Confessions Of A Junkie

[Soon2BskinnyCyn 25]

I was sleeved about 3 years ago. My starting weight was 255 and quickly dropped to 170. Unfortunately, I apparently developed a false sense of security and thought since I didn't really have to work too hard to get there that it was ok to start eating things I knew I shouldn't. "I can only eat half that cheeseburger so it can't be too bad for me." Or "I am only eating a quarter of that bbq chicken stuffed potato with bacon, cheese and sour cream so it is ok." I knew I was lying to myself but stayed in denial and refused to get on the scale. One day, I realized that things were out of control and decided to get my life back on track. I am here to confess that I have gained back 30 pounds in the last two years and I am truly ashamed, embarrassed and utterly disgusted with myself. I swore my weight would never again start with a 2 and here I am.

I am confessing my sins and making a vow to get my head back in the game. If someone is reading this who is thinking it will be easy to get thin after the surgery, please know that is not the case. This is an amazing tool but you must always use the tool wisely. I will never again let my guard down and think I can't possibly gain weight because I only had a chicken biscuit, a cheese Krystal and some nachos all day. NEVER AGAIN!

I am going to hold myself accountable, be aware of everything that enters my body and never waste what calories I can eat on those that are empty! I am still and will continue to be a success story!

[cherbear33 288]

The best thing is that you have realized the problem & are getting yourself back on track. Thank you for having the guts to share your story! Stay strong as you head back to goal & I wish you the best success on your continued journey!!! May god bless you & walk beside you through your journey!!!

[GotItDoneInHarlem 302]

Hey GoodCyn,

Thanks for the 3 year update and for confessing your sins to us newbies or pre-ops. It's really good for us to hear things like this.

Do 100 hail marys (modified jumping jacks) and get the to the vegetable aisle and gym. Consider your sins absolved.

Amen.

[Butterthebean 8,146]

Hi goodcyn. Welcome. Not alot of 3 year vets around here so your perspective is invaluable. I'm sorry you've had this backslide but I can sense your determination to turn it around and not slide again. Best of luck. You still have the sleeve plus your knowledge of how to use it.

[No game 14,437]

Welcome goodcyn, And glad you are getting back on track. Detoxing from those bad processed carbs is tough but you can do it! Good Proteins and veggies and your body will thank you for it

[*susan* 1,709]

Welcome to the forums, we are definitely glad to have you here.

First, allow me to say you are not alone. We got here by being foodies, and weight loss surgery doesn't cure that, it provides us a tool, but the old demons never really completely go away. Just about two weeks ago, I too came out and shared almost the same thing as you. I completely am there with you, I understand the feelings, failure, disappointment, humiliation, denial and just too many other emotions to list here. What is important is that you, I and others in our situation acknowledge that we have a problem and we take control of it. The support I have received here since "coming out" has been amazing. I am not 100% back on track, but I am slowly but surely starting to do the things I need to do to get back on track. And, so are you. You have started by coming to this great forum to seek support and advice. The members here will back you and do everything they can to help you.

What I am learning, that works for me, is to change one thing at a time. If I try to tackle everything at once, then I find I am fighting a losing battle. I sat down and identified the three top things I needed to correct first. For me, it was stopping on my way home from work for an unhealthy snack, not concentrating on eating my Proteins first and not keeping track of every bite that goes in my mouth. That gave me a starting point. I downloaded My Fitness Pal and started tracking everything. I am the only one who sees it, so there is no reason for me not to be completely honest with it and it was really enlightening for me to see how much junk I was eating. Next, I eliminated that unhealthy snack. I even went so far as to change my route home from work so I don't pass any stores to tempt me to stop. Now, I am working on the basics, of Protein first, then vegetables. This process is working for me. Once I have conquered these three steps, I will identify my next goals I need to accomplish to get me back on track and at goal again. I know you can do this. Just don't set unrealistic expectations for yourself, we are not newly sleeved, we don't have that advantage on our side anymore. But, we are still sleeved, and the tool still works. We just need to get back to basics and remember how good it felt to be healthy and not obese.

[moddd 79]

Please know that your post really put things into perspective for me. I am only 2 days sleeved and I go from saying I'm done with junk food to wanting a big fat juicy burger. But I needed to read your story to show me I cannot continue to eat JUNK and stay losing weight! So THANK YOU for sharing your story and I hope to hear from you soon with a success story or two! We are all losers now!!

