I need Help to Help my wife with her Big 0's

[lisah25 3]

As far as Tina is concerned, I see no need to tell her that I might have something until I know that there is a higher probability. If the neurologist had told me today that I had MS or any other disease, I would have told Tina after her birthday, but since I have no real news to tell her, I will just say that he is treating me for depression. If she asks a lot of questions, I will tell her what I know, but there is no sense scaring her with unfounded information. MS conjures up some pretty strong images in many people's minds.

As far as Tina's birthday is concerned, I'm sure when she sees the yard work I did, she will be happy and last week, I went out on my minister's boat, and my minister and I brought back some blue-claw crabs (Tina's favorite) which I cooked for Tina. So after I pick her up from the airport tomorrow, I hope the yard work and crabs will perk her up and I will try to take her out to dinner on Friday, the day before her birthday and then play it by ear from there. We may have Brooklyn over on Saturday and Brooklyn might say Happy Birthday, and how can any proud Grand Ma fight that?

I agree that telling her that you may or may not have MS is probably not good right now, I would just tell her they did some tests and are now treating you for depression like you said. I'm glad you didn't get the bad news we were all hoping you didn't.

I think the BD plans sound wonderful. A yard project she's been wanting, her favorite food and a grandkid - doesn't get much better then that. Hope you all have a great time, you need it at this point!

[Kat817 19]

TOM--I have thought of you often since our conversation the other day---right after you got the call. I am so relieved it is quite as serious of a situation at this time. You say you and Tina have a different relationship than many would understand. I think many of us do. I know many of my friends are appalled that a woman (especially one they knew to be very self sufficient) is satisfied to stay home and "take care of" her man! We have a very traditional (in the old sense of the word) marriage---and one I am extremely happy in. I have no issue with him being the MAN of the house, because I know in being such, he will just as you have been---putting me and my thoughts, dreams and hopes first.

Listening to what you say about Tina, she is much like my Mom, emotionally. My first reaction to you was how I would want it handled with me. That is irrelevent! After thinking about how I would advise my Dad to tell my Mom (just temperment comparisons---not age!!!), I would have ended up suggesting just exactly what you decided!! I realize that doesn't matter a whit to you---but my point is, I am glad you stuck to your guns, regardless of all of us telling you to TELL her....job well done! There is a reason so many people look up to you here.

I think the yard work being a surprise to her today, will be a great birthday present. Holding her and letting her release all the emotions she built up on the difficult visit with her Mom will also be helpful to her. Another advantage to seeing you take meds for depression, may be that she would be more open to doing the same, which could help her in what is ahead with her Mom.

I wish you continued good health, a happy reunion with your wife on her special day----and a quick recovery for your aching muscles!!!!

Kat

[Carlene 12]

How about some pictures of the new landscaping?

[Tired_Old_Man 1]

Tina loved the yard work. She just about melted when she saw it. :hug:

More to follow.

Thanks for all the good wishes.

[TommyO 5]

TOM, I would say that the yard work was a great idea but telling Tina that while she was away you and the minister went out and caught crabs may not go over so well.

As the old fisherman said, "Don't wait up for the Lobster boats honey, I'm coming home with the crabs".

Cheers

TommyO

[lisah25 3]

Tina loved the yard work. She just about melted when she saw it. :hug:

More to follow.

Thanks for all the good wishes.

Woo-hoo! I'm glad - hope all is going well.

[momlambert 77]

Tina loved the yard work. She just about melted when she saw it. :hug:

More to follow.

Thanks for all the good wishes.

I knew it! Good job, Tom. How could she not melt? Happy days! Karen

[BJean 16]

TommyO thanks a bunch for a good laugh!!!:heh: :heh: :heh:

[Angie38 1]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tired_Old_Man

Tina loved the yard work. She just about melted when she saw it. :hug:

More to follow.

Thanks for all the good wishes.

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Wow TOM,

I have been reading your posts for three days. I started at the begining and today I made it to the end. It was like reading a novel. I would come to work and any free time I have, I am on this webpage reading the next post and the next bit of advice... I am addicted to you and Tina! Your love affair reminds me of the movie The Notebook. Has anyone seen that movie? It is my favorite. Anyway, I have read these posts for three days and have not posted because I HAD to see how it turned out. Like all the other folks posting you have really been in my thoughts. You have a lot of people out here in cyberland pulling for you and for Tina. :clap2:

Now that we have completed one hurdle on your journey, (Tina home and happy) you need to keep us all posted on the others.

Angie

[Carlene 12]

Your love affair reminds me of the movie The Notebook. Has anyone seen that movie?

Angie

I loved The Notebook. But then my DH's friend (the infamous Mr P) ruined it for me. When I saw the movie, I thought Mr P WAS the James Garner character. How very wrong I was.

[BJean 16]

So your DH's friend, whose wife is ill, and he's having a thing with her nurse, is still an ongoing mess?

[Carlene 12]

So your DH's friend, whose wife is ill, and he's having a thing with her nurse, is still an ongoing mess?

Oh, BJ....where have you been? Mrs P passed away March 19th. There was no funeral - just a private closed-casket "viewing" - by invitation only. No obit and no one accompanied the body to the cemetery. Mrs P's brother was not even notified of her death until several days after the fact.

Four days after the "funeral", Mr P proposed to the live-in GF/"caregiver".

[Angie38 1]

Four days after the "funeral", Mr P proposed to the live-in GF/"caregiver".

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Oh that makes me MAD:angry ! Can you imagine. Anyway did Mr. P hire that nurse? I am just wondering if the affair was started before she was the nurse or after! Did Mrs. P know about the affair?

[Carlene 12]

Four days after the "funeral", Mr P proposed to the live-in GF/"caregiver".

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Oh that makes me MAD:angry ! Can you imagine. Anyway did Mr. P hire that nurse? I am just wondering if the affair was started before she was the nurse or after! Did Mrs. P know about the affair?

Mr. P hired the caregiver. She isn't a nurse. She did private "companion" work for individuals who could not stay alone - usually elderly.

Mrs. P had advanced Parkinson's and the dementia that sometimes goes with it. While she was in the first nursing home, Mr P hired a "sitter" who reportedly told Mrs P that her husband had a girlfriend. If she understood at all, she never knew who it was. She continued to be glad to see the GF every time Mr P brought her with him to visit his wife.

I have wondered the same thing....did the affair start BEFORE Mrs P was sent away? Were they having sex in the guest room while Mrs P napped? Mr P told my husband that it did not, but since when can you believe an adulterer?

I do know this.....Mrs P's condition worsened dramatically about six months before she was moved to the home. She fell several times - always while she was being "helped" from one place to another by the caregiver and always while Mr P was away from the house. She broke one hip, then the other. The caregiver also told Mr P that money was missing from her purse ($400) and she suspected that Mrs P had taken it. Mr P replaced it, of course.

Mr P bought the caregiver a brand new car a few months before they went public with their relationship. His story was that he was only "financing" it for her and she was paying him back out of what he paid her. He loaned her money for a computer and a digital camera. Within six months, she claimed her apartment was burglarized and they were stolen. Mr P replaced the items.

I hope she takes him for every dime he's got and he ends up homeless, under a bridge.

[Angie38 1]

I hope she takes him for every dime he's got and he ends up homeless, under a bridge.

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Me too! What a friggin jerk! Was the "caregiver" quite a bit younger?