Any Advice?!

[kaia510 3]

Sorry if this is the wrong section!

I'm 23 years old, and was one of many divorce babies. My father is basically on the list of the most terrible fathers. Our relationship basically went to the grave when he and his then wife tried to put my brother in jail(long story-my brother is awesome and didn't actually do anything).

Two years ago I decided I wanted to try and have a relationship, regardless of how much I wanted to never talk yo him, I used to be a daddy's girl after all so I was being a bit hopeful. I moved in with him and started a RN program (didn't have enough money to be on my own-lives 4 hours from my home town aka no mom to run to!). Basically for the whole year I was ignored, his new step children (11 and 16) basically acted out to make me look like a horrible person. Honestly I didn't blame them, I have been there, I had hated my step siblings(he's on his forth wife), it's a horrible time in any child's life. But, my dad doesn't have the ability to love more than one section of his family apparently and I kept getting talked down too. Fun stuff being a 21 year old, in an amazing educational program and your father not believing a word you say to put his new children into golden light.

Anyways, I was at school 8-5(left at 5am, go go small towns in Texas being so far away) then I was a CNA for a paraplegic patient on the weekends fri-Sun for 8 hours each day. I barely made more money than I spent on gas, was stressed from nursing school, and stressed from a horrible situation at home. Then my closest cousin was in a car accident and became a paraplegic. I basically snapped. I've been battling depression since I was 13, I have had multiple suicidal episodes, and they were coming back. I dropped school and moved back to my mom's, because I would definitely had gone through with it if I stayed any longer.

Obviously this is when I got help, other things have been rough as well but not really worth mentioning atm- I guess other than I had a long term bf, a miscarriage, and a bad break up, I shot up to 295lbs. I was really mad at myself. So I started the process and eventually got sleeved October 9, 2013. So far I have lost 50lbs and feel a million times better. I was/am happier than I had/have ever been.

Well now I am currently at my dad's house just for the night to reapply to RN school to finish my degree-getting my own apartment this time, not making that mistake twice! I haven't really talked to him or seen him in two years, I really thought he'd notice how much I lost and be, idk, like a father? And try to encouraged me. Didn't say a word. Didn't ask how I have been with it. Didn't ask what my plans were about school. He just kept running around with a phone to his ear to avoid an actual conversation.

Even though I am at the point in my life where I don't really care about having an actual relationship with him anymore, I guess a small part of me thought he'd want to know the person I had become after I started getting skinnier, dumb I know haha. Its hard to totally get wanting your parent's acceptance out of your head even if you know better.

I guess my question is, has anyone had to deal with something like this?

How did you finally show your heart what your head already knows?

I'm really struggling with letting this go, and I was in such a good place, I don't want to go back to being the depressed girl, I am a much better happy person! Sorry for the rant, I just don't really have someone else to talk to, wanted to be thorough!

And, I have talked to professionals pretty much all my life, hasn't really helped. All the medications they put me on only made me gain weight and didn't really work, so I currently do not take anything.

Oh and, mini victory, instead of eating my feelings when he was rude when I arrived, I went jogging, that's a first for me lol.

[momoftw0 3]

Good for you for working out your feelings in such a healthy way. You are an inspiration striving for your degree and overcoming. Im sorry your father doesnt recognize all the progress inside and out that you've made! Hugs to you, and surround yourself with people who recognize your value. Take care.

[Arts137 1,811]

Everyone's path is different. Each hard, but different.

As someone old enough to be your Dad or Granddad, all I can offer is my ear and a hug. Both are given to you freely!

[kaia510 3]

Thanks for reading, I really didn't expect much else honestly, guess I just needed to vent and move on, feeling a lot better today. Its just so easy to slip into a depressing mood unfortunately!!

[Indigo1991 1,612]

You are not alone - go to the thread "An uncomfortable truth" in the Tell Your Gastric Sleeve Stories. It's huge but read what M Reverie posted to start with, then either read it all (have a spare few hours, lol) or dip into. It will help with how you feel :-)

Lots of us have families/parents who have done what your father is doing to you. You have a choice. Let him keep doing this to you, affecting your life without him even knowing or caring - or you change the way you react to his behaviour. If someone is going to be the way they are, we can't change them but we can change how we respond to it. Not easy, but do-able. Don't give him power over you to sabotage your weight loss, no-one is worth that even if we love them.Love that you went jogging, fantastic!!!

At 23 years old, you have had more than your share of grief and difficult times. But what doesn't kill us, usually makes us stronger :-) and you have shown you are fighter. Find someone you can talk to because if you find the right person, it will help. Vent on this site - you will get help, advice, sympathy, empathy, support and hugs from people who've been where you are.

Please don't give up, focus on you and making your life the best it can be. You are doing great with your weight loss, congratulations and good luck! Keep posting so that we know you are ok x

[CrazyJaney 775]

Listen to Indigo. The thread "Uncomfortable truth" sorta changed my life. Well, that might be excessive.... But it certainly brought some clarity to this Quest. This is about so much more than loosing weight. It's about they"why and how" of why we got here.

[Arts137 1,811]

My George, I think we've got it!