Sick Of Compliments And Comments

[Idairene 37]

Is there something wrong with me that I am sick and tired of the "compliments" and comments I am getting about my weight loss? I'm tired of being told how good I look, or having people say things like "I barely recognize you." This is particularly a problem at work. I just want to come in and do my job and see my friends and learn new things. I have other things in my life I want to talk about besides my weight loss. The other day this all went too far. My project manager called me into her office because another project manager had an idea she wanted to tell me. When I opened the door, she whipped out her iphone camera and said "hey, we want to take pictures of your shrinking ass. We want to take sequential pictures over a period of time and put them into time lapse photography and show your incredible shrinking ass." The next day I went to my Vice President and said that I felt a line had been crossed, that I had found this very distressing. She agreed it was inappropriate and said she would talk to them but then said, "you have to understand, we are all totally blown away be the changes in your body. We see it changing almost daily. People just want to let you know how successfull you are." I told her that I had lived with my surgery and my changing body image every waking moment for nearly 3 months now and that I want to move on with my life, focus on other things. Everyone notices everything I wear, any new outfit - which I now have plenty of because there is not one thing from my old closet that fits. Its to the point where I'm hesitant to return to my personal training sessions for fear I'll look even more toned and have to deal with more comments. The other day, I struggled to find something in my closet to wear that fit and looked professional, when I finally pulled an outfit together, I must have received a zillion compliments - and I didn't even particularly like it or think it was flattering. And that was the day I got the "shrinking ass" comment. I know I am going to continue to lose weight and get even better looking. Is it going to come to a point when this discussion on my appearance either stops or that I just accept that people checking me out and commenting is part of my new life?

[LipstickLady 25,682]

This is a huge reason why I chose not to tell people about my WLS.

I am a mom, a wife, a successful business owner and a friend. I am a women's self defense instructor and a martial artist. I am a promotions director and an events organizer. I volunteer at a women's shelter, two PTAs, and in classrooms for autistic children. I am a theater mom and a kickboxing teacher. I could bore you to tears with all the things I am that are so much more interesting than the staples in my stomach.

I love the compliments but I hate the intense focus on my weight loss. No one introduced me before as the big fat cow, why am I now introduced as the one who lost a fifth grader?

I'm happy I did what I did and I wouldn't take it back for the world, but I am ready for this to no longer be the definition of me.

[Momonanomo 534]

Me too, me too. I am uncomfortable with the compliments, i just want to be me and not a topic of conversation.

That being said OMG that person with the camera did indeed cross the line big time! Good grief! Good for you for reporting it, and shame on the supervisor for even somewhat defending their actions. IMO, people's bodies just really shouldnt be a topic of conversation in the workplace EVER. Looking good or looking bad, looking thin or looking heavy, it is just completely inappropriate. Do not touch my body and do not use it as a topic of conversation.

This is a serious matter that your supervisor should take very seriously.

That being said, please dont let it get in the way of your progress. I completely understand what you are saying about wanting to lay off the hard work because you dont want to draw more attention to yourself, but you would only be hurting yourself.

Just try to remember that in a year or so the novelty of your new body will have worn off for these weirdos at work and they will move on. You will get to enjoy your healthy body for life!

Good luck and keep us posted k!

[Seela 1,187]

Is there something wrong with me that I am sick and tired of the "compliments" and comments I am getting about my weight loss? I'm tired of being told how good I look, or having people say things like "I barely recognize you." This is particularly a problem at work. I just want to come in and do my job and see my friends and learn new things. I have other things in my life I want to talk about besides my weight loss. The other day this all went too far. My project manager called me into her office because another project manager had an idea she wanted to tell me. When I opened the door, she whipped out her iphone camera and said "hey, we want to take pictures of your shrinking ass. We want to take sequential pictures over a period of time and put them into time lapse photography and show your incredible shrinking ass." The next day I went to my Vice President and said that I felt a line had been crossed, that I had found this very distressing. She agreed it was inappropriate and said she would talk to them but then said, "you have to understand, we are all totally blown away be the changes in your body. We see it changing almost daily. People just want to let you know how successfull you are." I told her that I had lived with my surgery and my changing body image every waking moment for nearly 3 months now and that I want to move on with my life, focus on other things. Everyone notices everything I wear, any new outfit - which I now have plenty of because there is not one thing from my old closet that fits. Its to the point where I'm hesitant to return to my personal training sessions for fear I'll look even more toned and have to deal with more comments. The other day, I struggled to find something in my closet to wear that fit and looked professional, when I finally pulled an outfit together, I must have received a zillion compliments - and I didn't even particularly like it or think it was flattering. And that was the day I got the "shrinking ass" comment. I know I am going to continue to lose weight and get even better looking. Is it going to come to a point when this discussion on my appearance either stops or that I just accept that people checking me out and commenting is part of my new life?

