DNR Order!?!?

[magtart 603]

I made the mistake of showing my husband a video of the sleeve surgery. Now he is all freaked out and wants me to sign a Medical Power of Attorney and a DNR order. I can understand the MPOA, but a DNR seems ridiculous to me.

The back story: Back in 2008 he had a 17 hour, very dangerous, cancer surgery in is head and neck area. At that time he was not expected to live long without the surgery and he signed both of those documents. The surgery he had in no way is comparable to a VSG. On top of that, after 10 years of cancer treatment including radiation to the head and neck, he is having cognitive issues, is hearing and vision impaired, and a host of other issues. I am scared to give him my MPOA for fear of what he would do if something were to happen.

My surgery is Tuesday and my son is coming with me because my husband is unable to. Should I just tell him they could not do it because he was not there to sign? I think when he was at MD Anderson in 2008 we both had to sign the forms.

ACK

[GotItDoneInHarlem 302]

This is your husband. You're always supposed to be up front with the ones you love. Whether or not he likes it, you have a valid argument. These conversations suck, but this is your guy. He deserves to be told the truth about how you feel.

[QueenCityGal 76]

Signing a DNR is a very personal decision. If you don't want that, then you should make that clear. The health care proxy (or MPOA as you put it) is another story. That should be assigned to a sound and responsible party who is willing to act in your best interest, should there be a need (lets hope there isn't in the case of our surgeries!!). And yes both you and the other party need to sign that. The DNR is only your signature. (At least that's how it is in my state)

Me, I go DNR. Because I don't ever want to be kept alive on a machine or be seriously effed up otherwise...

Just my opinion and thoughts! And oh yeah, aren't we all going in on the same day? ^^

PS: We are all going to be just fine!!

[magtart 603]

I should never have showed him that video. I have tried to explain how I feel but he can't quite grasp what I am trying to tell him. To top it off his super good hearing aids are out for repair and he is wearing his old ones which means I have to practically yell to communicate with him.

[tddonnell67 57]

I had a living will drawn up and put on file. Nobody else had to sign but a witness and pastoral care. It just says my husband will make decisions and I don't want any heroic measures taken should my condition be irreversible. You wouldn't have to tell your husband about it. However I told my husband but I made it clear I would not ever want to be kept on a ventilator or be bedridden in a nursing home. I'm only 28 but I'm an ICU nurse and I frequently see people kept alive when they shouldn't be. There are worse things then dying in my opinion.

[magtart 603]

Maybe I will do that, thanks.

[tddonnell67 57]

Queencitygal brought up a good point. Things may vary from state to state.

[Ms.AntiBand 2,984]

DNR? Oh hell NO! If I die, there better a ton of people working their asses off bringing me back. I've died twice and have been brought back.. And I'll admit I'm quite happy they did.

[JeanZ_RN 378]

The MPOA is a not-bad idea, but you might want to consider appointing your son or a close friend as your surrogate decision-maker since your husband is having cognitive issues. Keep in mind that if you have neither of those documents on file, your next of kin (your husband) will automatically be asked to make decisions if you cannot.

[missmee 32]

You can't be a dnr and have surgery. It's contradictory. In the hospital part of our pre surgical checklist is to make sure dnr is rescinded. Intubation is a no no on a dnr.

[CrazyJaney 775]

Everyone (regardless of having surgery) needs a Living Will that spells out what they want if something happened to them. And everyone needs to name a responsible adult as a Medical POA. ALL patients would be ventilated and or resuscitated during surgery and (usually) up to 24 hours post op. Married or not, your husbands health issues and cognitive issue might make him a poor advocate for you. Most people choose an adult child in that situation. Complications could happen but the data is overwhelmingly supportive that it is a safe surgery. If you have heart, lung or vascular problems, your chances might be higher. Talk to the surgeon and or the anesthesia nurse. Your medical team would take all factors into account and you need to feel like your physician knows and understands your feelings. Not sure how to help your husband - anxiety is a fearsome foe.

[taylokat 180]

Everyone (regardless of having surgery) needs a Living Will that spells out what they want if something happened to them. And everyone needs to name a responsible adult as a Medical POA. ALL patients would be ventilated and or resuscitated during surgery and (usually) up to 24 hours post op. Married or not, your husbands health issues and cognitive issue might make him a poor advocate for you. Most people choose an adult child in that situation. Complications could happen but the data is overwhelmingly supportive that it is a safe surgery. If you have heart, lung or vascular problems, your chances might be higher. Talk to the surgeon and or the anesthesia nurse. Your medical team would take all factors into account and you need to feel like your physician knows and understands your feelings. Not sure how to help your husband - anxiety is a fearsome foe.

I agree 100%

[magtart 603]

Here is what my sister, an oncology nurse, said:

"DO NOT SIGN A DNR!!! That's crazy. He's probably just over reacting because of his own condition. You'll be fine. Go ahead and do a living will."

I would give her my MPOA, but she lives in another state. Fortunately, we will be moving back there this coming Spring.

[newat52 1,613]

Holy cow!

Why do people watch the procedure? If I had watched it, I know I wouldn't have done it! Hell, when we were in childbirth classes they showed us the movie of a baby being born vaginally and then c-section I had to close my eyes and cover my ears! I'm a big wuss in that respect.

I want to go to the market and pick up my nicely packaged meat. I sure don't want to see how it is slaughtered and processed.

sometimes ignorance is bliss! At least for me anyway!

How many of y'all watched the procedure before having it done?

[Ms.AntiBand 2,984]

I watched it and post op I watched the copy of my own surgery.. Eye opening it was.