Compulsive Overeating

[lsereno 2,525]

I haven't dealt with food cravings to that extreme, but one thing that helps me is to have non food items I enjoy around. Maybe a basket of sugar free drink mix packets in the snack cupboard, crossword puzzle and a cute pen by the TV Chair, great smelling lotion and Chapstick on the nightstand. And a few notes tucked around that simply say " I love you"

Lynda

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

I haven't dealt with food cravings to that extreme, but one thing that helps me is to have non food items I enjoy around. Maybe a basket of sugar free drink mix packets in the snack cupboard, crossword puzzle and a cute pen by the TV Chair, great smelling lotion and Chapstick on the nightstand. And a few notes tucked around that simply say " I love you"

Lynda

These are great ideas....

[Chimera 644]

As far as dealing with the compulsion - keeping the house a 'safe zone' for foods is probably at the core of what has made my husband's and my own vsg surgery a success - we have a teen in the house who dropped 20 lbs. in the first year after our surgeries and was very happy with her svelte figure - what was amazing is that last summer she went to visit family back in North Carolina - and in 3 weeks she put on 23 lbs. 120 to 143...I guess it is a carb free-for-all basically at grandma's - they were buying those cheap 5 lbs. tubs of ice cream and would go through one a week, that is not including all the other goodies that were basically always on hand.

This time of the year is really rough as we are hosting a football party this Sunday (go Seahawks!) and though I have veggies and hummus and salad and lean filet mignon - there are also a lot of devilish Cookies, popcorny types of things from costco as well - think those tall Harry and David tower of treats...yikes. I think my goal is to just hang on and not gain anything over the next 3 weeks lol.

As far as the complaining from the teen set that there is nothing to eat - I let them know that they can go get something and eat it away from the house. If we do go to get something that we did not prepare - I journal it - usually prepare for it (I do the free meal thing one a week, seems to work well).

The young one has a job location sandwiched between a McDonald's and Starbucks - and has a deep preference for anything fast, easy, that requires no effort on her part - I worry that she will get big like we did :/ - ahh well she has seen what utter lack of mindful eating, complete hedonism with one's food will do to your body - hopefully she can nip gains in the bud if they get out of hand - I hope she sees us as her cautionary tale.

[Arts137 1,811]

Fluff, we all have our own paths, and I doubt that you can walk your husband's walk. Maybe just be you and stop short of 'enabling'. My wife is not fat but she wisely does not 'help' me... I am a terrible patient with no patience.

[Fluffnomore 1,235]

Arts, thanks again for sage advice. I know that…unfortunately my "getting" to have the surgery and his having to appeal is taking a toll. I know that on some level this can't be my problem, but it's hard to unravel and remember that in the moment. He calls me multiple times a day to find out if I've heard any news from the doctor's office or insurance company (and I call them every other day.) And he will not take any kind of advice (not that I am inclined to give it at this point.) His reaction right now, to my leaving food on the plate, to my weight loss, to my going to exercise is "I wish I could do this with you, it's not fair, you're leaving me behind, you're smoking me, how can I compete" when for me it's not about competition. I would like to think that if I saw him a couple of months ahead of me that I might try to adopt some of the behavior. But shoot, how do I know that I would? I got to this point without having a bingeing issue but my habits weren't great either.

Patience, patience, patience…

[Arts137 1,811]

Thanks for the additional info, Fluff... I am sorry it's hard, all I can offer is a biiiig hug. ((((((((((Fluff))))))))))

[mistysj 1,940]

Arts, thanks again for sage advice. I know that…unfortunately my "getting" to have the surgery and his having to appeal is taking a toll. I know that on some level this can't be my problem, but it's hard to unravel and remember that in the moment. He calls me multiple times a day to find out if I've heard any news from the doctor's office or insurance company (and I call them every other day.) And he will not take any kind of advice (not that I am inclined to give it at this point.) His reaction right now, to my leaving food on the plate, to my weight loss, to my going to exercise is "I wish I could do this with you, it's not fair, you're leaving me behind, you're smoking me, how can I compete" when for me it's not about competition. I would like to think that if I saw him a couple of months ahead of me that I might try to adopt some of the behavior. But shoot, how do I know that I would? I got to this point without having a bingeing issue but my habits weren't great either. Patience, patience, patience…

Do you think with his current level of compulsion, he would eat around the surgery? I wish he would come to the conclusion to get some external help for this, way before having a surgery that can only ever be one of many tools in the arsenal.

[Fluffnomore 1,235]

I worry about that very much. But unlike me, he has a therapist that he is in the process of working through some of this with. I always worry that he thinks it's just as simple as getting the surgery, and this is one area that my success thus far causes me great guilt. I know I make it look easy, and for the most part it has gone smoothly but I also don't complain much even when it's hard.

Ugh. This is going way off the topic, and I apologize. I really do want to know how to support him.

[Butterthebean 8,146]



Do you think with his current level of compulsion, he would eat around the surgery? I wish he would come to the conclusion to get some external help for this, way before having a surgery that can only ever be one of many tools in the arsenal.

This is what I was thinking as well.

Fluff...unfortunately this is not my area of expertise. I was the sneaky eater. The searcher of food. Stopping in secret to buy food and eat it...then destroy the evidence so my wife didn't find out. He's probably doing that now I hate to say. The more my wife tried to stop these behaviors in me, the more secretive I became.

