The Uncomfortable Truth....

[Hunter 159]

Ok I read the first few pages of this thread and my ADD kicked in but here it goes: I had a normal childhood well my brother and I always knew our parents loved us but the only reason they were together was for us at times I wished they would have separated but they were doing what they thought was best and doing their best.

At a early age I found my first addiction TV I could get lost in whatever show was on escape from the world. As I grew into my teen years my self esteem became lower and I found the next (of many) addictions.... Then at 18 I was the youngest person ever licensed as a Paramedic in the state of Alabama. A high stress job and a budding addiction problem were like fire and gas. (Not blaming the job)........ The chemical I used became stronger and stronger..... I have a period of my life I don't remember I refer to it as the 90s... In 2003 I reached a point that I either had to die or get clean. I chose the latter....

My new found recovery blossomed as did my ass. The old feelings of worthlessness and useless would return from time to time. The eating spiraled..... Then the yoyo dieting...... The abuse of self when I would regain...... Now mind you I had several years clean and the thoughts would go through my head " you can stay clean but you can't stop killing yourself with food." My self esteem took a nose dive I just became settled with the fact I would die early from complications of morbid obesity. Then a year ago a friend had her sleeve done! The weight fell off I was amazed....... I went to a seminar about WLS and had a emotional spiral...... I wanted to do it to lose weight and become healthy again but the thought of giving up food ( what I wanted to eat, when I wanted to eat, in the amounts I wanted) terrified me to the point of paralysis. I would lay in bed as obsess about WLS but did nothing..... Then my father became ill ending up in a coma for 7 days...... As I stood over the bed in ICU thinking I was loosing him, mad because he did not take care of himself it hit me, right in the gut I was going to die a slow terrible death. Food was as surely killing me just as the dope had been. I made the decision that day to start this journey!

The one advantage I possible have on others is a very small understanding of addiction and behaviors surrounding it. That DOES NOT make be bullet proof or better than it just gives me tools others do not have yet.

1) I believe that denial is not just a river in Egypt

2) Denial is a warm and fuzzy place and leaving it sucks but is the only path to personal growth!

3) addiction effects ALL areas of my life

4) God does not make junk!

5) I CAN NOT compare my insides to others outsides any longer!

6) There is no substance that can fix me be it drugs or food. (When I internalize this one I will be on my way)

7) This is a journey not a destination I will never arrive or be cured.

8) Life is good

9) I am a hot mess on most days and that's ok so is everybody else. Only the strongest admit their weakness. Refer to 5

10) I need to be involved with people who share the same struggles as I do. There are things I can learn from them that no one else can teach me

11) laughter cures much

Thanks for all your honesty! I feel close to many of you and stalk your posts regularly! It is on me to reach out and get to know you better!

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

Ok I read the first few pages of this thread and my ADD kicked in but here it goes: I had a normal childhood well my brother and I always knew our parents loved us but the only reason they were together was for us at times I wished they would have separated but they were doing what they thought was best and doing their best.

At a early age I found my first addiction TV I could get lost in whatever show was on escape from the world. As I grew into my teen years my self esteem became lower and I found the next (of many) addictions.... Then at 18 I was the youngest person ever licensed as a Paramedic in the state of Alabama. A high stress job and a budding addiction problem were like fire and gas. (Not blaming the job)........ The chemical I used became stronger and stronger..... I have a period of my life I don't remember I refer to it as the 90s... In 2003 I reached a point that I either had to die or get clean. I chose the latter....

My new found recovery blossomed as did my ass. The old feelings of worthlessness and useless would return from time to time. The eating spiraled..... Then the yoyo dieting...... The abuse of self when I would regain...... Now mind you I had several years clean and the thoughts would go through my head " you can stay clean but you can't stop killing yourself with food." My self esteem took a nose dive I just became settled with the fact I would die early from complications of morbid obesity. Then a year ago a friend had her sleeve done! The weight fell off I was amazed....... I went to a seminar about WLS and had a emotional spiral...... I wanted to do it to lose weight and become healthy again but the thought of giving up food ( what I wanted to eat, when I wanted to eat, in the amounts I wanted) terrified me to the point of paralysis. I would lay in bed as obsess about WLS but did nothing..... Then my father became ill ending up in a coma for 7 days...... As I stood over the bed in ICU thinking I was loosing him, mad because he did not take care of himself it hit me, right in the gut I was going to die a slow terrible death. Food was as surely killing me just as the dope had been. I made the decision that day to start this journey!

The one advantage I possible have on others is a very small understanding of addiction and behaviors surrounding it. That DOES NOT make be bullet proof or better than it just gives me tools others do not have yet.

1) I believe that denial is not just a river in Egypt

2) Denial is a warm and fuzzy place and leaving it sucks but is the only path to personal growth!

3) addiction effects ALL areas of my life

4) God does not make junk!

5) I CAN NOT compare my insides to others outsides any longer!

6) There is no substance that can fix me be it drugs or food. (When I internalize this one I will be on my way)

7) This is a journey not a destination I will never arrive or be cured.

8) Life is good

9) I am a hot mess on most days and that's ok so is everybody else. Only the strongest admit their weakness. Refer to 5

10) I need to be involved with people who share the same struggles as I do. There are things I can learn from them that no one else can teach me

11) laughter cures much

Thanks for all your honesty! I feel close to many of you and stalk your posts regularly! It is on me to reach out and get to know you better!

Hunter....congrats on your life changes...And welcome to this forum and this crazy and unpredictable thread...humor is being used to help deal with the pain of reality as you most likely saw as you read some of the replies....Your list was amazing and a most of them I concur with....Don't be a stranger here..We are not perfect but we are real and like those who are real as well.....you are open and honest..I like that..

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Only the strongest will admit their weakness.

Yes. This.

