How Long Will It Take To Rebuild Confidence And Self Esteem? If You Have It Can You Lose It? Will This Break Me?

[KeeWee 470]

I mean, I'm 33 and it took most of my life to learn to love myself as I am and believe that I am beautiful. I had to like most people, accept myself for who I am and build confidence and self esteem over time.

With a new body, a new face, a new look, yes, I may love the outside look and feel of it all when it comes to what's on the surface but do those insecure emotions ever set in? I've been loving my big beautiful shape for a long time and my chubby face with dimples, it's gotten me a long way and I never had the urge to be small and never ever skinny, I love my hips and thighs but this is all for my health and preventative measure due to family history.

What if I don't like what I see? I love the attention I get now, what if I don't like my new shape, no butt, no boobs, no curves....ugh. I don't want my face to get all saggy like the rest of my skin will be...

Did this become an issue post op for anyone or is being skinny enough?? Honestly!!!

[PdxMan 4,292]

Wow ... this is such a difficult question to answer. Surely you know there is not just one answer.

I can only relate my own experience. I think the biggest thing to point out, though, is my pre-sleeve expectations and my post-sleeve reality were miles apart. I've had emotional turmoil as I have confronted my issues relating to abusing food. The denial of the circumstances which led to a life of morbid obesity. Then, as I entered into the world of "normal" BMI, dealing with the changes in how people treat you ... and then how I reacted to other morbidly obese people ...

It's a crazy journey, for sure. Add to it all the hormones which are stored in your fat getting released ... losing hair ... I could go on and on ... My emotions, outlook, self-view ... everything was a wild roller coaster ride. I'm about 2 and half years out and I believe things have settled in, but the old stinkin' thinkin' can come up at a moments notice. That is when it is so nice to have the sleeve to help keep me in check.

I hope my experience helps, but this is just a vast, personal question where everyone is going to have their own experience.

[clk 3,519]

Yes, nobody can point you to a time frame and say there's just a point where it happens.

It takes work. A lot of work, in my case.

Not sure how well the search function is going on here but there are many posts that discuss this.

In my situation, I was not unhappy because I was fat. I was fat because I was unhappy. Losing weight exacerbated my issues until I confronted them and worked on them. I lost my favorite coping mechanism and had to actually start dealing with things that had been bothering me for years.

With time I am more confident. But it takes a lot of work and I'm a work in progress, even after three years. I was hiding things with food and fat so I could avoid them, and truly felt that my weight was the reason I was unhappy. I floundered a bit around a year and a half out because I was forced to confront the truth: I was still unhappy, even at goal. And yes, skin bothers me. And yes, the shape of my body bothered me for a bit (it actually gets a lot better by two years post op, though). But really, these were easy targets. Easy, clearly visible things I could point to and say "THAT'S the reason I feel sad" but in truth they were distractions.

Counseling helps. Nobody can answer this but you. It's so individual it's not even possible for us to speculate!

~Cheri

[KeeWee 470]

thanks guys, yes, im sure this is a individualized type of question...I was just hoping no one would say..." 3 years post op and i still struggle with accepting my new body." good to know it will all settle in and hopefully begin to feel normal.

I even notice myself looking at other overweight ppl and saying, they should get the surgery or why haven't they done it and I feel bad about that...my mind is in a constant whirlwind.

feels good to share my inner thoughts tho...thanks

[Camella 209]

I have been the opposite to you. For most of my life I have had terrible body image and it's taken me years of work to reach a point of accepting myself. Since the surgery I feel so different about myself and I can't really put my finger on it. I think it's because I'm now fit (for the first time in my adult life), I feel strong because I take care of my body, I feel confident because I feel in control of myself (most of the time). It's strange because none of these things have anything to do with my external appearance BUT I think because of these things I exude positivity, happiness and confidence and ALL these things are very sexy! My experience has been so positive and I'm sure it will be a positive experience for you too!