Need some support here...

[stephjoysm 16]

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost three years now. He and his whole family are super into fitness so you can imagine my discomfort at family functions where I was the only big fat whale among a whole group of athletic gym rats. When I decided to have the surgery my boyfriend had a few questions but once he was convinced it was safe for me, he was very supportive. I just asked him not to tell anyone. Especially his judgmental mother.

His mom hates me. And I mean HATES me. And i have no idea why. I'm pretty sure that its physically painful for her to say something nice to me. She was constantly dropping hints that I needed to lose weight. If I have an opinion, no matter what it is, it's wrong because she reads more books than I do and is therefor more intelligent than I am. But which one of us has a bachelors degree? Oh right, me. The first time she met my parents she was completely rude to them too. When my boyfriend and I were still in school he played football in Montana and I was at Fresno State. My dad and I flew out to watch his game and when we got to the game, she wouldn't let us sit next to her. Then after the game my boyfriend invited us to go to dinner with them and not only did she uninvite us, she said that she wanted this weekend to be a "family weekend." So she barred me from seeing him or hanging out with them. She is very complementary to her daughters boyfriend even though he is 20 years older than her. In fact she is very complementary to everyone who isn't me especially in front of me. They make family vacation plans and she makes sure to include her daughters boyfriends but not me. I could go on for hours about things she does but I think you understand how unpleasant she is.

Anyway my boyfriend finally admitted to me that he let it slip that I had the surgery. His mom and sister totally attacked my decision. His sister is a personal trainer so she went on the whole "that's a cheaters way out, why didnt she just work out? She would have been happier losing weight on her own." route that I'm sure we have all heard.

And to that I say, I don't regret my decision at all. I am happy with my surgery and news flash, I AM doing this on my own. I do watch what I eat and exercise. I just have a secret weapon now. And I think I've done awesome. I'm just a little under 4 months out and I've lost 67 pounds and 25 inches all around my body.

And now on to the response of my favorite person. My boyfriend's mom told him that I am lazy for doing this surgery and i should not have done it and I will never be good enough for him because I just give up and look for a quick fix to my problems and that's not the kind of woman she wants for him.

M

But what do I do now? I need some advice from my support group. And thanks for reading this whole thing, I know it was a mile long.

[TurnThePage 220]

Well, isn't she a b*tch! I'm so sorry you have to deal with her, but it is long past time for your boyfriend to stand up and act like a man and tell his mother to stop her egregious behavior towards you. Now. Permanently.

He needs to tell her (1) he fully supports your decision to have surgery, (2) thinks you are brilliant and strong for taking responsibility for your health and well being, (3) she and her daughter are wrong about it being the easy way out, and (4) he will decide which woman is right for him, not her.

Being an adult means you stand up for yourself and especially for those you love. If he will not put this disrespect by his family to an end, you need to move on because your life will be unbearable if your marry into this family and their attitudes do not change (not just the window dressing either). You will find yourself disrespecting him and resenting the fact that he is not looking out for your best interests and happiness. The mother and personal trainer sister could both stand to be educated about the challenges and rewards of WLS, especially the sister who is in a business impacted by WLS. But the fundamental problem here is not the mother, but her son who is not giving you the respect and support you need (and the love you deserve) by standing up for you--and with you.

All best wishes for you on your journey. You've taken a brave step to secure your future health and happiness. Stay strong and don't let the tiny-minded people dissuade you from your dreams!!

Feel free to print this out and hand it to your BF.

[Shannon Mcmanus 32]

I AGREE, IT'S HIS JOB TO STAND UP TO HIS FAMILY FOR YOU, JUST AS YOU WOULD STAND UP TO YOUR FAMILY FOR HIM.

[rlm34 42]

I'm assuming your boyfriend is her only son? Sounds like a serious case of a mother's attachment to her son gone wrong. She is most likely very jealous that you have her "little boy's" attention and time. There would probably be no woman deemed suitable in her eyes.

I do agree that your boyfriend needs to have your back over this. He needs to stand up for the woman he loves and let his mother know that carrying on like a vicious bully will not be tolerated.

I have kept my surgery to myself (except for my partner and my own mother) for fear of reactions like you've received. Not so much fear, but I can't be bothered with all the prejudice and cruel jibes some people feel they need to say. I have prepared myself though, if someone lets it slip.

You've given yourself a gift that will enable you to become healthy. I don't imagine any explanation of how WLS is NOT the easy way out, would change the ingrained attitudes of your boyfriend's mother and sister. I feel for you and hope your man stands strong by your side in regards to them.

Part if me just wants to say "What b**ches!"

Congrats on your loss so far. :-)

Rachel

[music1618 879]

My advise will be a little different. I married the first born male son in a Hispanic catholic household. When I met him his family had decided he was never getting married and could take care of mom the rest of his life. His mom in my opinion consider him her husband.

I was doomed - but realized it had nothing really to do with me it was any woman that came into his life. She has told him she did not like me at the beginning and tried many ways to split us up. My husband was wonderful he stood up to her when he needed to, but let her rant when it did not matter.

We have been married 10 years and together for 13. Through the years I have had a lot of trouble with my MIL. However I had two choices let her run me off and miss out on the love of my life, or tough it out.

Finally about 2 years ago things changed. She got sick and I was the one who helped her out, and I think she finally realized I was not going anywhere. My love for her son was true, and that I made him happy. She still drives me nuts, but that is what families do!

Is it wrong what she said - yes, but you need to look at your boyfriend in this matter as well. If he is not standing up for you that's a problem. It was wrong of him to tell them what you have done when you asked him not to.

Finally time to put your big girl panties on and decide is this man worth the issues with his mother and sisters. If it is yes than you need to start accepting them or them, and have some long conversations with your boyfriend.

[TurnThePage 220]

Music, you are a wise woman and I applaud you and your husband for picking your battles with his mother. He sounds like a great guy.

Unfortunately, the poster's boyfriend has not stood up to his overbearing mother on her behalf for the 3 years they have been together. That's a track record and not a good one. If he's the one, I hope they can work it out.

[stephjoysm 16]

Thank you so much everyone. I really appreciate your advice and support. I knew I could count on this group of people for someone to lean on.

[stephjoysm 16]

Thank you so much everyone. I really appreciate your advice and support. I knew I could count on this group of people for someone to lean on.

[TurnThePage 220]

Just want to add that I think you are very strong and, well, amazing for going ahead with the surgery in light of the mom-obstacle you face! Get healthy and be happy!

[lisalisalisa 54]

I know you don't want to hear it but these people are right. You bf should be standing up for you. If he won't, no matter how you feel about it now, you will grow to resent him. You can't have a serious relationship with a man who lets his family abuse you. It will come between you and make you miserable. She is a Bitch, no doubt, but your bf needs to step up and be a man here.