. Many of those who know (out of just 11 people total) are the people who do 2 things: Over-compliment my weight loss each day (bizarre, it's truly not that noticeable) and watch and then comment on what I eat. Ugh. They mean well, they are not critical usually - they want the best for me. Lots of people on this site have told everyone, and some people have told very few. I'm just a private person and very independent so I didn't want to hear constant comments or have them watch my food intake. That was my choice - we all have to find that balance of who to tell and who not to tell.

One piece of advice during this journey - don't put too much credence on what others think about the surgery or what they reflect back to you about the surgery or your future weight loss, if at all possible! Unless they have had surgery, they don't know your journey and it seems that a lot of other peoples' insecurities and pain will come at you as you experience success -- be strong for yourself and stand up for what you're doing, regardless of who you tell and what their reactions are. You are in this for YOU.

Edited December 15, 2013 by Shells_Almost_There

[SueJH 205]

I've told just about everyone from family to co-workers. I have had nothing but great support from them all. Were some of them a little worried for me before going into surgery? Sure, but now that it is over and they see that I made it through fine and am healthier, they are even more happy for me.

You need to do what is right for you. I feel that I am very lucky to have such an amazing circle of people around me, but unfortunately not everyone is as lucky as I have been.

Best of luck to you on your journey!

[joatsaint 2,814]

[MsK1972 112]

I had to have a large mass removed from behind my intestine and was sleeved at the same time, I told everyone about THE MASS but not about my sleeve..I told my daughter & my bestie only. Then I came up with a great excuse about having a partial gastronomy because I knew the weight loss would be a tough one.

Here's the thing..my family can be really judgy and other ppl can too..I figured starting my new life style would be hard enough without all the comments & opinions../also surgery scares everyone so I didn't wanna hear the you could die conversation a million times. I am so glad I chose to do it this way because everyone is cheering in my recovery and every now and then they say and wow you look great. I'm 29 lbs down since I left the hospital after being sleeved 10/30..I'm a slow loser but my BMI was 35.7 so I expected slow weight loss. I'm very happy and I wouldn't change a thing. Already I've dropped 2 dress sizes. And I'm not even working out yet. Released to start in January. The large incision on my lower abdomen from the other surgery slowed me down.

Goodluck dear...remember this is YOUR choice nobody else's.

[taylokat 180]

I told my husband, my 3 children (ages 23, 21 & 14), my brother and his wife, and one close friend. 7 people total. Nobody at work and no other family. Sometimes I'm sorry I can't freely talk about it and there's a few people I would like to tell now but for the most part I'm not sorry. Too many judgmental people, too many people that would be watching what I eat. I'm 8 months out and still feel it's nobody's business.

[account closed 20]

Just some food for thought from personal experience... when you decide who to tell, make sure you think about who they might tell and if you don't want them to tell anyone -say so!

[Divadee35 47]

I tell everyone.. I also don't have a problem speaking my mind either! In this day and time people talk when you doing good or bad! What counts is your health and the choices you make to get healthier..

[_imgood_ 63]

I told everyone also, no worries! I'm leaving those at the hospital with the rest of my stomach!

[Divadee35 47]

Exactly!

[DreaE 13]

I told everyone who would listen. I couldn't contain my excitement. I could care less what negative they think about me. I have thought so negative about myself for years that their opinions don't phase me. If it's positive though I pay attention to that lol

[BabySheldon 158]

Just 5 people...thats it....my mother just found out two days ago....

Not remotely interested in the harsh judgement....

Shekdon

[BabySheldon 158]

Just 5 people...thats it....my mother just found out two days ago....<br> Not remotely interested in the harsh judgement....<br><br> Sheldon