[Soon2BskinnyCyn 25]

Just wanted to post an update. In the last few days I have gotten back on track. I am eating healthy, watching my calories and have been hitting the gym. I am happy to say that I am feeling better about myself and have already dropped three pounds! Thanks for everyone's encouragement!

[Beach Lover 1,084]

Way to go!!! Your post was truly important to all sleevers. It helps to keep our perspective and know that we can never get comfortable. I am almost 6 months post op and you have helped me to remember that I must be vigilant especially during the holidays! I am so glad you posted your circumstance and are coming out of it!! This is inspiring!! I wish you the very best!

[gamergirl 4,610]

Just wanted to post an update. In the last few days I have gotten back on track. I am eating healthy, watching my calories and have been hitting the gym. I am happy to say that I am feeling better about myself and have already dropped three pounds! Thanks for everyone's encouragement!

That's fantastic! Way to turn things around. I'll echo what others have said. Sure hope you stick around on the forum, your long-term perspective is what all of us need.

[*susan* 1,709]

That is fabulous news, I am so happy and proud of you! I know we can do this girl, we just need to support one another and keep remembering how good it feels to be thin and healthy.

[NothingUpMySleeve 244]

I think you are very brave to own up and fix it. Go you!

[2sleeve2gether 6]

I was sleeved about 3 years ago. My starting weight was 255 and quickly dropped to 170. Unfortunately, I apparently developed a false sense of security and thought since I didn't really have to work too hard to get there that it was ok to start eating things I knew I shouldn't. "I can only eat half that cheeseburger so it can't be too bad for me." Or "I am only eating a quarter of that bbq chicken stuffed potato with bacon, cheese and sour cream so it is ok." I knew I was lying to myself but stayed in denial and refused to get on the scale. One day, I realized that things were out of control and decided to get my life back on track. I am here to confess that I have gained back 30 pounds in the last two years and I am truly ashamed, embarrassed and utterly disgusted with myself. I swore my weight would never again start with a 2 and here I am.

I am confessing my sins and making a vow to get my head back in the game. If someone is reading this who is thinking it will be easy to get thin after the surgery, please know that is not the case. This is an amazing tool but you must always use the tool wisely. I will never again let my guard down and think I can't possibly gain weight because I only had a chicken biscuit, a cheese Krystal and some nachos all day. NEVER AGAIN!

I am going to hold myself accountable, be aware of everything that enters my body and never waste what calories I can eat on those that are empty! I am still and will continue to be a success story!

your story is a wake up call for all of us regardless at what stage we are at.....

who doesnt give a shiver of fear thinking that it could happen to us if we become lackadaisical in our attitudes and efforts....thank you for the reminder....

[Cyndi 9]

Hey everyone! Sorry it has taken so long to get back in touch.

I am happy to say that I am officially below my previous "lowest" weight of 170. I am currently at 165 and continuing to make good decisions and progress.

When you have been heavy your entire life you do end up with a false sense of security, even though you are still not at a healthy weight. You might be 85 pounds down but if you are still in the overweight range you can't brush that off.

It took me a while to figure that out but I think I am finally getting the feel of my new body and will no longer allow myself to be too comfortable.

I used to think about food every moment of every day and now that hasn't changed. What has changed is that I think about it differently. Thanks to everyone! All is well with Cyndi!

Edited March 14, 2015 by Cyndi

[Shadow427 272]

Goodcyn and Susan! Thank you so much for posting. I needed this today. I had my 4 month checkup today and for the first time felt "defeated". I had been averaging 10 pounds a month since I started the with the pre-surgery diet in August. But this month it was only 4 pounds.

My doctor was pleased with my progress and said that in total I am where most people are at 6 months. He also reminded me that "muscles weighs more than fat." For the past two months I have been a workout/sports playing fanatic.

Your post reminded me that as much as I have been very diligent, there are small things I must take refocus on:

1. Even if it is healthy food, don't graze all day long.

2. Don't drink with meals.

3. Measure my foods.

4. The scale isn't the only measure of success!!! (Heck, I can play 3 hours of tennis now, when 6 months ago walking from the parking lot to the office was like running a marathon).

Best of luck to both of you! I appreciate the honesty. It helped me be honest with myself.