Re-evaluating friendships?

[qtinkc1383840066 7]

I am scheduled for surgery Nov. 18th. This entire process from start to now has caused me to really re-evaluate people that I call friend. At this point I don't care if I end up with any. Seems that people like you better when you're doing bad. Has anyone else experienced this??

[teacherlady2133 258]

I am learning about myself and how I haven't let others know my struggles with my weight and the effects it has had on me through the years. My close friends are shocked at the things they are finding out about the hardships I face everyday. It has made them more aware if the interactions between us. I know that this decision takes a toll on friendships and changes are hard for relationships. They are afraid of the unknown and the outcomes. They don't like having to think before they interact with me. It is different for them to see me putting myself first and saying no I can't or won't.

I know I am giving them time to adjust, I am the one who has done the research.I am the one who is changing not them.

[music1618 879]

Though out this journey you will discover things about yourself - both good and bad. I feel like I have discovered who I truly am inside. Sometimes people close to us can not understand this journey. Sometimes it makes them evaluate their life and they are not ready to do so. Keep in mind that we all have roles that we play in our friendships and when someone stands up for themselves and says I am going to be healthy it threatens those roles in people's mind.

I have been lucky I did not really lose any friends over this. Everyone has been very supportive and most people say I seem so much happier now.

[Mid West 99]

People don't like change. We also put people in pigeon holes without realising we're doing it. So, when you lose weight and you're no longer 'the fattest person in the office' for example, the next person (who now is the fattest person in the office) is likely to be annoyed with you. It's the same in families and all walks of life. I lost a friend when I lost a lot of weight previously, she stopped inviting me to things, started to make sarcastic and bitchy comments, so we're no longer friends.

I have a friend now who is very angry that I had this surgery. She kept saying she hoped I'd change my mind. Now she barely speaks to me. She has her own weight issues and doesn't want to be the 'fat friend' that I have been, so I do understand it. It's human nature I'm afraid. Some people are more self aware than others and can pull themselves up on this type of behaviour and the rest we just have to ignore. To thine own self be true; do what's right for you and let everyone else deal with it in their own way :-)

[cjs_journey 19]

I have struggled with this myself - I know I'm the one making drastic changes that will affect the way I will interact in certain relationships. I'm giving those that are feeling 'anger, confusion, and threaten' a chance to get to acceptance. If they don't, I've resolved that unfortunately they will probably no longer be a part of my life.

Part of 'getting healthy' for me and my journey is finding the positive influences and ridding myself of the negative ones. To me, this all is mixed up together and I won't be successful at one if I don't work on the other.

I went to my five closest friends and began the conversation like this; "I have made a really big decision for ME, and I don't want to hear a lot of negative input. This is what is best for me now, and I'm asking for your support. I am telling very few people, but you are one of those really important people to me, and I want to share with you." . This seems to have been the right way for me...I haven't lost any close friends, and the others I'm choosing not to say anything. If they have the need to ask me, they will. This is MY choice, no one else...I had to get to that place though...it didn't happen overnight.

I, like you, was ready to lose friends if necessary. If they can't ultimately support me, they are not what I need in my life at this time. I encourage you to give your closer friends a chance to 'adjust and accept' your decision...they need the time to digest it too!

Wishing you the best...

CJ