Hubby and I am back and forth about getting a RNY, your Opinions?

[meyouus 415]

I'm seriously considering RNY. I've now had a band that is 5 years old, unfilled and useless. My BMI is 55. I'm in a bad place. My husband is reluctant to see me go through the "diets", "life changes", "surgery" again. He saw me through the band surgery and two separate surgeries for total knee replacements, He doesn't want me to have WLS again because it completely disrupts his/our order of things. He also saw me eventually give up on the South Beach diet that my surgeon puts his patient's on. Does he have a point as far as my food addiction goes? With the Band I was "sober", then I fell off the wagon. All that work and money down the drain. He's afraid I can't do the RNY diet, okay, point taken but I WANT the strictness of the RNY lifestyle. When I was "sober", I ate SO well, I studied everything I put in my mouth. But when my band was too full years ago, or not full enough, I grew angry at myself because the band never made me full. Just made me sick all the time. With the RNY, there's a strict, similar, diet to adhere to. I can do it, my hubby just doesn't think I can do it again. How can I convince him that this is the right path for me? He's all I have in this world. I've hit rock bottom, never been such a slave to my weight as I am now. I want to be a success, like you guys, no matter how hard the work may be.

[TurnThePage 220]

Three cheers for your courage and determination to improve your health and lead a long happy life!

He doesn't want me to have WLS again because it completely disrupts his/our order of things. Gee, hubby, your wife is willing to undergo major surgery and life changes to be healthy and you're upset because it will disrupt your life??? Get a grip, man. How much do you think it will disrupt your family life if she has a heart attack or is disabled or dies years before her time because she doesn't take this step? Ask your doctor what her risks are currently versus surgical risks and I promise you it will bowl you over. Loving someone some times requires you to go above and beyond your normal routine to assure their health and happiness.

Now that said, my friend, you do have some significant challenges ahead given your history. You have to be realistic about some of the reported restrictions of RNY. Only about 30% of people dump and you can overeat and stretch your pouch out over time. It is a tool, but it has to be used wisely. But if you really can commit to the daily, lifelong changes RNY involves, it can be a true gift. A good place to start might be in therapy with someone who specializes in weight loss and food addictions. Cognitive therapy is especially good at turning around distorted thinking patterns. If you can really turn your thoughts and beliefs around, your chances of success will soar. Your husband will be able to clearly see that this time around will be different and you will not only loose most of your excess weight, but be able to maintain your loss. Your therapist may suggest a few sessions with you and your husband so you can be on the same page.

RNY is not a magic bullet. The surgery is just the tip of the iceberg---the 'head work' takes a lot of focus and effort, every day for the rest of your life. It is easier if you can get your head on straight and accept the changes and commit to the process in the very beginning. But when you do the work, the joy of being able to fully participate in life as you grow healthier is amazing! Wishing you all the best on your journey!