Honestly this is a problem that I can't wait to have!!! However, insread of reporting your co-workers why not just speak up and say, I appreciate the compliments but talking about it makes me uncomfortable. If you say that a few times they will stop. You had the surgery, I'm assuming by your post it's not a secret, so either enjoy the ride or simply tell them.

[Sydney Susan 333]

Compliments are great - obsession is not. I suggest some of your colleagues don't have enough to do. And yes, wanting to take even a single photo of your butt is "off", let alone a series to show the changes. Your VP needs to know that too.

I am assuming mostly women are making these comments. Perhaps point out how creepy - and inappropriate - it would be if men were to make the same comments.

And a few loud reminders that you want them to be amazed by your brain, wit, persistence, creativity etc, might help to rein them in a bit.

Good luck.

[MRWILLIA6871 8]

I've been having a hard time with people saying to me, "Now that you are skinny, you don't want to talk to us any more." What? Are they serious? The only thing that has changed about me is my body. I'm still the same kind hearted person that I have always been. It amazes me that everyone is making a big deal about this.

[ajustice 484]

I love compliments. It has came across from 1 or 2 tho almost condescending. I didn't like it then. I am starting to get the whole,"Don't lose any more cause you will be sick" or the " You have lost too much" kinda deal. Mainly just from the larger people. I like to remind myself it's how I know I have pretty much arrived with my success in my surgery. Also..people get jealous sometimes, some truly are interested, some think they have an emotional interest vested. I just think...I'm doing this! It worked!

[Idairene 37]

I love compliments.

Maybe I'm particularly gorgeous or something but I literally cannot walk to the kitchen at work without getting compliments. I cannot walk into a room for a meeting without jaws dropping - even by people who just saw me a few days ago. By 10:30 this morning, I had had 4 converstations about how good looking I was. I find it tiresome. I like what was posted in the discussion about "sick of people telling me I'm not fat" and posted this on my FB page, because I have not announced my surgery to the world.

By now, from my FB photos, you have probably noticed that I have lost a considerable amount of weight. Some of you have shared closely with me in that journey. Many people, being well intentioned, comment or question me about it but I remind you that silence is golden. I subscribe to the theory that all bodies are good bodies and that even at my fattest, I was still beautiful. Now, I' much healthier. Perhaps this article will help. http://queerfatfemme.com/2013/10/04/how-to-be-a-good-ally-to-fat-people-who-appear-to-have-lost-weight/

[Idairene 37]

Honestly this is a problem that I can't wait to have!!! However, insread of reporting your co-workers why not just speak up and say, I appreciate the compliments but talking about it makes me uncomfortable. If you say that a few times they will stop. You had the surgery, I'm assuming by your post it's not a secret, so either enjoy the ride or simply tell them.

I have told them it makes me uncomfortable - they still continue to comment.

[Idairene 37]

Make that 5 conversation today so far...it's all women. I I talked to a male friend about this and he just said to turn to people and say, "I don't want to talk about it" and to not give them any reinforcement to continue the conversation.

[Seela 1,187]

I have told them it makes me uncomfortable - they still continue to comment.

Seela is short for Suseela. The only person who calls me that is my mom ans inly when she's mad at me my full name is listed on my cosmetology license and my clients will see it and start calling me Suseela. I tell them I don't like it and that my mom only calls me that when I'm in trouble. Lol. If they continue calling me that I simply ignore them. When they question me about it I tell them that I only answer to that name for my mom. If forces them not to do it if they want me to answer. ... if it continues pretend like you are deaf and either go about your business or walk away. They'll figure it out eventually. Just don't let them see that it bothers you. When people ask why I'm not answering them I just say well my mom's not here so I didn't realize you were talking to me, (while acting like I didn't even hear them). They'll get the message

[endless80 697]

If nobody said a word we'd have a status about how nobody notices your weight loss. I guess I just don't understand why people noticing your shrinking body is a bad thing. It means you're on the right track.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

If nobody said a word we'd have a status about how nobody notices your weight loss. I guess I just don't understand why people noticing your shrinking body is a bad thing. It means you're on the right track.

While I enjoy the compliments, I understand those who do not. I am not defined by my body size, fat or thin. I have much more interesting things going for me over what size pants I wear. Is that hard to understand?

[Idairene 37]

I shared my concern at my support group meeting last night and we worked out that I would address this by using "I" statements. Thus "when I hear comments about my changing body size I feel like I have lost my privacy and I don't want to feel like I am a poster child for weight loss (surgery - depending on who comments and how much they know)." Lessons learned, go to your support group, follow up with your team and don't go it alone.

[Shazam 517]

I've been having a hard time with people saying to me, "Now that you are skinny, you don't want to talk to us any more." What? Are they serious? The only thing that has changed about me is my body. I'm still the same kind hearted person that I have always been. It amazes me that everyone is making a big deal about this.

Omg! How true! There are two people I know that would so fit this. And one of them is actually banded. Come to find out, it's really them who are the jerks! I'm done with people like that. I've been walking out of the room, or excuse myself to the restroom. I'm just done with silliness like that.

Edited April 16, 2014 by Shazam