To all veterans...

[Chellemetime 299]

I find myself watching obese people sometimes.. It could probably look like staring. But not judging.. I see a person and sometimes I see their sadness. And I feel like I know them. I fell like I am them just living in a different body now. It's funny but I feel like if they see me they judge me in a different way.. I want to say I know how you feel! I was you not that long ago! But of course I don't, we are only strangers to each other and to them I'm just some "normal" person possibly judging..

Laura said it just right! I feel their pain!!

[cathycnyrs 85]

Almost a year ago I had dinner with an old friend that I used to work with. She had lost her job after 16 years and was depressed and told me over the phone she had gained 150 lbs. she was probably 250 or higher the last time I saw her. I wasn't prepared... She could hardly walk... And was probably 450 or higher... She was in the position of not being able to get a job and had back problems and was trying to get disability.

After that night I worried for her, feeling like she would end up bedridden... I also worried for myself... When I retire will I get bigger and bigger? Will I be able to walk? My feet were constantly hurting, I was already having problems.

I took my friend to lunch a few months later and she couldn't wear a seatbelt and couldn't step up on a curb, we had to find a restaurant without one....

Reconnecting with her lead to my decision to have the surgery. I called her before, but didn't tell her. I wanted to tell her face to face. I was going to see her while I was on leave, but time flew by and I was back to work...

She had a heart attack and died in her sleep 2 days before Thanksgiving. She was 38 years old, married, with a 10 year old daughter. Her death has devastated me. I will be an example and advocate for WLS.

[No game 14,437]

Cathy,

I am sorry to hear about your friend...

But thank you for telling us about her. It really resonates with me and I'm sure a lot of other people here.

Before this surgery I knew I would die early I felt my mortality every time I climbed the stairs winded heart palpitations death anytime..

These are the important things.

Again thank you for sharing this powerful story.

Almost a year ago I had dinner with an old friend that I used to work with. She had lost her job after 16 years and was depressed and told me over the phone she had gained 150 lbs. she was probably 250 or higher the last time I saw her. I wasn't prepared... She could hardly walk... And was probably 450 or higher... She was in the position of not being able to get a job and had back problems and was trying to get disability. After that night I worried for her, feeling like she would end up bedridden... I also worried for myself... When I retire will I get bigger and bigger? Will I be able to walk? My feet were constantly hurting, I was already having problems. I took my friend to lunch a few months later and she couldn't wear a seatbelt and couldn't step up on a curb, we had to find a restaurant without one.... Reconnecting with her lead to my decision to have the surgery. I called her before, but didn't tell her. I wanted to tell her face to face. I was going to see her while I was on leave, but time flew by and I was back to work... She had a heart attack and died in her sleep 2 days before Thanksgiving. She was 38 years old, married, with a 10 year old daughter. Her death has devastated me. I will be an example and advocate for WLS.

[lsereno 2,525]

Cathy,

I'm so sorry for your loss. Like you and LV, fear of dying pushed me into surgery. Wishing you a speedy and uneventful journey to goal and a happy lifetime on the Losers' Bench.

Lynda

[M2G 1,836]

Wow Cathy. Like LV and Lynda said...that fear is ultimately what drove me also. I'm so sorry about your friend and I love how you are determined to be an example and an advocate. That is a wonderful tribute to your friend.

Almost a year ago I had dinner with an old friend that I used to work with. She had lost her job after 16 years and was depressed and told me over the phone she had gained 150 lbs. she was probably 250 or higher the last time I saw her. I wasn't prepared... She could hardly walk... And was probably 450 or higher... She was in the position of not being able to get a job and had back problems and was trying to get disability.

After that night I worried for her, feeling like she would end up bedridden... I also worried for myself... When I retire will I get bigger and bigger? Will I be able to walk? My feet were constantly hurting, I was already having problems.

I took my friend to lunch a few months later and she couldn't wear a seatbelt and couldn't step up on a curb, we had to find a restaurant without one....

Reconnecting with her lead to my decision to have the surgery. I called her before, but didn't tell her. I wanted to tell her face to face. I was going to see her while I was on leave, but time flew by and I was back to work...

She had a heart attack and died in her sleep 2 days before Thanksgiving. She was 38 years old, married, with a 10 year old daughter. Her death has devastated me. I will be an example and advocate for WLS.

[gamergirl 4,610]

I learned an important lesson a few weeks ago. On a recent project I was surrounded by skinny women as my weight continued to pile on. I was sure they were judging me, because week by week I was getting visibly fatter. When I got sleeved, I worried about their judging me, feeling certain they were. I was frustrated and angry at these skinny women who had NO idea what I was going through. How dare they judge me when they'd never have to deal with what I did??

