Reluctant Spouse

[GREATFUL 24]

Hello Everyone,

Fairly new, been looking around for about a week. The more I reasearh this, the more I am convienced that the band is the best option for me. I have enjoyed reading all of the threads, and appreciate all of you sharing your experiences, pitfalls and successes. I am glad I found this place.

I am starting the process. I have call my insurance, looks like it will be covered, have requested that in writing. I have scheduled to attend a seminar on March 21. I have an appointment with Gyno Doc today, so will get his opinion if this is for me. Will make an appointment with my GP after that. I just have one problem and was wondering if anyone else has any suggestions. My husband is not 100% on board with this. Has anyone else had to convience a reluctent spouse that this is what needs to be done? I know I will need his support in order to succeed with this. I know it is a life changing event. We have only been married for 2 years, I know he loves me the way I am. I know he is hesitant because he is worried for my safety. I know I need to do something, have tried diet after diet. Heck, been on 4 diffrent ones since we married and am 20lbs heavier, shows what a yo-yo problem I have. I am 43 years old, I am now at 220 lbs and just want to be healthy, and feel good and enjoy the rest of my life with this wonderful man. Any suggetions?

[marys 2]

My boyfriend of 14 years is my primary support as we live together, etc (and I didn't tell anyone else except one friend) Anyway, he was initially oppossed esp since I was going to mexico -he is very analytical and I found him several websites - medical - that had videos of the procedure and general information. I went to Dr. Ortiz so I got his book which my boyfriend read and checked out his credentials and website.

He pretty quickly came on board 100% in his support of me and feeling better about the procedure - He even talked to the doctor and told me he felt it was safe, etc. He cautioned me he thought the surgery would end up being the 'easy' part and asked me to think long and hard about the changes it would bring to my life.

In the end he was so right - I was 98% concerned with surviving the surgery and having 'an implant' and only 2% worried about living with this band. It has been quite a challenge and learning experience having a band.

It sounds like your guy is rightly concerned about you and hopefully is open to you going through with the band - try to keep communication open and see if you can include him in appointments and help get him information - good luck.

[catfish 0]

Impope,

I have been married for 14 years. I was banded on September 26, 2006. At first my husband was not for the idea........I to tried to explain the process and went over everything with him.......to no avail......so I started the process without his support. Once he realized that I was going to do this with or without his help, he slowly came around. I have even want as far as making arrangments for a friend of my to pick me up from the hospital the next day after surgery. Thats when he came around....I also told him I would have my mom come out the stay for a week to help me.....after that he was very supportive. (he doesn't want to have to deal with my mom for a week). After I came out of surgery and he saw me, he was fine. I think they just get really scared about something happening to us and being left alone. Now he is very supportive. I lucky because my husband knows once I set my mind to something there is no stopping me. So he generally comes on board.

Hope that helps.

Catfish(Lisa)

[lisah25 3]

I was relucant when DH got his band. I was worried that he would die in surgery, or have huge problems afterwards. We were self-pay and I was concerned about paying all that money, and him not losing.

Well, he survived surgery(this is such a low-risk surgery) and is healthy now. He's lost about 100 pounds, but still has about 60 to go, and has been in the same place for a long time. He's not really following the guidelines, but he hasn't regained, so I'm OK with it.

I think not knowing what we were getting into was the biggest problem. So if your hubby can go to meetings with you, seminars, even read on boards like this, that might help re-assure him?

[ShineOn 0]

I am going through the exact same thing at home. My husband's biggest fear is me having to have surgery, despite the low risk, its still hard for him. I also lost 120 pounds on my own in the past and so he doesn't understand why I can't just do it on my own again. However, he is coming around slowly. I am hoping post surgery will be easier because we will be past the scarry part. Take care!

[maziemommy 8]

I'm listening, but can offer no advice here.

But, I'm still listening so keep advising....I also have a ...less than enthusiastic DH. I am self-pay (not easy for our family) and the extent of his support seems to be..signing loan papers... and using the word support a couple of times! If that's all I get I'll take it!!! I'm hoping for more eventually. Things would be easier with his "help". But, I'm just hoping he can keep his junk food in the work truck. He says "Why should I be penalized/punished because you want to change?"

Shucks....I still love him anyway

Best of luck and success with band (and spouse)!!

[GREATFUL 24]

Thank you all so much for your support. God I just love this place!