When I think back on those days...the best thing my wife could have done (and did do) was to model good behavior, but put as little pressure as possible on me. The more pressure, the more I'd eat. Also...whatever professional help he's getting, I would focus your efforts on that. Make sure he's going. Hell go with him if you can. Make it a team effort. Joint therapy. That way he won't feel like it's just him losing the struggle. Together, he might feed (sorry for the pun) off your success.

[Fluffnomore 1,235]



Do you think with his current level of compulsion, he would eat around the surgery? I wish he would come to the conclusion to get some external help for this, way before having a surgery that can only ever be one of many tools in the arsenal.

This is what I was thinking as well.

Fluff...unfortunately this is not my area of expertise. I was the sneaky eater. The searcher of food. Stopping in secret to buy food and eat it...then destroy the evidence so my wife didn't find out. He's probably doing that now I hate to say. The more my wife tried to stop these behaviors in me, the more secretive I became.

When I think back on those days...the best thing my wife could have done (and did do) was to model good behavior, but put as little pressure as possible on me. The more pressure, the more I'd eat. Also...whatever professional help he's getting, I would focus your efforts on that. Make sure he's going. Hell go with him if you can. Make it a team effort. Joint therapy. That way he won't feel like it's just him losing the struggle. Together, he might feed (sorry for the pun) off your success.

Actually, it's just your experience that I am looking for. I can admit right off the bat that I don't know what makes him tick. It's helpful to know that I can't physically do anything to help other than my own thing.

And it's good to know that pressure makes it worse. I will say, being on the "receiving" end of this in terms of what is in the house vs what is not, it is sometimes quite hard not to get angry with food that I was planning to make for dinner, or make the kids' lunches with…just being gone. Which leads me to hiding stuff, which I do not like either.

Anyway, I truly appreciate all the thoughtful responses and will work on getting him to therapy more regularly. Going with him too, what the heck! I am sure that our dynamic has led to both of us being obese, even though we get along well with most things.

[No game 14,437]

Actually, it's just your experience that I am looking for. I can admit right off the bat that I don't know what makes him tick. It's helpful to know that I can't physically do anything to help other than my own thing. And it's good to know that pressure makes it worse. I will say, being on the "receiving" end of this in terms of what is in the house vs what is not, it is sometimes quite hard not to get angry with food that I was planning to make for dinner, or make the kids' lunches with…just being gone. Which leads me to hiding stuff, which I do not like either. Anyway, I truly appreciate all the thoughtful responses and will work on getting him to therapy more regularly. Going with him too, what the heck! I am sure that our dynamic has led to both of us being obese, even though we get along well with most things.

Fluff have you ever thought about suggesting this site to him? It seems to helping the rest of us that have these issues...

[Chimera 644]

That's rough with the eating of ingredients for planned meals - I think at our house now that if there is anything new that appears that is not in our regular weekly shopping that the youngster knows that it is probably not meant for her to eat - I act as 'the Gatekeeper" I have too because my husband and I (and both kids demonstrate similar tendencies) are addicted to food - and can easily slide into a disordered relationship with the substance - very easily at 18+ months out now.

Youngster has been know to eat oh say 8-10 Greek yogurts in an afternoon after I said that she could try some of mom and dad's yogurt...it is irritating to me that I have to splain to her that she cannot eat all of them. she will do the same thing with any baked carb that enters the house if I do not hide it (these are usually for guests) I bought croissants for a brunch - and 12 croissants disappeared within the hour....

I let everyone know that such and such is for this meal/event and do not touch it - I think if it ever did get consumed by anyone after the heads up there would be very dire consequences lol.

Fluff - a great resource for me are the books and workbooks by Judith S. Beck which I have mentioned in another recent thread. I have spent years in eating disorder groups, and personal therapy and the told offered in her books are some of the most helpful I have found. cognitively based to help you retrain your brain.

[Arts137 1,811]

hmmmm

When at my worst... eating and drinking and not caring for myself appropriately... the WORST thing that my wife could have done was be controversial. It would NOT have gone well.

Rather what she did was send me a sweet note saying that she loved me and that she was Very worried that I was not going to live very long, etc. etc.

And it worked. Was a quiet love note, I love her, I made a medical appointment and started the path (over a couple years) that led to surgery... and I hope retirement soon.

Or... I am easy to love and Very Hard to live with.

[Fluffnomore 1,235]

I've thought about it a bit. He is probably not going to want to haunt the boards until he knows he has approval. If he doesn't get approved he doesn't want to read about it. He has said as much.

Maybe too, this is one place I feel I can share my feelings (he doesn't really want to hear about it) so I haven't made it open to him. Although again, he knows that I am on the web site and it's not a secret.

It's a good thought.

[Georgia 2,908]

Yeah, I was a sneaky eater too. Learned it from the best, My Mom! Drawers with candy bars and sacks under the bed. . Anybody remember those days.

The weird thing now is I can totally overeat on junk if I get started that's why now I just try to not have that stuff in the house although, at Christmas, there is more here for parties, etc.

But the weird thing I just went to Christmas luncheon with dressing, turkey, mashed potatoes, four layer delight, rolls, green beans! I probably managed 3 bites of dressing, turkey and a bite or two of potatoes. 2 bites dessert! How weird is that??? Sometimes this sleeve is crazy!!!! But now, I don't stress as much about something here or there because I think I can handle it with a fast day or so.