Hey Guys I Need Some Advice....

[sleevinIT 88]

Hey!! I hope everyones night is going well so far...let me cut straight to the chase. I am set to be sleeved on december the 14th of 2013.... as far as im concerned i only told a few people..(everyone except my boyfriend of 3yrs) i finally decided to tell him today and he is totally against it!!! I know im doing this for me but i love him also and what if with the weight loss the attraction dies? He iis the man of my dreams thats the last thing i want...it took me a while to get to the point im at now but now that im here now what? I know.u cnt tell me what tto do but if it were u in this situation what would you do? How could u explain to your spouse why your getting the surgery? I felt so uncomfortable trying to explain.it becuase i know one of the main reasons is because ii hate how my body looks i know if i told him that it would turn him off and ill never hear the end of it...so what should i do future sleevers!!!??? Put urself in my shoes how would u handle this??? Thanxx for your input!!

[DirtyHarriett 94]

I want to tell you what you want to hear, but I am hoping to be honest instead...

In my opinion, you should be doing this to improve your health and quality of life. Doing it because you don't like your body is going to make it tough to stick with it. This is major surgery and you will need a support system. My husband of many years loves me unconditionally. He was fearful of the surgery because he didn't think I needed it. I spent a lot of time explaining why I needed it and what I was going to do to make sure it worked for me.

I think you should take him to a support group. See the folks who have had it done and hear their stories.

Bottom line is this isn't for him. It is for you! You do what is best for YOU.

Best of luck to you!

[sleevinIT 88]

I want to tell you what you want to hear, but I am hoping to be honest instead...

In my opinion, you should be doing this to improve your health and quality of life. Doing it because you don't like your body is going to make it tough to stick with it. This is major surgery and you will need a support system. My husband of many years loves me unconditionally. He was fearful of the surgery because he didn't think I needed it. I spent a lot of time explaining why I needed it and what I was going to do to make sure it worked for me.

I think you should take him to a support group. See the folks who have had it done and hear their stories.

Bottom line is this isn't for him. It is for you! You do what is best for YOU.

Best of luck to you!

Thank you!!! He is some what supportive but he has no clue about bariatric surgery...i mean there are a list of things i could say about why i wanna/need this surgery!! But honestly all of them is as equal a problem....i know this is gonna be something hard to get used to...i will need a big support system. I know he loves me but this in itself will take alot of explaining to do...thanxx i will definitly keep the support group in mind.

[JeanZ_RN 378]

WHY is he against it? If he is only attracted to very heavy women, then you have a decision to make - are you going to stay heavy (and forego becoming healthier) just to satisfy that part of his likes/dislikes?

[sleevinIT 88]

I want to tell you what you want to hear, but I am hoping to be honest instead...

In my opinion, you should be doing this to improve your health and quality of life. Doing it because you don't like your body is going to make it tough to stick with it. This is major surgery and you will need a support system. My husband of many years loves me unconditionally. He was fearful of the surgery because he didn't think I needed it. I spent a lot of time explaining why I needed it and what I was going to do to make sure it worked for me.

I think you should take him to a support group. See the folks who have had it done and hear their stories.

Bottom line is this isn't for him. It is for you! You do what is best for YOU.

Best of luck to you!

Thank you!!! He is some what supportive but he has no clue about bariatric surgery...i mean there are a list of things i could say about why i wanna/need this surgery!! But honestly all of them is as equal a problem....i know this is gonna be something hard to get used to...i will need a big support system. I know he loves me but this in itself will take alot of explaining to do...thanxx i will definitly keep the support group in mind.

[southernsoul 773]

Maybe once the shock and surprise of finding out about the surgery wears off, he will be able to think it through better. Maybe he just doesn't know a lot about it & needs to be educated about the surgery & the benefits. Listen to what scares him & why he thinks this is a bad idea & try to address his concerns. Show him facts & maybe even take him to the doctor with you.

Being obese compromises our health and eventually our very lives. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but eventually the day will come when it catches up with us. Any man who would prefer you to take that risk rather than to take a risk to be healthier & live longer is probably not really the man of your dreams. I warned my husband that my body would probably not look very good at the end of this journey & his response was: "But you'll be here and you'll feel better & that's what matters" And he's right!

[sleevinIT 88]

WHY is he against it? If he is only attracted to very heavy women, then you have a decision to make - are you going to stay heavy (and forego becoming healthier) just to satisfy that part of his likes/dislikes?

Your right...its not that he likes very heavier women becuase he doesnt.he just likes me the way i am so he says and he sees no need for this surgery... even if i told him it would help me with health issues he would still think there was an underlying issue that i was tryna cover up.

