Support From Spouses

[callchrissy 7]

Hello everyone. I had surgery on October 21, 2013. I had a really hard time the first couple of weeks mourning. I was crying everyday with regret. My husband was so supportive. Reassuring me that things will get better even though he could not relate because he has not had the surgery. Now I am 4 weeks out and I can nibble on lretty much anything but I haven't tried chicken again because I tried it to soon and had a bad experience. Anyways... it seems that he is becoming less supportive now. I think it might be because I am constantly on him about his eating out. He comments that it is no different than before I had the surgery and he is right. I just feel like I wish he would eat at home. I mean I have been offering to make him what he wants and have it ready when he gets home but most of the time he just wants to eat out. And it is not my cooking lol cause I know how to cook. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I am constantly nagging him. I confess its partially because I cannot eat all these things anymore but its also because I worry about his health. He Is only 36 and takes diabetic, high blood pressure and gerd medicines. When I try to talk to him about it he just doesn't want to hear it or he makes jokes. I just don't know what to do.

[woo woo 872]

If he is overweight, I wouldn't be surprised if he changes his habits when he starts seeing your results.

He will probably want to get healthier too, and may wind up wanting surgery for himself! He's def too young to be on all those medicines too.

Are you invited to go along when he goes out?

[callchrissy 7]

If he is overweight, I wouldn't be surprised if he changes his habits when he starts seeing your results.

He will probably want to get healthier too, and may wind up wanting surgery for himself! He's def too young to be on all those medicines too.

Are you invited to go along when he goes out?

I hope he does change some of his ways when he sees me losing weight. Right now he just doesn't care about it. He says he kniws he's fat and he's ok with it. I know that it bothers him a little bit but I doubt enough for him to consider surgery. He eats so fast and his bites and porti ok he are huge.

Yes I am always invited whe. He goes anywhere. We are best friends and do everything together. I think he maybe mourning my eating with him to. Yes he is over weight to. Probably about 80-100lbs

[woo woo 872]

In that case, you are probably right, he is missing his eating buddy. I'm sure he'll get over it before too long. Hang in there!

[FLORIDAYS 3,040]

Hello everyone. I had surgery on October 21, 2013. I had a really hard time the first couple of weeks mourning. I was crying everyday with regret. My husband was so supportive. Reassuring me that things will get better even though he could not relate because he has not had the surgery. Now I am 4 weeks out and I can nibble on lretty much anything but I haven't tried chicken again because I tried it to soon and had a bad experience. Anyways... it seems that he is becoming less supportive now. I think it might be because I am constantly on him about his eating out. He comments that it is no different than before I had the surgery and he is right. I just feel like I wish he would eat at home. I mean I have been offering to make him what he wants and have it ready when he gets home but most of the time he just wants to eat out. And it is not my cooking lol cause I know how to cook. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I am constantly nagging him. I confess its partially because I cannot eat all these things anymore but its also because I worry about his health. He Is only 36 and takes diabetic, high blood pressure and gerd medicines. When I try to talk to him about it he just doesn't want to hear it or he makes jokes. I just don't know what to do.

I found it best to just not make a big deal out of my situation. I fixed hubby his normal meals while adding some healthy choices and just kept things as normal as possible.... Spouses of bandsters are at a loss. They don't understand, they don't really know what to do and they tire of hearing us rattle on about learning to live with our band. Give him some time.... And try to talk to someone other than him about your band.

[callchrissy 7]

Anyone that can relate or is having the same problems please tell me how u handled/handle it. I do not want my relationship to go down the tubes because of something like food.< /p>

[lsereno 2,525]

Quit nagging. Now. Does someone nagging you make you more likely to want to do something? It doesn't do it for me.

Be the loving wife. Rock your new sleeve. As you lose weight, he may choose to eat more healthy. If he doesn't, is that a deal breaker for you? Many years ago, the doctor told my husband to quit smoking immediately because of some lung issues. We both quit, but he fell off the wagon about a month later. He didn't quit for another 20 years. Now we both live with those consequences to his health because I love him more than a pair of healthy lungs. I wish he could have quit earlier but I know nagging would not have made that happen. I do think seeing how,y health stayed better because I quit smoking did eventually help him to quit.

Lynda

[callchrissy 7]

Quit nagging. Now. Does someone nagging you make you more likely to want to do something? It doesn't do it for me.

Be the loving wife. Rock your new sleeve. As you lose weight, he may choose to eat more healthy. If he doesn't, is that a deal breaker for you? Many years ago, the doctor told my husband to quit smoking immediately because of some lung issues. We both quit, but he fell off the wagon about a month later. He didn't quit for another 20 years. Now we both live with those consequences to his health because I love him more than a pair of healthy lungs. I wish he could have quit earlier but I know nagging would not have made that happen. I do think seeing how,y health stayed better because I quit smoking did eventually help him to quit.

Lynda

I know. U are so right. Its just so hard because I want him to be around ya know. And It makes it very hard for me to stay on track. I hope he sees me lose weight and he decides to do something about it. Maybe I will just be so proud of myself everyday and happy that he wants to be that way to.

[lsereno 2,525]

I know. U are so right. Its just so hard because I want him to be around ya know. And It makes it very hard for me to stay on track. I hope he sees me lose weight and he decides to do something about it. Maybe I will just be so proud of myself everyday and happy that he wants to be that way to.

Yep,IMO, that's the only way together people to change. Be such a good model they can't resist! And if they don't change, at least you will be healthier to deal with it.

On his bringing stuff in you shouldn't eat, try to segregate it from your food so it's easier to stay out of it.

Lynda

[Abigal 13]

You decision to have surgery was for you, not to fix him. We all make the hard decision when our time is right. Focus on your own health, he is a grown man and responsible for his. Be supportive of good decision but face it, having surgery yourself is enough to keep you focused.

[BladeFox 235]

I think men/spouses in general will help and care until they see that you are fine and then they move on. My husband doesn't talk about the surgery much unless I bring it up to him (pre-op). Then he says that he is just concerned about me having surgery overall. So I know that he cares but I'm not letting it fool me into thinking that afterwards, maybe two weeks, it won't be life as usual either.

That's just the way they are...

[Arts137 1,811]

I know. U are so right. Its just so hard because I want him to be around ya know. And It makes it very hard for me to stay on track. I hope he sees me lose weight and he decides to do something about it. Maybe I will just be so proud of myself everyday and happy that he wants to be that way to.

Mut husband's are usually male. And male's don't hear "I just want you around".

As Lynda says - rock your sleeve and he'll follow if and when he can.

[McButterpants 2,846]

I agree with Lynda (Isereno)...Nagging isn't going to make anything better.

I had a frank conversation with my husband about 2 weeks before surgery. He bluntly said, "Please don't become one of those people that tries to make everyone eat healthier just because all of a sudden you are." He wasn't nasty, we were just having an open dialogue. And he is right. Since then, I can see subtle changes in what he is doing - he still eats 1/2 bag of Cheetos in a sitting, but he also is drinking more Water, walking with me, and making better choices.

I try to remember, he never ever tried to change me, even when I was at my heaviest. I can only control my behavior and my reaction to his behavior.

Good luck to you. This isn't easy, I know. You will find your way.