Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Romance vs sex



Recommended Posts

Well, let me give a counter point. I was in a long term relationship with someone who treated me like I was invisible. I lost about 125# and brought up... "hey I have lost alot of weight, have you noticed?" he barely lifted an eyebrow. I would have welcomed him regaining interest in me sexually/attraction/romance ANYTHING. So, while I understand the confused and mixed emotions, consider the alternatives and how that MIGHT make you feel...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm preparing for my surgery but I've been thinking a lot about losing weight and being visible again. My husband keeps telling me that people will treat me differently. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I "attracted" a lot of people with serious issues and I don't want to start that again :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm in sort of a tough spot like the op seeks to be in.

My hubby went back to school 3 years ago ft while working ft and being daddy to our now 4 and 6 year old kids.

Guess what fell to the back burners?? Yep..His desire and want to give me any attention. We've had talks and I've told him it's in his court now..years of rejection have gotten me used to no attention at all. And now he's dealing with me never wanting his advances. I have a therapist I meet with monthly but I do wonder if losing the rest of this weight will cause him to pay me more attention.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

YES! I know what you mean! I had gotten used to my husband NOT being there, due to heavy work schedule. The few times we are all together, I'm still in solo mode! We talked about him getting off third shift today, 20 years and 5 kids later might I add, and now about to be skinny again, lol! He may not show me a lot of romantic attention, but he most definitely notices other guys checking me out. I've always been a "curvy girl," but I imagine I will have a super confidence boost as the weight comes off.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh and if I can find a sexy,two piece bathing suit that compliments my new body, I'm definitely planning on rocking it! Lmbo! :-D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I must admit my sex life got better. No that he was not interested, I think he likes the lighter me better during sex. He never complained before, but he did say me being 40 pounds lighter is great during sex. Sorry, hope not graphic.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Love this post question. ..m8nes never said nothing even at my highest weight. ..yes its even better and yes he is more attentive even voices a little jealousy when other notice me..but I think its harder for me to accept the changes because I 2 was behind the scenes. ..hw 349...sw 301...today 218 ...surgery 6/18/2013

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Maybe your husband's issues are about him and not about you at all? I'm in a 12 step group and a lot of the men there are workaholics who were able to woo their wives, but then disappeared into work and their addiction to avoid intimacy. Their wives become this distant island that they visit for sex but in general avoid because they don't know HOW to maintain true intimacy, vulnerability, and presence.

Something about the way you described him made me think about my fellowship, I could of course be totally wrong and off base. I don't mean to offend, just wanted to say that you could be experiencing a byproduct of something about your spouse instead of yourself.

I wish you nothing but the best of luck on your journey!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There are mental changes as well as physical associated with large weight loss for a lot of us. Some men get a bit intimidated when their partner changes so drastically physically. And becoming more confident may increase that feeling. You really have to keep that communication open.

But there are definite advantages to the physical relationship when you weigh less. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

WOW! The feedback has been great!!! The hubbs and I talked about it. At first, he was defensive, but he's come around. It's SO true, communication is important, but I was dreading telling him bc of what his response might be. I think he had an a-ha moment and discovered somethings about himself. I also have been evaluating my "role" in our marriage more. All the input has been very helpful! :-)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've been around wls boards for the past 7 years. I've seen marriages break up over this.

Some husbands don't like the attention their wives got. Somebody just posted about this. Some women got attention from other men and wanted out of their marriages.

Some women don't want to have sex because they hate their hanging skin. There are all sorts of marital problems that can come up with WLS.

I've also seen it go the other way of course, The husbands are thrilled with their wives new bodies and the fact that they love to have sex now because they feel better about themselves.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Bashbee91

      Hey guys new to the process looking forward to this new life. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Bugg

      Hi everyone! I’m brand new here. I just went through all my pre-op requirements per my insurance company and now everything has been submitted and I’m just waiting for final approval and my surgery date. I’ve been doing research, watching YouTube videos, TikTok’s, ect.. trying to prepare my mind and what to expect so I’ll be ready for the surgery. I was so sure and so set and so ready and excited. However, now that I’ve done everything & it’s almost here, I am sooooooo scared! I know why I want it bc I’ve tried everything and I just don’t feel like I can lose weight by myself. I’m tired of being overweight my entire life. I’m miserable, but I keep psyching myself out afraid of GERD bc I know how that can be and I don’t want to have to get a bypass after already gaining the courage to even get VSG. I’m scared of complications like I’mgoing to regret doing it and be depressed that I didn’t just be more disciplined and try again to lose the weight on my own even sitting here typing this knowing in my mind i just can’t and don’t possess the discipline. I’m also afraid I won’t be able to handle the restrictions of the sleeve. What do I eat? I don’t know how to eat healthy really and don’t enjoy healthy food. I don’t know how to do this! I feel so defeated!Someone tell me they felt anything similar to this or am I not ready? I thought I was. I am so tired of being sick and tired and so tired of myself and so tired of being stuck and stuck in this body and somebody different on the outside from what I feel inside. I just want to ball up and cry.
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • buildabetteranna

      over 20 lbs down since4 the pre surgery diet and surgery on the 14th
      · 1 reply
      1. Selina333

        Yay!! Congrats. I know how good that feels. 🤩

    • Jenopolis

      Had a sleeve in 2017, lost over 100 pounds. Had a DS surgery this year (2025) for more sustainable weight loss. 🤞
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • buildabetteranna

      The 14th was my day. I am home and recovery is going pretty smooth. They even let me walk out of the hospital. Picture of me in recovery curtesy of my boyfriend lol. 

      · 3 replies
      1. DaisyChainOz

        Glad it went well!! Wishing you a speedy recovery and wonderful success!! 🤗

      2. buildabetteranna

        Thank you ❤️

      3. Selina333

        Neat you have a pic of this day! I was sooo happy to get my surgery. It was well worth it! And I'm not even near my goal. I had surgery Dec. 2!

  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×