[sleevinIT 88]

Maybe once the shock and surprise of finding out about the surgery wears off, he will be able to think it through better. Maybe he just doesn't know a lot about it & needs to be educated about the surgery & the benefits. Listen to what scares him & why he thinks this is a bad idea & try to address his concerns. Show him facts & maybe even take him to the doctor with you.

Being obese compromises our health and eventually our very lives. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but eventually the day will come when it catches up with us. Any man who would prefer you to take that risk rather than to take a risk to be healthier & live longer is probably not really the man of your dreams. I warned my husband that my body would probably not look very good at the end of this journey & his response was: "But you'll be here and you'll feel better & that's what matters" And he's right!

Yea that is so true....he wants to know more about it...he really does he sat mme down today to talk about it...but honestly i have always felt uncomfortable talking abiut my weight issues to him...and hes my mann!! Thats always been like the biggest elephant in the room. I knee he aint have a prob with it but i just never been comfy telling him..cuz i feel after i open my mouth about my weight issue he will really see how insecure i really am and im tryna hide that.

[southernsoul 773]

Yea that is so true....he wants to know more about it...he really does he sat mme down today to talk about it...but honestly i have always felt uncomfortable talking abiut my weight issues to him...and hes my mann!! Thats always been like the biggest elephant in the room. I knee he aint have a prob with it but i just never been comfy telling him..cuz i feel after i open my mouth about my weight issue he will really see how insecure i really am and im tryna hide that.

If you have been with this man for 3 years, chances are that he already knows you have some insecurities. You may not be nearly as good at covering that up as you think you are. Be honest with him & give him a chance to see ALL of you, not just the parts you are comfortable with him seeing. Trust him to love you in spite of your flaws. Good luck!

[Cupcake 801]

I honestly believe that you should be making this choice to better your health, and yourself no one else, I do not mean to be rude but he is your boyfriend not your husband. Make your choice in the best interest of you, not to please him, keep him or anything, but for you, ask yourself will this surgery improved your quality of life, because your boyfriend may stay or he may leave. You must make the choice to decide to be a healthier you for you and no one else. Good luck and the best of wishes.

[FitnFabfor2014 358]

Hi! I agree, he may be uninformed about the reasons that you have decided (or are deciding) to have this surgery. Maybe he also has insecurities? Maybe he fears that you will lose the weight and leave him. As much as we hope that relationships will remain, in reality (whether you are married or not) they do not weather the storm. This surgery is not only a physical but a mental storm. I wish you luck with your gastric journey. And just like others have said, you are doing this for yourself and most importantly for your health. You don't want to look back years from now and have any regrets for living your life for someone else.

[sleevinIT 88]

If you have been with this man for 3 years, chances are that he already knows you have some insecurities. You may not be nearly as good at covering that up as you think you are. Be honest with him & give him a chance to see ALL of you, not just the parts you are comfortable with him seeing. Trust him to love you in spite of your flaws. Good luck!

Thank u!!! This forum has really helped..he usually kept bringing it up.n i would keep cutting the topic shirt by saying i dnt wanna talk about iit but i will stop acting stupid and just tell himm because 9 imes out of ten like u said he already knows more than i think he does or already sees more than i think... thank u though you have really made alot of sense

[sleevinIT 88]

I honestly believe that you should be making this choice to better your health, and yourself no one else, I do not mean to be rude but he is your boyfriend not your husband. Make your choice in the best interest of you, not to please him, keep him or anything, but for you, ask yourself will this surgery improved your quality of life, because your boyfriend may stay or he may leave. You must make the choice to decide to be a healthier you for you and no one else. Good luck and the best of wishes.

You are right i guess as a female once you been with someone for a period of time u start to think that thats your husband..lol but u are right i guess i really lost site of why i really wanted to/needed to do this surgery....but thats definitly something to think over. Thanks again

[sleevinIT 88]

Hi! I agree, he may be uninformed about the reasons that you have decided (or are deciding) to have this surgery. Maybe he also has insecurities? Maybe he fears that you will lose the weight and leave him. As much as we hope that relationships will remain, in reality (whether you are married or not) they do not weather the storm. This surgery is not only a physical but a mental storm. I wish you luck with your gastric journey. And just like others have said, you are doing this for yourself and most <u><strong>importantly</strong></u> for your health. You don't want to look back years from now and have any regrets for living your life for someone else.

Factz

[Amour.de.lionne 63]

I completely understand your concerns about having this surgery. But if you valued anyone else opinion wouldn't you have told them even before you started your process? My point is this surgery is for you! Your health! Your self-esteem and your body! Taking in to consideration your boyfriends feelings if he loves you he will understand why you felt you even wanted this surgery! My fiancé backs me up 100% we made this decision together as he would be the one helping me throughout it all and he knows why it means so much to me not only health wise but esteem wise also. All the best to you girl! Hopefully he comes around to support you 100% in your decision and don't worry you'll be fine!