A few weeks ago I took one of them to lunch. Skinny, eats like a bird, very particular about what she eats, exercises like a fiend, won't eat even half a cookie. I told her about the surgery knowing that she could not understand nor relate.

And she told me that 5 years ago, she lost 80 lbs.

Which incidentally, is how much I have to lose. "I was a big girl" is how she put it. Eats like a bird, is particular about her food, exercises? Because she is determined never to put that weight on again. Won't even eat half a cookie? Because she worries she'll eat the whole plate of them once she starts.

I realized that she was not judging me, rather *I* had judged her, had completely misunderstood her habits and her struggles. It was a very sobering realization. What's that they say about walking a mile in someone else's shoes? It was a wake up call for me to not judge either fat nor skinny.

Edited December 15, 2013 by gamergirl

[Ms.AntiBand 2,984]

Pretty much everything Laura said. I look at obese people and see the sadness in their eyes that I used to have. I would love to help them, but they are just strangers. I feel very sad.

Edited December 15, 2013 by Ms.AntiBand

[thinoneday 445]

hi all, I'm an oldie, haven't been here for a long time, but now i'm back for support. It's a bitter/sweet tale. I'm out now 5 years lost about 200 lbs and had the sleeve. I'm now gaining weight back pretty quickly, in the past year or so I'd say i've gained back about 25 - 30 lbs. Sad isn't it? And it's that darn head hunger, sliders, stress, and boredom. So I started back to basics. I must remember that i didn't spend 15,000.00 to regain all this darn weight. I started the 5 day pouch test yesterday and it's really tough, nearly past out yesterday, but am hanging in there. I tell myself it's only til wednesday and then it's Protein first, then veggies and if there is room, then some starch. . good starch. (LOL) Please all, just remember this is not easy, you will gain weight very easily if you don't watch out. . .it's hard and we will struggle for all our lives. . . i used to preach how the sleeve is a tool to help us lose the weight. Now it's time for me to practice what i preached. . . ugh. . . well good luck all and i'll be here for your support. Even us old ones need help!

Edited December 15, 2013 by thinoneday

[EarthyGoalie 253]

hi all, I'm an oldie, haven't been here for a long time, but now i'm back for support. It's a bitter/sweet tale. I'm out now 5 years lost about 200 lbs and had the sleeve. I'm now gaining weight back pretty quickly, in the past year or so I'd say i've gained back about 25 - 30 lbs. Sad isn't it? And it's that darn head hunger, sliders, stress, and boredom. So I started back to basics. I must remember that i didn't spend 15,000.00 to regain all this darn weight. I started the 5 day pouch test yesterday and it's really tough, nearly past out yesterday, but am hanging in there. I tell myself it's only til wednesday and then it's Protein first, then veggies and if there is room, then some starch. . good starch. (LOL) Please all, just remember this is not easy, you will gain weight very easily if you don't watch out. . .it's hard and we will struggle for all our lives. . . i used to preach how the sleeve is a tool to help us lose the weight. Now it's time for me to practice what i preached. . . ugh. . . well good luck all and i'll be here for your support. Even us old ones need help!

Hang in there! I have heard that it doesn't get any easier. I'm glad you came back on here for support and aren't forgetting all you went through for this. You can do it!

[thinoneday 445]

thank you and i just want to say that it is so easy to fall into old habits and fail. but as long as we continue the fight, we will never fail. . . i refuse to fail . . that's why i'm back!

[EarthyGoalie 253]

I learned an important lesson a few weeks ago. On a recent project I was surrounded by skinny women as my weight continued to pile on. I was sure they were judging me, because week by week I was getting visibly fatter. When I got sleeved, I worried about their judging me, feeling certain they were. I was frustrated and angry at these skinny women who had NO idea what I was going through. How dare they judge me when they'd never have to deal with what I did??

A few weeks ago I took one of them to lunch. Skinny, eats like a bird, very particular about what she eats, exercises like a fiend, won't eat even half a cookie. I told her about the surgery knowing that she could not understand nor relate.

And she told me that 5 years ago, she lost 80 lbs.

Which incidentally, is how much I have to lose. "I was a big girl" is how she put it. Eats like a bird, is particular about her food,exercises? Because she is determined never to put that weight on again. Won't even eat half a cookie? Because she worries she'll eat the whole plate of them once she starts.

I realized that she was not judging me, rather *I* had judged her, had completely misunderstood her habits and her struggles. It was a very sobering realization. What's that they say about walking a mile in someone else's shoes? It was a wake up call for me to not judge either fat nor skinny.

