Sick Of Compliments And Comments

[O-Town Body Rock 148]

I can say now, 4 weeks post op, that i cant wait for the compliments! But...and a big but I may add (no pun intended) I do not look forward to having to BS people about how I lost my weight. Only one person knows I have had surgery and that is the husband. I H-A-T-E people being all up in my business and I am a very private person (except for on Bariatric Pal) and I dont know what to do. I was the popular girl in my hometown and I have not been back there in years and no one knows how big I am. When I had my Tummy Tuck years ago, it was a big thing around town and random people would come up to me and comment on how I went to extremes, yadda, yadda, yadda.

But i digress. Anyway, I also hate the, "you are getting too skinny" or "your head looks huge now" or "you look sick" comments and that is going to piss me off!

[Huntingnurse 510]

While the comments suck it could be worse... You could get no. Attention. At. All.

[tallysfunny 363]

While the comments suck it could be worse... You could get no. Attention. At. All.

That's very true. And wouldn't that hurt or bother any of us? We have all busted butt to lose weight and look good and feel good. While compliments have always made me uncomfortable. I still feel good inside when I get them.

[Sparklingbeauty53 202]

If you have a problem with cigarettes people won't necessarily know unless you smell or you smoke in front of them.

If you have a problem with drinking it can be hidden

If you have a drug problem it can be hidden.

All of the above can be hidden until certain points. With food it is not that way. It is visible all the time.

Unfortunately, we are judged by our size before we even speak or share who we really are. We know it is true. The converse is also true. Any success we have at the scale is visual too so people think we are ok to talk to about it.

I am early on and want to hear about my success. When it gets old I will probably feel the same way as most of you. I think we are just stuck with the visual aspect of this.

[lasal 70]

You must work in private sector. I work for the state government and let me tell you if someone made a shrinking ass comment to me or anyone else in my office kidding or not, they would have been written up immediately for A) sexual harassment and a hostile work environment. Let me tell you, start throwing around catch phrases like that and the comments will seize immediately. Your size and clothing are irrelevant to the integrity of your work. Maybe they are just impressed, but anything that makes you uncomfortable should not be tolerated in the work place.

[CrazyJaney 775]

You must work in private sector. I work for the state government and let me tell you if someone made a shrinking ass comment to me or anyone else in my office kidding or not, they would have been written up immediately for A) sexual harassment and a hostile work environment. Let me tell you, start throwing around catch phrases like that and the comments will seize immediately. Your size and clothing are irrelevant to the integrity of your work. Maybe they are just impressed, but anything that makes you uncomfortable should not be tolerated in the work place.

The majority of the time, the comments are genuine. But there comes a time where people need to move on from their "astonishment". I've lost 71 and you can tell a great deal. I hear the "astonished" comments nearly every day. I give brief thanks and then move onto some other subject quickly. It's nice for a brief second and then I just want near strangers (work acquaintances) to stop examining me. Just today, a female doctor exclaimed loudly in a hall full of coworkers how "you look like half the person you were!" which then drew in others to comment and before you knew it, 5 sets of eyes are examining me. It was ridiculous. The elevator came and I went the opposite way. Everyone was pleasant and nice but it's just unnerving. I still have 80+ to lose so I can legitimately say "I've got a long way to go". I deal with HR stuff so I am familiar with hostile work environments. It's just hard to decide where the line is. When is enough enough? I suppose any unsolicited comments could be considered unwanted. Some days I tolerate it better than others.

[B-52 7,113]

Don't worry...it will all stop and be "Old News"

People who knew you when you were fat will eventually treat you as you now are, and within that time you meet new people who never knew you as being fat.....

I play on a softball team, and they were complimenting me on how well I play for someone who is the oldest on the team...62, and 6 years older than the next oldest....

I told them, "Would you believe that I was once over 100lbs heavier, and had a heart attack resulting in surgery"

No one would believe I was ever that fat....I had to tell them to go ask "So and so", (a mutual friend who was a neighbor and knows me well), if you think I'm full of it.....

