I need Help to Help my wife with her Big 0's

[Carlene 12]

Me too! What a friggin jerk! Was the "caregiver" quite a bit younger?

No, the caretaker is about his same age, but Mrs P was 14 years older than him. Mrs P, BTW, was very reluctant to marry him in the first place, due to the age difference. HE pursued HER. It was actually one of the most romantic stories I've ever heard.

Boy from NY joins the AF and gets sent to Phoenix for four years. He meets a divorced mom with two sons and falls in love. Begs her to marry him. She says "no", she's too old, etc. His parents (boy is an only child) are LIVID that he would consider such a thing (no chance of grandchildren, thinks she's a gold-digger, etc). So after he gets out of the service, he goes home. He's miserable. He flies back to Phoenix, doesn't tell anyone, shows up at her house, and finds her preparing for a date.

He picks up the phone, hands it to her, and says, "Call him and tell him you're not going out with him - ever."

She says, "Why should I?"

And he answers, "Because I came back to marry you, and I won't leave Phoenix without you."

They were married over 40 years. His parents never accepted her. They forgave him, more or less, but they hated Mrs P until the day they died.

[StephC 0]

Life takes many turns - sad isn't it that such a great love could turn so sour? I wonder if he did all that out of grief for a lost love?

[Carlene 12]

Life takes many turns - sad isn't it that such a great love could turn so sour? I wonder if he did all that out of grief for a lost love?

You think maybe he cheated out of grief for his sick wife????? Sorry, I'm not buying it.

[BJean 16]

Good Lord Carlene!! I'll bet Mr. P gets exactly what's coming to him. And I'll bet it isn't going to end up pretty.

How exactly can his wife have wound up with two broken hips when she had a "caregiver?"

When I first read some of this story, I felt sorry for Mr. P because I to thought he might be grieving and coping the only way he could. Now that I hear more of the story, I have no pity for the dude. I can't believe he dissed his wife that way after she died. It's bad enough he'd already taken up with another woman, but the least he could do was respect his wife and the years they were together by giving her a proper funeral and burial.

He's a poor lost soul, I'm afraid. His happiness with the new chick is going to last about as long as the money holds out. And if the new chick is as good as it sounds like she is, it won't take long for her to clean him out.

[Angie38 1]

That makes me sad. Your right is sounds so wonderful. Maybe their life together was just as wonderful and towards the end he feared being alone. I hate to make excuses for him. Maybe he was a cheater all along and she stayed with him, like so many women do, for the security.

[Carlene 12]

That makes me sad. Your right is sounds so wonderful. Maybe their life together was just as wonderful and towards the end he feared being alone. I hate to make excuses for him. Maybe he was a cheater all along and she stayed with him, like so many women do, for the security.

You know, I would probably think that too, but for the fact that he and my DH have been friends for over 40 years and DH swears Mr P NEVER cheated. The years that I knew them as a couple, he was the perfect example of what a good husband should be.

During most of her illness (right up until the GF had been coming to the house every day for a while) he was the kindest, most wonderful spouse you could imagine.

I wouldn't have been more surprised to find out Santa Claus was a junkie.

[lisah25 3]

When I first read some of this story, I felt sorry for Mr. P because I to thought he might be grieving and coping the only way he could. Now that I hear more of the story, I have no pity for the dude. I can't believe he dissed his wife that way after she died. It's bad enough he'd already taken up with another woman, but the least he could do was respect his wife and the years they were together by giving her a proper funeral and burial.

I did too, at first I thought he was just reacting badly to his wife's illness. But now, holy crap. I wonder if the funeral thing was motivated by guilt, or if he just didn't care anymore?

[Carlene 12]

They are getting married Tuesday, he just told DH today. That's 3 weeks after his wife's death.

[lisah25 3]

They are getting married Tuesday, he just told DH today. That's 3 weeks after his wife's death.

There is so much wrong with that.

[BJean 16]

Gosh Carlene, I didn't even know his wife and I want to cry for her.

[momlambert 77]

Gosh Carlene, I didn't even know his wife and I want to cry for her.

Me, too. Since he is your DH's best friend, how does he explain himself to your DH? I can't imagine he's proud of his actions.

[Carlene 12]

Me, too. Since he is your DH's best friend, how does he explain himself to your DH? I can't imagine he's proud of his actions.

He doesn't try to explain himself. He knows that some people are appalled, or as he puts it, they "don't understand". He just shrugs his shoulders and says he can't help that. When my DH told him how I felt, he said, "I'm sorry to hear that."

