Problem with Nosy Co-Worker! Need Advice!

[livvsmum 2,369]

I need some advice!!! I haven't told people at work about the surgery (only 1 person who I am friends with outside of work knows). I have lots of reasons for that, and it's the decision I've made. My medical history is not the concern of my co-workers.

However, there is this one staff assistant in our department who DAILY asks me what i'm doing in a very confrontational way. I say the same thing (all truths) ....lots of Protein and Water, few carbs, exercise. Every.Single.Day....she presses me...like she doesn't believe me. When we have work lunches she will call me out and make some kind of snide or sarcastic comment about how much I am (not) eating. It's super annoying.

This morning she cornered me when I took some of my exams over for her to copy. She started with, "what did you eat exactly yesterday??" "How much more weight do you want to lose???" "What is your goal weight exactly?" "Do you think you're being healthy??" And on and on. It's honestly getting to the point where I might have to just say something. I am normally a very nice person and I don't like to make people feel badly, but what she is doing is incredibly rude. I would "MAYBE" expect it from someone I counted as a friend, but I barely know her.

How would you address the situation or would you just let it go???

[2Big2Skate 328]

Does this person struggle with their weight?

I would say something like

"Weight loss is simple, take in less calories than you burn, over an extended period of time. I've found a way to make a sustainable lifestyle out of that and I'm happy to share ideas with you. But you are being rude and I do not enjoy the constant badgering. Please change your tone or I will have to let my boss know you're making me uncomfortable, and I don't want to do that."

[longtimecoming7 390]

Tell her she has reached her quota of questions and it's time to move on. When I'm done with someone, I tell them just that! "I'm done with this topic, thank you very much"

[Fluffnomore 1,235]

She doesn't see it this way, but she is harassing you and it's not okay. I would find a way to say that. I like 2Big2Skate's suggestion a lot.

I might also add something about "You wouldn't dream of talking to me this way if I was changing my hair…suffering from cancer…whatever." I would add that you are working with a medical team on this, and as such it is a personal matter. But they know better than she does what is appropriate for you.

So hard. I'm sorry. I admire your restraint so far. I have a long fuse, but when it finally hits the end, watch out.

[M2G 1,836]

It really does sound like she is not just "letting it go"...ugh. I had the same feelings you did about sharing my medical information with people. It's personal and I decided who and when to share with people.

This woman...I think if you are uncomfortable with all the questions you need to let her know that in a nice, professional, firm manner.

People are nuts over weight loss. I had a friend who did amazingly well on WW, and someone (super-nosy) wanted her to "share" her online account with her (so that the super-nosy lady wouldn't have to pay for OWN account) and my friend had to tell her 3 times...NO.

Since she is being so pushy (and rude it sounds!!) I think you just need to be very simple and say "I'm really working hard on changing some of my bad habits right now and I would appreciate it if you would stop asking me about my dietary habits. There is no ONE-SIZE-FITS-ALL, when it comes to weight loss, and if you are so inclined, there is this amazing thing called Google, and I'm sure you can find a world of information about different types of eating plans and maybe you will even find something that works for you."

[Shells_Almost_There 357]

So sorry this is happening - people can be so...interesting! I love the suggestions above, and I think it's fair for you to say, "You've asked enough questions, this is my personal business" and maybe "Sorry, I'll have to limit you to one question today, since I've answered these already" -- and there's always the turning of the tables: Mirror her questions back and start an uncomfortable dialogue, and put her on the hot seat and on the defensive if possible! Mirroring really does work well. You've really been nice and patient long enough, it sounds like... Good luck!

ETA: Also, if she calls out your lunch foods, call out hers as well. Ok, that or eat somewhere else.

Edited December 13, 2013 by Shells_Almost_There

[Idlewood4 93]

I agree with all the suggestions above, there are some great ideas. I am a personal fan of mirroring. First I would just tell her the questions are very personal, and you are working very hard to become healthy, and you find her repeated questions disruptive to your health. I would suggest Google or My Fitness Pal, Spark People, (although that could be risky-she might want to friend you). Then if she persists, you could either say, simply, "Sorry, you're crossing the line, your repeated questions are harassment, and I don't care to answer that." Then I would think about whatever area of her life she struggles with (Nosiness LOL), and for every embarrassing question she asks you, reply with a question that she'll find embarrassing. Doesn't have to be about weight. Maybe she has a troubled relationship, her children are always in trouble.

[Seela 1,187]

While tit-for-tat is fun it could backfire in a work environment. Simply tell her that the topic of your weight loss and your food choices makes you very uncomfortable and you would appreciate it if she never brought it up again because it's really starting to feel like harassment and affecting you job performance.

[Madam Reverie 2,958]

Next time she approaches you to ask another weight-related question and every time after that? I would let out an over-exaggerated....

<YAWN>......

Not productive or particularly mature; but then, I'm childish like that

[joatsaint 2,814]

When people ask me about the weight loss, I just keep it simple. I tell them that I walk more and eat less. And leave it at that. I have one lady at work that swears I'm on some magic diet pill. I know it's hard to let it slide off your back when someone especially annoying keeps at you.

When I don't want to answer a question, I just bring up some topic that is completely unexpected. I find that mentioning stories about workplace shootings and conspiracy theories gets them to stop talking to me. :-P Or just mention that you've noticed how she's gained 10 pounds.

[No game 14,437]

Tell her your are on the new "anorexia diet"

It's all the rage, I mean look at those skinny bitches!

http://www.pro-thinspo.com/the50dayanorexicdiet.html

[PdxMan 4,292]

Turn each question around on her:

Her: What did you eat exactly yesterday

You: Changing eating habits can be difficult to do. I've noticed you often ask me about food and what I am eating. Are food issues something you struggle with?

Her: How much more weight do you want to lose???

You: I've notice you ask me a lot of questions relating to food or my weight? Are you struggling with personal food related issues?

Her: What is your goal weight?

You: If you contact our HR department, I'm sure they can refer you to our health plan that may be able to help you with food or self-image issues if this is something you are struggling with personally.

You never have to answer her questions and she will discover that any time she asks you about it, it will be turned back on her. This will work even if she is skinny. I know more thin people struggling with their relationship with food than obese people, so, give it a try.

Edited December 13, 2013 by PdxMan

[ProudGrammy 8,322]

"Mary"

I'm kindof tired talking about my weight

like i said i'm eating much healthier , not eating as much, drinking lots of Water, exercise - just basic stuff people do when they are trying to lose weight

i would love to know whats going on with you???

if none of the other wise comments from people "above" don't work........

Punch Her!!

kathy

[BladeFox 235]

I agree with Longtime and I would tell her that I am on the Atkins Plan and exercising, however, I would say that I have asked all of my family and close friends to keep their questions to a minimum, maybe once a month, because I need to focus on what I am doing instead of needing to answer questions. So I am asking that you do the same.

Nice - curt - and done.

Good luck with this.

[jnlebean 25]

PdxMan is right, for me what he said "hit the nail on the head"!

Why is it ok for her to ask you questions that make you feel bad, but not ok for you to ask her questions or requests that might hurt her feelings. Remeber its not your intent to 'hurt her feelings' but you cant let her do that to you.

Turn it around on her (like PdxMan said), who knows you might just be great friends in the end.