So don't worry, this will all be history, no more diets and weight loss, and you will settle into a new life......everyone will get over it, as "Old News"

So I do not get weight loss compliments anymore....NOW I get compliments for doing active things very well, like running, etc, just from being fit and trim...I get compliments in the gym about how well my body looks, and those are the trainers there who never knew I was fat once.......these are much better!!!!

Edited June 21, 2014 by B-52

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Jabedn, I'm sorry you're feeling so isolated during this journey you are obviously succeeding on. I hope you can find support here.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Jabedn, I'm sorry you're feeling so isolated during this journey you are obviously succeeding on. I hope you can find support here.

[dimples4u 13]

Disclaimer......

What i'm about to say might come off as being rude/ungrateful/negative etc. I am a very happy and positive person who tries to find the good in everything. However, I'm human and I have my pet peeves.. :-)

I thought I was the only one who is tired of the compliments. Honestly, when they come from family they make me feel worse at times. When I was large, I've always heard how pretty My face was. Now that I am half the size, the same people tell me that "now" I look so good. Last thanksgiving I spent it with my family for the first time in a few years. Most of them haven't seen me in a long time. My uncle gave me a hug and told me "you look good girl. Now your able to blend in with the crowd." I was furious and i was about to go off on him, but my dad walked up to me to inquire if I was ok. I told him what my uncle said and apparently they exchanged some words outside.

How my family responds to me irritates me to no end. When I was large, I used to feel so uncomfortable around them especially kids. Little Kids are brutally honest and will say mommy she is fat right in front of you. Now when I go around them the first thing they say to me is omg...you are so pretty/beautiful/u look good. They immediately continue with I need to lose a few pounds myself. They watch me like an eagle when I make a plate of food and always ask if thats all I can eat. Then they go back to telling me how they need to stop eating as much so they can lose weight and get ready for the summer. It seems like the tables have turned. I use to feel uncomfortable and now I make them feel uncomfortable. I don't care if they are small or big. I don't mind talking about weight loss when I'm asked about nutrition, how I lost 50 lbs before surgery completely on my own, and about my experience with the entire process itself. I just don't want to hear someone making negative comments about themselves. It's irritating and i'm not sure how to comment on it, so I just blink without any words.

My weight loss wasn't for esthetic purposes. I don't have to be a size 6. Nor am I obsessed with how fast I lose the weight. I barley keep track of how much I lost. All I know is my cloths fit one day and don't the next. Honestly, I decided to have this surgery because I was 436 lbs and I couldn't do the things I loved to do when I was smaller. I've always been a big girl and was 250 lbs in middle school. However, I could still run a mile, beat people in a foot race, and I was the star basketball player from 5th grade thru high school. All I wanted was to be able to play basketball again, get on amusement park rides, and have a baby. Lol

My point is I don't want people to make it a big deal. Yes U have lost a ton a weight, but i don't want to talk about with with everyone I come across. I just want things to go back to being normal.

Thanks guys for listening/reading to me vent...

[allielee 263]

I can tell you from previous experience once you lose all the weight the comments won't bother you so much because people do forget you being bigger.. I was banded in 2008 and lost 120 at hit my goal weight in 9 months.. It took about a year but people started commenting on how my outfit looked nice or how hot I looked there was no more comparisons to the fat me. I had rny on May 21 (band failed) and had to gain 50 pounds to meet the criteria which I did in 3 months lol and now am down 31 of those pounds and I can tell ya I can hardly wait to get back to the point where it's comments on my outfits and how hot I am lol I hate the constant how much have you lost now???? Keep your chin up I promise it will come to a point where people forget the fat you and just know the new you.

[kespy74 103]

My boys always like to say "Mom, are you getting shorter?" They don't mention my weight loss but they do say they are proud of me for being healthier. Every week, when I weigh myself, I let them know, and they just give me a way to go mom. They both leave for college next month, and I am going to miss them so much. At least they are only a few hours away.