That is a great great story! It doesn't happen to me sometimes, when I look at a skinny person, and I go "well what if she also had surgery? What if she was bigger and lost a lot of weight?" But of course there are also these other skinny ones who have been skinny all their lives and judge others. But we don't know who's who, and what they've gone through, so i think that's a great lesson for us, to stop judging because we simply don't know what goes on behind the curtains.

[pottergirl 261]

1 1/2 years out and 135 pounds down and yes I feel MUCH different! I still don't recognize myself when I walk past a mirror and I'm still amazed when I put on a pair of 10 jeans and they fit!!! (I started at a size 26?) I never even knew I could feel this way because I have been big my entire life. I wish I had done this years ago!

I do hang out and associate with most of the same people but some people have chosen to remove themselves from my circle and I think a lot of that is because of jealousy, insecurity??? I'm not really sure but a lot of people do treat you different and it doesn't always feel good.

I do look at obese people different and I would be lying if I said I didn't. It is not with disdain or superiority though, it is with compassion and sincere concern. I know how I felt and I want to tell them they don't have to feel that way any more but I don't, because I know I would not have been receptive either. I sometimes get teary eyed just watching people as they struggle to walk or to do anything that should be easier!

I do eat healthy because I choose to and I feel like this is my second chance at life! I do not look down on anyone who chooses otherwise though because we all have choices and I use to make the unhealthy ones myself. I also know I ate for a lot of reasons, none of which were to live!! I ate from all kinds of emotions and sometimes we just can't control that!!

I am much different than I was: I exercise, I love my life, I hike, I can sit in a booth and cross my legs, I am happier, I am even more outgoing, and I LOVE TO SHOP FOR CLOTHES!!! I will never be the skinny b you were talking about because I truly think I even love more because I now love myself!

Me too! We have had very similar weight loss. I will never look at someone very over weight with judgement....I still have my issues..but instead of just letting myself go..I fight it!

[DonRodolfo 1,416]

This is to all veterans, people who have lost a tremendous amount of weight, people who are almost unrecognizable in the streets due to so much weight loss...

Do you feel like a different person? (And I don't just mean your way of eating, your habits), I mean do you see people the same way? Do you hang out or socialize with the same people? Do you like to do the same things still? Do you ever find yourself looking at an obese person and thinking "oh my gosh, he/she is so huge! They should do something about that!" Do you find yourself discriminating against other big people? Have you become that "skinny b***ch" who not only eats healthy, but is judgmental towards others who don't eat healthy? How different are you? When you think about it in all honesty with yourself and try to remember the way you truly were.... Just how different?

I am 7 months out with 171 pounds lost. It is not my intent to brag but to establish who I am and from where I came and where I am.

Inside I feel I am the same person I was this time last year at 416 pounds. I am in disbelief daily when I look at the size tag on my pants and shirts or when I see a 12:30 pace or 4 miles completed on the treadmill. I get complimented often and it feels like they're talking about someone else. I am a little uncomfortable with having my picture taken these days but not as much as before. I look in the mirror and love what I see in clothes but not so much in the nude with the skin sagging. I have judgmental thoughts of other WLSers who I see eating unhealthy but i would never express anything openly as I am reminded often of the food addict that I still am.

I don't see people the same way. When I lost a whole bunch of weight about 30 years ago I remember having contempt for people that were obese. Having gained twice the weight I lost and more before surgery has a way of humbling you. Now I feel pity and sadness for them and i remember vividly how i felt at their size.

I never really socialized before surgery so I find myself in more social situations these days and I am VERY uncomfortable around people i don't know. Through a local WLS support group I have met an incredible group of people whom I now consider friends. I love being with them and hanging out with them.

More than being told how good I look I enjoy being told that I'm inspiring someone in their journey, even in the smallest way. I will go out of my way to be encouraging to someone who is struggling although I may not always notice without a bright neon sign for me. This is not a result of WLS but one of my many personality flaws.

I hope i have answered your questions.

Edited December 17, 2013 by DonRodolfo

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I have lost 160# and now weigh about 150# so I used to be twice my current size. I am exactly the person that changed so much people recognize me by my hair, my voice and my laugh which are all apparently quite distinctive!

Parts of your question are hard to answer, but some are simple. I have no judgement toward obese people. I know how physically difficult it is, how some suffer from social stigmatism. If any overweight person asks me about my transformation, I share it all in hopes they may find a path to recovery themselves. In general however, I am not interested in what other people eat, do or how they live their lives... it just isn't my nature to be so worried about someone else. I have my own life keeping me busy! It is like, do I judge with appalling disgust someone who is losing his/her hair just because i have a full head of the stuff? No way, that would be a stupid waste of energy in my opinion... and pointless and just plain mean.

