female only Losing Weight Causing Me To Rethink Being In My Current Relationship

[ladykatie_ 117]

It's not the losing weight that is the question of your relationship, methinks. It sounds like a break-up is inevitable.

I was in the exact same relationship a few years ago with a guy like that. I lived with him and everything. I kind of knew from the beginning that it was going to end but it was so easy-going and simple. But hey, no one said love was easy. Also this was way before my thoughts of getting weight loss surgery. I was a big girl though, if that matters at all.

I know bariatric divorce is a thing, but I do believe if it wasn't meant to be then it just wasn't. If it is, then it is. With or without the surgery.

[tammie30 43]

<p>Ok so this might be a bit lengthy, sorry but I really need some advice from those who are not close to the situation.</p> <p> </p> <p>I have been with my boyfriend for over two years. We moved to my hometown about a month ago. I (not we) bought a house, because we couldn’t afford rent. The main reason we moved was because there was more job opportunity for him. He even sold his house. He only has a HS Diploma so I thought that learning a trade or something of that nature would be good for him because he feels he is not college material.</p> <p> </p> <p>We were talking the other day and I finally realized he has no goals in life. He told me “to be alive” was his goal. My brain cannot process this. I have a Masters and have been working my butt off to make money. I have a min. wage job and I freelance graphic design on the side. Having a job in graphic design is a huge goal for me. I am even willing to move again to have it, but he isn’t.</p> <p> </p> <p>Every time I suggest any sort of job to him he says no or gives me some excuse. He even admits to the fact that he is lazy. His normal routine is to go to work, play his xbox until he falls asleep, and then go to work. Rinse and repeat. We have to get into huge arguments for him to take out the trash.</p> <p> </p> <p>The other problem or problems lies with me. I had my surgery at the end of August and have lost almost 60 pounds. So I am becoming happier with myself and really realizing the person I want to become.</p> <p> </p> <p>When me and my boyfriend got together, I was 318, the same as when I had my surgery. I never gained or lost any weight in the time we had been together. About 6 months in, he became very critical of my weight. The one time we had gone to the mall and he walked so far in front of me, I couldn’t keep up. When I asked him why, he said “Everyone was looking at me because I had a fat girlfriend. ” Mind you, my self esteem has been so shot that I just let him treat me that way. I grew up being treated that way and didn’t feel like I deserved anything different. He felt if he made me feel bad about my weight, I would do something about it. (I was having my surgery whether I was with him or not. Both my parents had it, so it left me more inclined to have to do the same)</p> <p> </p> <p>He has since apologized to me several times about our early time together, but I can’t seem to let it go. I feel like if you loved me, why would you treat me that way? I don’t know how to get over it.</p> <p> </p> <p>I do love him, but our goals just do not align, he is lazy and has absolutely no ambition. Lately I feel like I just want to be single and (slightly) relive my 20’s. I’m 26 now. I want a life do over to become the person I have always wanted to be. I am getting more attention from guys and I really want to act on it, but I don’t because I have my boyfriend.</p> <p> </p> <p>Am I just putting off the split that is going to come, or am I being selfish because I want to be single and do my own thing? I mean I really want the clothes I never got to wear and a pair of hooker boots. I want to go out and have fun, because I didn’t really do that in college.</p>

Do something for you, if those are your dreams and he's not supporting them.. Then it's time to move on.

[pescareno 4]

Ok so this might be a bit lengthy, sorry but I really need some advice from those who are not close to the situation.

I have been with my boyfriend for over two years. We moved to my hometown about a month ago. I (not we) bought a house, because we couldn’t afford rent. The main reason we moved was because there was more job opportunity for him. He even sold his house. He only has a HS Diploma so I thought that learning a trade or something of that nature would be good for him because he feels he is not college material.

We were talking the other day and I finally realized he has no goals in life. He told me “to be alive” was his goal. My brain cannot process this. I have a Masters and have been working my butt off to make money. I have a min. wage job and I freelance graphic design on the side. Having a job in graphic design is a huge goal for me. I am even willing to move again to have it, but he isn’t.

