I'm Sick Of People Telling Me I'm Not Fat!

[Seela 1,187]

I am a hair salon owner/ stylist and I decided not to keep my surgery a secret. I do not regret that decision. I do find it frustratingly interesting that people keep telling me that I'm not fat enough to have surgery! Really? Now granted, I'm not as "fat" as some but at 250lbs, bmi almost 42, size 18-20 pants and 3x shirts... I am damn well fat! "I just don't see it" I hear on a regular basis. Well, what's funny is that is always prefaced by "you look great" (of course I'm down almost 30lbs now). When I say.. well I have over a hundred lbs to lose... they simply say they don't believe me. Well.. if you're able to see my profile pic you might not see it either, but please know that I know the best angle to take my picture and photo shop is a miracle! When I (rarely) find myself in a picture with "normal" size people I am blown away at just how big I am.. it doesn't look natual. So.. rambling, sorry... my question is.. Do they really not see it? Are they just trying to be nice? What gives? Anyone else get this?

[Fluffnomore 1,235]

In the hospital, one of the doctors on call told me the same thing. "You didn't need this surgery." I reported her.

We've probably all at least thought this…weight is one of the last bastions of things people can comment on with some kind of impunity. My stats are similar to yours and yes, in some charts I have 100 pounds to lose. I've set my goal more conservative right now but it may change.

I see pictures of myself and I can't believe it's me. Even when I think I look cute or have a nice outfit on I can't get away from the fact that I am the largest person in most pictures. I look relatively thin at 150 pounds, or so I recall. But I'm only 5' 5" and could probably get down to 140-145 with the correct motivation. My senior year of college at my most consistently thinnest, I weighed between 128 and 140. So I totally get you.

I'm fat, not unattractive.

[BKLYNgal87 503]

I think they are trying to be nice, rather aggressively it seems. Almost nobody said "you don't need it" to me before I got surgery. But now that the weight loss has slowed and I'm down 70 lbs people are saying "well you can stay as you are - you look great". NO - I'm still obese! BMI not even 30 yet! I still have a ways to go, so I just try and brush that commentary off because I won't be happy until I'm at goal. Don't despair - you're going to lose a bunch of weight and then people will look at you and say to themselves ohh, this was a good decision she made.

[tami j 277]

Yes I get the I don't see it's too. I am mostly proportionate all over... But 100 pounds overweight! One of my best friends doesn't believe me. I take the compliments when I can get them!

I also can look in mirror all dressed up for special occasion and feel beautiful and confident, then I see a photo later and wonder where all that confidence came from? I guess I am secure in my relationships be it family, friends that I have more to offer than my appearance and maybe that is where the "damn, I look good!" Comes from?

I have thought about wls for nearly two years and finally am doing it! So no matter what anyone says or can't believe I need that- I know that I am doing what I want to and what is right for me!

Now to look at a photo of myself 6 months to a year from now and say "damn, I look good!" Will be awesome!

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I heard the same. At 5.3 and 264 pounds? Really? I will say I am very hourglass shaped and I fatten up evenly everywhere, so at my largest, I was sizes smaller than many people my height and weight.

But no. I was fat. Like a cow. Like a huge honking moo cow.

[Fluffnomore 1,235]

Yes, I have the proportional thing going for me too. OTOH, I've lost almost 4 inches from my waist and like 1 from everywhere else.

I think in 6-8 months it will be obvious that this was necessary. Even to me; I struggle with that question sometimes even though I did it, LOL.

[jennybgenius 16]

I kept my decision to get the surgery confined to a few people, that understood my reasons while i researched and found my surgeon. Then when i was SET on having the surgery i told the others in my life. I got the same reaction of "you are not big enough to need that" HAHAHAHA then i told them OH REALLY??? Guess my wieght. (they thought about 100 pounds lighter than i was) I told them i carry myself and my weight very well and you may not see it, but MEDICALLY and PERSONALLY i am FAT. it is a personal decision that isnt taken lightly.

I am being put under on a surgical table. spending a buttload of my money. and drastically changing my eating habits....because i am just dylusional

haha. Totally!

[Seela 1,187]

Well! I'm glad it's not just me! It seems that everyone that posted here has something in common, we are all proportionate. I figure that's why you can't really see my loss yet too. Funny thing, in the am I'm 5'5, after being on my feet all day I'm 5'4 started at 250lbs.. Conclusion. .. people are weird

[Simpley_ke 201]

I definitely understand ... I hear that all the time or "just do it the old fashion way , and cut out carbs and exercise" !! But being 19 years old at 275.5 and highest at 283 , and a list of health issues I think this was the BEST thing I ever decided .. I think people say this because they don't really know what goes on. Just because on a good day I can wear a 14 and a bad day 16 doesn't mean I'm healthy . My weight just doesn't look what it is because I am 5 ft 7 ..

[Shazam 517]

I totally feel ya. I probably needed to loose about 130-150 lbs. and since I've lost quite a bit, now people are saying "you're are next to nothing now ". Little do they know I still have about 60lbs to go.

It almost seems to me , some people do not want you to be successful. It would mean that you are strong, or possibly stronger than them. And no one wants anyone stronger than themselves. It would mean that they might be weak.

Sometimes I watch people eat and what they eat, and now it makes me cringe. Because I used to eat like that and I can't anymore. And when they eat garbage, they want people to eat crap with them. They don't want to be alone eating bad foods. Sit back and watch one day, it's weird.

Anyhow, I hate when people give me their judgements. They don't know what they are talking about. Only we know what is good for us.

[Jasie 17]

I feel the same way. I am 5.9 and hide it well. Always get your not fat. Trust me I see myself nude not them. All that is going to change

[Cabingirl 55]

I don't wish to minimize our obesity, but to say that what we are hearing isn't so much about our obesity.

I think that many people don't know what to respond to when we tell them we are having WLS. They don't want to say "good move, you really need it!" I think that many of our friends who care about us do not define us by our obesity, and that is a good thing. It's no different than with race, or someone who has a disfiguring feature -- they see us as us, and not different from them in what we think of as a negative way.

[Fluffnomore 1,235]

Maybe, and that would be the best case scenario. But I also think that it is because people have the idea that only if you're at a certain weight (and most people can't define that weight in their heads) should you be thinking about this. My good friend who started about 20 pounds more than me didn't get "Oh, you shouldn't do that" from people, and she had a friend who was maybe 50-100 pounds more than her. Same thing. People congratulated her for taking control.

I don't know...

[Jenny12 361]

I tend to lean towards many people just don't know what to say when you say you are going to have WLS. In fact, I think inside their heads, they're probably thinking we are quite fat. It just isn't comfortable for them to say "good for you! You're a cow, this will do you some good!" It isnt everyday someone tells them they are having surgery to lose weight. Just my opinion.

[lsereno 2,525]

One of the OR nurses told me that and tons of other people. To them, I'd like to say "pick up 100 lbs walk around for a few days and then tell he all about it." But what I said and stuck to was "my doctor and I have decided this is the best option for me. "

Lynda