Now, I think imbedded in your question is way more... "do you feel like a different person?" and I think that is way bigger then do you discriminate against obese people.

I feel like I am finally who I always was but buried under mounds of fat and the numbness of overeating. I feel like the personality I exhibited at 300# was a lie and the person I am now is genuine. I am much more open and straightforward, honest about my feelings and needs now. When my relationships don't fullfill me, or meet some need/desire I have - I speak up rather then trying to bury that hurt/emptiness with food. It cost me relationships, BUT it also created for me much deeper and better ones. I welcome people into my life, but somehow don't really need them. I have my insecurities, don't get me wrong but in general I feel blessed with a good life and good looks and good health and good family etc etc.

The sadness I have at times is facing that I am 49 and I missed out on literally DECADES of the chance to feel good and enjoy things in life that I take for granted now. It was like I was living only 2/3 of a life before and that is time I can never get back. Regrets are useless... just look forward and make the best of it, but at times, I do feel that sadness of loss.

Now as far as eating like a bird. That is the freaking reality for women past menopause whether they had a sleeve or not. The reason most middle age women are at least a little overweight is because they eat too much for their bodies. I know this because i have a couple of fit/trim friends and have paid alot of attention how they eat - very similiar to me! I date now and occasionally get razzed a little for ordering off the appetizer menu but I have no problem looking someone in the eye and saying "that is why I fit into this outfit you just complimented me on"... or something along those lines. I stand up for myself and if someone doesn't like that I skip dessert and eat light... they can take a flying leap...haha

Luckily, my family and friends are all just thrilled for me and I have really gotten tons of kudos, love, support and "you're hot" remarks from the lot of them. It really makes me feel good that they care enough about me that they are happy for me and not jealous or mean about it.

This is to all veterans, people who have lost a tremendous amount of weight, people who are almost unrecognizable in the streets due to so much weight loss...

Do you feel like a different person? (And I don't just mean your way of eating, your habits), I mean do you see people the same way? Do you hang out or socialize with the same people? Do you like to do the same things still? Do you ever find yourself looking at an obese person and thinking "oh my gosh, he/she is so huge! They should do something about that!" Do you find yourself discriminating against other big people? Have you become that "skinny b***ch" who not only eats healthy, but is judgmental towards others who don't eat healthy? How different are you? When you think about it in all honesty with yourself and try to remember the way you truly were.... Just how different?

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

This is a great story but i would also add that the "never obese" friends in my life have been incredibly supportive. They know how hard I worked and struggled prior to my surgery and were universally supportive of me.

The heavier people, some of my female relatives in particular, worry that I am getting underweight. that can be taken as being unsupportive, but i know it was intended with love. At thanksgiving I had a good talk with one of my sisters and her daughter (both obese) and told them that I weight 150# and at 5'5" it is FAR from underweight. I explained about my follow up with surgeon, my outstanding blood work, no more scrip meds etc. They finally told me that I looked way thinner than that to them and it made them feel much better to know I really wasn't as light as they thought and that my docs are happy iwth my health. People get dismorphic the other way - they are so used to middle age women being overweight they kinda freak out when you are just normal weight (size 6-8/medium top).

I learned an important lesson a few weeks ago. On a recent project I was surrounded by skinny women as my weight continued to pile on. I was sure they were judging me, because week by week I was getting visibly fatter. When I got sleeved, I worried about their judging me, feeling certain they were. I was frustrated and angry at these skinny women who had NO idea what I was going through. How dare they judge me when they'd never have to deal with what I did??
A few weeks ago I took one of them to lunch. Skinny, eats like a bird, very particular about what she eats, exercises like a fiend, won't eat even half a cookie. I told her about the surgery knowing that she could not understand nor relate.
And she told me that 5 years ago, she lost 80 lbs.
Which incidentally, is how much I have to lose. "I was a big girl" is how she put it. Eats like a bird, is particular about her food,exercises? Because she is determined never to put that weight on again. Won't even eat half a cookie? Because she worries she'll eat the whole plate of them once she starts.
I realized that she was not judging me, rather *I* had judged her, had completely misunderstood her habits and her struggles. It was a very sobering realization. What's that they say about walking a mile in someone else's shoes? It was a wake up call for me to not judge either fat nor skinny.

That is a great great story! It doesn't happen to me sometimes, when I look at a skinny person, and I go "well what if she also had surgery? What if she was bigger and lost a lot of weight?" But of course there are also these other skinny ones who have been skinny all their lives and judge others. But we don't know who's who, and what they've gone through, so i think that's a great lesson for us, to stop judging because we simply don't know what goes on behind the curtains.