[GREATFUL 24]

Hey,

Thank you all for your words of support. I did sit my Hubby down. We talked about his fears and concerns. They were all valid, but he had not researched as I had. Come to find out they were a lot of the same ones I had when I started this process. So, we went online, looked up alot of things. Now, he is 100% on board. YEA YEA YEA. I am insured thru his work, he offered to talk to HR to make sure I had all I need to get the insurance appproved. He also talked to a lady at his work who had WLS, and she told him that it was the best thing that ever happened to her. I found out that talking is the best thing. He wants the best for me, and me being healthy and feeling better about myself is also best for him. It feels great knowing now that he is on board becasue I know that I will need his support to make this a success. I go to my seminar next week. And will make an appointment with the surgen after that. So I am on my way. Can't wait, so excited!!!

[maziemommy 8]

LauraP go girl!!! That sounds great, nothing better than those we love, loving what we want!!! Good luck and keep us updated all the way!

[ChinaMom 0]

has he been to any seminars with you? doctors office consults? he needs to so he can see for himself that it's OK.

listen, my husband and I had five years of infertilty treatment. he was a pretty reluctant participate in the whole thing. he had this backward idea that if you couldn't get pregnant on your own then God didn't intend for you to. I think that sprung from his mother, who thought fat people should not be parents. yep. then, adoption, he refused to consider it, said I was to prone to depression. my shrink said I was find to adopt. he wouldn't listen. so after a year of THAT game, I just gave him an ultimatum. go to an adoption seminar or I'm doing it ALONE. he went to the adoption seminar and the rest is history. you'd think it was all HIS idea. unfortunately he got cancer and died after the adoption. isn't that a weird bunch of irony?

anyway, my point, being, I think sometimes a spouse is reluctant because they're uninformed. Get him informed. and don't place nice. I mean, be nice, but but assertive . . .

best of luck.

Karen

p.s. sometimes in a way I really miss having him to bounce things off of, I miss having someone to make decisions WITH, sometimes I'm glad to do what I think is best without getting someone else's opinion - it's making me more strong, more independent.

[RKidder 0]

My dear, sweet, husband David has always been supportive of me since day 1. When we met, I weighed 222# (at 5'2"). He has always been very fit. When we were engaged to be married 2 yrs ago, I became very ill, and was on a ventilator for 12 days in ICU. He was by my side every single day. I survived, we were married 6 months later. When I discussed my goal to finally lose the weight and become healthier, he did not cast judgement. He asked questions, came to support meetings, and met my surgeon. He has always told me he loves the "inside" me, and that the outside did not matter to him. He says he wants me to feel well and be happy with how I look and feel. I am scheduled for my lapband on May 2nd. I have been very lucky -- and my David has enhanced my life tremendously! God has indeed blessed me. Keep talking with your guy, tell him how this life-saving, life-enhancing surgery will benefit you both. God-willing, he will come around. My prayers are with you.

Rachel

[ChinaMom 0]

Hi, I see your post where you sat your DH down and had a good talk and he's more understanding now. I didn't see that when I made my post. That's really great, I think it's importand that he has the same concerns you had before you did your research. That means you're thinking the same.

I have to think that if my DH were still with me he'd be supportive of this (especially since my insurance covers it - everything was about the money with him!!). He'd probably want to do it himself, he struggled with his weight.

Best of luck!

[Tater Bug 1]

My husband was also leary due to the scary issue of "it is still a surgery". He also likes me the way I am but also has learned from the past 3 1/2 years we have been married that I am honestly not happy with my self and that every failed attempt to lose weight puts added pressure on me. He was around when my mom had Gastric bypass and was really not happy about me looking into that method. Those parts that are bypassed might be needed later on and so on. he is on board with me know, he found the doctor that I am going to have surgery by. The best thing that you can do is to sit him down in front of the computer and ask him to research it.. for himself as well as you. dont tell hiim where you have gone (site speaking) then after he has had a few days of that... talk about it. What really sold my hubby on it is that I am mainly doing it for my health! Yes the part of being a smaller size is a huge benefit but the real reason behind me having the surgery done is to better my health! Fact is.. being over weight is not just about feeling bad about yourself but also about the health risks assoicated with it.

After my Ron looked into what other types of health concerns I have to look forward to if I dont do something about my weight and do something that will help me to keep it off long term... he then switched gears and helped me find my doctor. He goes with me to every appointment so that he is in the loop.. he asks questions to the doctor and as a family we all have altered our eating habits. He is one of the lucky ones that doesn't have a weight problem, never has.. is tall and slender. But he knows that if we do it as a family, I will be more apt to succeed. Ask your man to help you... that you need his help because.. you do. It will be hard enough... and if those closest to you are eager to help you, it will make things a lot easier. My husband has already started looking online and researching different activities for us to get involved in so I dont have to just do my exercises alone by walking around the block alone. He is excited about helping me, and is finding a whole new world for us to join in...and all because I asked for his help.

Its just a thought. If you want you can contact me and I can have my husband chat/email/whatnot.. with yours.

Good Luck!