My DH is between a rock and a hard place. I asked him if he would think all of this was okay if it were he and I, with me being the one with the new boyfriend. Or what if it were his dad, and his mom. Would it be okay then? He said, "Of course not, but it's not me, or my mom. It's my best friend and he hasn't done anything to me, so I'm not going to hold this against him."

I have buried a spouse following a long illness, and three weeks later, I was an open wound. I was barely able to return to work, let alone get married. I keep wondering, what happened to that grieving process? Did he just not have one? And how is that possible, after 40 years of marriage?

[green 6]

Mister P's new broad sounds like a real shark!

[Tired_Old_Man 1]

I need to apologize for not getting back to this thread for so long.

My only excuse is that I have been having a hard time with the anti-depressant that the neurologist put me on. I have had no energy and have been unable to motivate myself except to do what I need to do to keep Tina and I happy together. I have not been on the computer except to enter my receipts into Quicken for the past two weeks or so. I have not even been coming to LBT to read threads.

Tina's mother wound up back in the hospital, dehydrated and with another urinary tract infection. She was taken to the hospital the afternoon of the day Tina flew back home to me, but Tina's brother did not call to tell her until 2 days later.

As I mentioned earlier, Tina loved the yard work, so next morning while she was still in a good mood, I treated her like she was my 20 year old “Sex Toy”, which almost killed my “one month shy of 62 year old body”, but it was worth it for both of us. Sex is not everything, but when combined with love and caring, it is a wonderful thing. The rest of the day was spent cuddling and then going out to dinner.< /p>

I have a little confession to make; I didn't quite finish the yard work, because of unexpected rain and the day I wasted running around between doctor's offices, but that worked to my advantage because when Tina came out to help me and saw how much work was involved, she realized how much I must love her to crank this old body up every day to do so much by myself. She was able to help me by driving the truck forward as I shoveled rock out of the pickup truck bed. The funny part is that Tina can't drive. She has had permits 3 times in her life, but never got a license, so she almost killed me a few times by almost tossing me out of the pickup bed.

She decided that she would Celebrate her after all and I mobilized myself to give her a Happy Birth-Week. I took her out to dinner every night from the Tuesday she got home until the Tuesday after her birthday. And we went to the movies a few times and to a “Play Land USA” where we played miniature golf and other games. My son and daughter-in-law had to be out of town on Saturday (her birthday), so we decided to give her a surprise on the day after. On Friday, the day before her birthday, I went to Publix and bought a few items for the house including some chips for Saturday's baby-sitting for our grand-daughter Brooklyn and I also got a carrot cake with Happy Birthday Tina on it, a “3” candle and a “9” candle and a ½ gallon of ice-cream for Saturday's surprise party and a big Carvel ice cream cake and some chips for Sunday's surprise party.

When I was checking out, I told the bagger that I had to put things in three different sets of bags. He asked why and I told him that some things were going home and it was ok for my wife to see them, some things were for a surprise party at my house ( and it was not ok for my wife to see them) and some things were for a surprise party at my son's house. He said, “That seems like an awful lot of work” and I replied, “That's why I'll be celebrating my 40th wedding anniversary in July”.

Saturday's party was a comedy of errors. I could not find any matches to light the candles. Finally I had to break down and ask Tina where the matches were. She didn't have any either, but she gave me a cigarette lighter (“Flip my Bic”) that we had bought in Brooklyn before we moved here in 2003. Well, you have probably guessed it; it would not light, so I wound up presented a birthday cake with unlit candles as Brooklyn, Rocky and I sang (and barked) “Happy Birthday”.

Tina was surprised and then Brooklyn asked “where's the big birthday cake?” to which Tina replied, “we only have a small cake because there is only you, me and grandpa”.

“But grandpa brought a big cake over to my house yesterday”.

I had to admit to Tina that I had a surprise for her the next day and after my son, daughter-in-law, Brooklyn and us went to a Japanese, Thai restaurant for dinner the next day, we had another party.

Except as I explained above, things have been ok since then. Oh, I forgot to mention getting the flu or some virus which knocked out for a few days.

[Kat817 19]

I am so glad to hear from you! It sounds like your life is as crazy as ours!

Hope the anitdepressants settle in with your system soon. My DIL is on them, and it took awhile to get to a therapuetic level, where she felt good, she was just lethargic before that.

I am glad all went well with Tina's birthday surprises. We may not always act like it, but I know personally I LOVE all the things my DH does out of the ordinary for me---or mre technically for us.

So is her Mom out and back to normal for her?

Check in with us when you get a chance. I imagine you spending time with Tina and off the computer got you bonus points too!!! It does me when I stay away from it during DH's days off---actually not me stay away, but let HIM have it!!!

Hugs to both of you----hope your health, and happiness both continue to improve.

Kat