Every time I suggest any sort of job to him he says no or gives me some excuse. He even admits to the fact that he is lazy. His normal routine is to go to work, play his xbox until he falls asleep, and then go to work. Rinse and repeat. We have to get into huge arguments for him to take out the trash.

The other problem or problems lies with me. I had my surgery at the end of August and have lost almost 60 pounds. So I am becoming happier with myself and really realizing the person I want to become.

When me and my boyfriend got together, I was 318, the same as when I had my surgery. I never gained or lost any weight in the time we had been together. About 6 months in, he became very critical of my weight. The one time we had gone to the mall and he walked so far in front of me, I couldn’t keep up. When I asked him why, he said “Everyone was looking at me because I had a fat girlfriend. ” Mind you, my self esteem has been so shot that I just let him treat me that way. I grew up being treated that way and didn’t feel like I deserved anything different. He felt if he made me feel bad about my weight, I would do something about it. (I was having my surgery whether I was with him or not. Both my parents had it, so it left me more inclined to have to do the same)

He has since apologized to me several times about our early time together, but I can’t seem to let it go. I feel like if you loved me, why would you treat me that way? I don’t know how to get over it.

I do love him, but our goals just do not align, he is lazy and has absolutely no ambition. Lately I feel like I just want to be single and (slightly) relive my 20’s. I’m 26 now. I want a life do over to become the person I have always wanted to be. I am getting more attention from guys and I really want to act on it, but I don’t because I have my boyfriend.

Am I just putting off the split that is going to come, or am I being selfish because I want to be single and do my own thing? I mean I really want the clothes I never got to wear and a pair of hooker boots. I want to go out and have fun, because I didn’t really do that in college.

I think you already know the answer to this question. But here goes. It sounds like your were settling to begin with due to your weight. Your young motivated and going places. He's happy staying in the same place the rest of his life. You guys have different goal. That's not even touching the weight loss at all. But him walking in front of you at the mall!!?? Come on!! I don't care how many times he apologies. He was embarrassed to be seen with you. I bet he wasn't embarrassed accept half you mortgage money bill money and what not ! You deserve better than that. If he couldn't accept you with your weight he doesn't deserve you without it move on. Follow your career dreams do you ! I bet when you come back to visit years later he will be in the same place you left him. My BF loved me with the weight and as I'm losing he still loves me even though I'm getting pointy according to him. Lol. Love is lofe sweetie real love is unconditionally.

[fabulosity32 1]

Leave now

[Brenda Witte Evans 5]

You clearly don't want to be in this relationship. Time to face the inconvenient truth and the harsh reality and ask him to go. Look hard for that dream job. and girl... Go LIVE your 20's this is from a 42 y/o divorced, and now newly remarried women. Just starting her gastric bypass.

Good luck... I will say a little prayer for you because nothing is harder than stepping into the unknown.

[Sherrischeffler 74]

Thank you all for your responses. I guess I just needed some reassurance that I am doing the right thing in getting out of this relationship. I guess I kind of knew the answer all along, just needed a push.

As far as my job, I am a bartender, so I also make tips. It pays my bills at the moment. He also pays bills. When I got out of undergrad the economy was in the toilet and no one wanted to hire someone without experience, even if they had a degree. Graphic Design jobs for those without 3+ years experience are hard to find, especially where I live.

About my house, rent is anywhere from 800 to 1500 dollars around here. Just rent. My house payment is 360. I can manage that. The only reason I do not have school loans and was able to put a down payment on my house is because my brother passed away a few years ago and I have savings. I would give every penny back in an instant, but it is what it is.

I moved back to my hometown because my mother had back surgery. All of my father’s siblings died before the age of 55 and my dad is 60. I have been away for quite a while.

start living your new life & do whats best for you & what makes you happy in careers & personal life situations. .

[Jolisue 112]

The way you have described him he sounds a little lost. I'm not sure how he can be satisfied with playing video games and working with nothing in between. He sounds like a lost teenager.

You both are in different places of maturity, goals and most importantly what you want out of life.

I'm not a break up encourager so I say this very carefully: it sounds like you aren't a match.

Like a previous poster said beautifully, it will be sad to breakup but it will be exciting too.

Trust in yourself and move on.

I wish you love and happiness and success!