Thank you, Hunter!

[Madam Reverie 2,958]

Hunter - you are most warmly welcome x

[mistysj 1,940]

Awesome post, Hunter! It is food you don't have OCD along with your ADD because then you would feel bored by reading the whole thread but you would feel compelled to anyway!

[mistysj 1,940]

And can we get some new lips, LL? Every time I see that one I think of Miley Cyrus and her awful tongue.

[ReDbEaN 654]

Ok I read the first few pages of this thread and my ADD kicked in but here it goes: I had a normal childhood well my brother and I always knew our parents loved us but the only reason they were together was for us at times I wished they would have separated but they were doing what they thought was best and doing their best. At a early age I found my first addiction TV I could get lost in whatever show was on escape from the world. As I grew into my teen years my self esteem became lower and I found the next (of many) addictions.... Then at 18 I was the youngest person ever licensed as a Paramedic in the state of Alabama. A high stress job and a budding addiction problem were like fire and gas. (Not blaming the job)........ The chemical I used became stronger and stronger..... I have a period of my life I don't remember I refer to it as the 90s... In 2003 I reached a point that I either had to die or get clean. I chose the latter.... My new found recovery blossomed as did my ass. The old feelings of worthlessness and useless would return from time to time. The eating spiraled..... Then the yoyo dieting...... The abuse of self when I would regain...... Now mind you I had several years clean and the thoughts would go through my head " you can stay clean but you can't stop killing yourself with food." My self esteem took a nose dive I just became settled with the fact I would die early from complications of morbid obesity. Then a year ago a friend had her sleeve done! The weight fell off I was amazed....... I went to a seminar about WLS and had a emotional spiral...... I wanted to do it to lose weight and become healthy again but the thought of giving up food ( what I wanted to eat, when I wanted to eat, in the amounts I wanted) terrified me to the point of paralysis. I would lay in bed as obsess about WLS but did nothing..... Then my father became ill ending up in a coma for 7 days...... As I stood over the bed in ICU thinking I was loosing him, mad because he did not take care of himself it hit me, right in the gut I was going to die a slow terrible death. Food was as surely killing me just as the dope had been. I made the decision that day to start this journey! The one advantage I possible have on others is a very small understanding of addiction and behaviors surrounding it. That DOES NOT make be bullet proof or better than it just gives me tools others do not have yet. 1) I believe that denial is not just a river in Egypt 2) Denial is a warm and fuzzy place and leaving it sucks but is the only path to personal growth! 3) addiction effects ALL areas of my life 4) God does not make junk! 5) I CAN NOT compare my insides to others outsides any longer! 6) There is no substance that can fix me be it drugs or food. (When I internalize this one I will be on my way) 7) This is a journey not a destination I will never arrive or be cured. 8) Life is good 9) I am a hot mess on most days and that's ok so is everybody else. Only the strongest admit their weakness. Refer to 5 10) I need to be involved with people who share the same struggles as I do. There are things I can learn from them that no one else can teach me 11) laughter cures much Thanks for all your honesty! I feel close to many of you and stalk your posts regularly! It is on me to reach out and get to know you better!

I love this list!!! 11 is probably my favorite - I beleive that with my whole heart!!

And welcome to our crazy, fun, caring, loving, at times heart-wrenching world on here.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

And can we get some new lips, LL? Every time I see that one I think of Miley Cyrus and her awful tongue.

Anything for you!

[mistysj 1,940]

Anything for you!

Love em!

[crowsnestmama 240]

Realized today that I soothe my kids with food. My daughter had something highly disappointing happen. To "make up for it" I took her and her sister to Starbucks and order them something off of the "secret menu." I made it into this big and cool thing, then realized that I have no idea how to do this with out it being food, or in this case drink, related.

Gah!!! It's when you don't have time to think, to plan, that the demon jumps out and bites you in the ass!!!

[mistysj 1,940]

Thanks for sharing that. You are absolutely right. It is also my go-to for celebrating. Who ever heard of an "I got a new job" run or a Protein Shake toast for an anniversary? It's so hard to change lifelong habits b

[Hidden from view 159]

No one made me fat. I did it to myself - but not on purpose. food (and alcohol) was like medicine. It made me feel OK in a way that nothing else did (does!). Now that I don't drink, and post-sleeve I don't eat, I feel quite lonely. Like I have lost a good friend. I know food and alcohol weren't true friends, but I miss them anyway...

[Ms.AntiBand 2,984]

Realized today that I soothe my kids with food. My daughter had something highly disappointing happen. To "make up for it" I took her and her sister to Starbucks and order them something off of the "secret menu." I made it into this big and cool thing, then realized that I have no idea how to do this with out it being food, or in this case drink, related.Gah!!! It's when you don't have time to think, to plan, that the demon jumps out and bites you in the ass!!!

So true. Its hard. We need to brainstorm ideas

[sophiepants 489]

Realized today that I soothe my kids with food. My daughter had something highly disappointing happen. To "make up for it" I took her and her sister to Starbucks and order them something off of the "secret menu." I made it into this big and cool thing, then realized that I have no idea how to do this with out it being food, or in this case drink, related.

Gah!!! It's when you don't have time to think, to plan, that the demon jumps out and bites you in the ass!!!

I totally feel this one. My almost 3 year old was upset because he couldn't help me hang the lights on top of the tree so I climbed off the ladder and said...would you like a snack after he had just ate some crackers. I do give him fruits and veggies for his Snacks most of the times but I have noticed since this journey began I sooth him with foods.

Why does it always have to be about food!

Will I ever be able to not think everything revolves around foods!

Gah I'm so sick of myself right now.

[crowsnestmama 240]

So, any ideas (that aren't money consumers because let's face it, no one has much extra lying around) for celebrations or soothings that aren't food related?