this is so hard

[Monica S 1]

Hi everyone, I am about 15 months out of surgery, and feel very discouraged. I have lost 13 lbs. in all and have about 120 left to go. I don't feel the band helps me because I don't eat out of hunger, I am an emotional eater and the band doesn't do anything for your emotions. I recently met with my doctor and am trying to willpower my way through. But it makes me so sad and I really feel like a failure. I mean, who but me has bariatric surgery and then doesn't lose weight? If I could tell you how people who know about my surgery look at me...mix of disgust, pity and amazement.

I am seeing a therapist, and I am spending time on eating disorders recovery websites (something fishy is really good). I feel sure now that I have an eating disorder. I had it before I was banded but didn't know it until I realized that my hunger level has nothing to do with how much I want to eat. So now I'm like, Oh, I have an eating disorder, not a hunger problem, and thinking that the whole band thing was a big mistake for me. I vomit a lot, but keep eating. I just throw up, eat more, throw up, eat more, and so on. It really sucks.

I just feel really bad about myself right now. Like a total failure. And ashamed, and embarrassed, and alone. I even feel alone in regretting getting the band. I don't know what I'm looking for here, just thought I'd put myself out there and hope that the universe comes together to support me.

[Turner24 0]

I am so sorry you are struggling!:girl_hug: I also emotionally eat and struggle w/that; but not to the point you describe. Hang in there:o Hopefully the counselor can help you through this and you can then effectively work w/ the band.

My best wishes and prayers for you!

Turner24

[ralheit 1]

I think many on here are in the same boat. Emotional eating is difficult. I've been struggling with it lately. All I can say is hang in there and hopefully everything you are trying to do for yourself will work out for the best.

[libra 13]

As has been said before, the band is only a tool. Emotional eating, which I do as well, is something you need to deal with. It looks like you're taking the proper steps though, so good luck to you.

[Victoriana 10]

There are a lot of us who didnt reallize at first that we were emotionally eating so much.

Counseling with a good therapist will help. Some of us need antidepressanta, some need anti compulsive drusg as eating can become a obsessional compulsive disorder and there are others that need nutritional help because of sugar cravings. (Candida overuns and the like)

I would encourage you to keep the band and seek counseling as well. Is there a supporrt group for bandsters near where you live?

There are many steps to weight loss. Be proud of yourself for starting the process, and I would suggest that you keep you band, as one of the puzzle pieces that is already in place. I believe you will learn so much more about yourself. Getting the band in plalce is a big step and It is a very sane wls.

Please dont undo what you have already done, stay in the fight, and we want you to stay with us, thats what this website is all about.

Hold you head hi and know you are on the beginning of a journey, we all start is somewhere, you will do better as you know better!!!

Overweight problems are hardly ever just one thing. The problem is usually a combination of things, not just black or white answers. You will learn how to integrate the good and bad things and reconcile yourself to many pitfalls that look as though the answer is all or nothing aproach. (I call that ants in the brain, All,or Nothing Thinking) so I want to encourage you to press on, the best changes one can make are the hard ones, the easy ones dont mean as much! You do good.

[waterlily1072 5]

I too eat for emotional reasons. But for me the band stops me from doing too much damage and I don't do it all the time. I agree the band is only a tool and many people need counselling to help them use that tool to its potential. I think you are doing the right thing to seek help. A counselor might really be the answer for you. Good luck and chin up :girl_hug: Where would you be today if you hadn't gotten banded. I would have probably gained at least 20lbs by now, maybe even more.

[gentlespirit 1]

I wish you were close enough for a hug...we all need them sometimes. And I also eat for emotional reasons, so I understand what you're going through. The band has helped me, as Molly said, not to fall TOO far from where I should be because it makes it physically impossible to just stuff myself no matter how bad I'm feeling! I've been thinking that maybe I should get back into counseling regarding why I always think eating that chocolate or whatever will help me feel better.

An example: My 26 year old son was hospitalized on Friday because they thought he was having a heart attack. He has Type I diabetes which predisposes for cardiac problems and we were really stressed out as they were preparing him for the cardiac angiogram. So while he was having that done I ate 3 candy bars...why did I think that would help?!

I get really frustrated with myself, too. But I hope your counselor will be able to help you get to the root of the problem. Best of luck to you!

Emily

[Monica S 1]

Thank you so much for the support. I haven't found the answer yet, but just trying not to eat when I'm not hungry. The band works for food like burgers and fries, but ice cream and chocolate (my problem foods) are like liquids and the band doesn't help. It's so funny, gentlespirit, but if I were faced with a stressful situation like that with your son, I would turn to chocolate too! And it WOULD make me feel better! If anyone finds a way out of this cycle, I would be so grateful to hear about it.

[juliegeraci 7]

Monica, it sounds like you are eating through the band. . Have you considered a fill? Just a thought to give you some more restriction. Good that you are going to therapy. I hope that helps you. Good luck.

[Jachut 487]

I think if you can find the emotional and psychological support you need, the band will work for you! Its just there waiting for you to be ready. I really hope you are able to overcome this. But its there waiting till you're ready to use it so please dont think of it as a failure.

Have you had fills etc? The band has helped enomrously with my emotional eating - or more correctly boredom eating - but I guess there's degrees of being afflicted, and perhaps I was lucky.

[Monica S 1]

Thanks for the advice. Yes, I have had fills. I am now at 3.2 ccs in a 4 cc band. I still need another fill, though, and plan to get one soon. Yes, I eat around the band, and it is easy for me to do so. The foods I eat are liquids, like ice cream and chocolate. I try and try not to do it but I keep messing up. I want to be a better bandster, I want to do it right. I just don't know anymore if I can. My self-efficacy is quite low at the moment. I am happy for you, Jack, that you have found a way to overcome your overeating. I hope that one day I'm able to do the same thing. I'm not giving up, but that's all I'm able to promise at the moment.

[DollyRose 0]

Yes, I eat around the band, and it is easy for me to do so. The foods I eat are liquids, like ice cream and chocolate. I try and try not to do it but I keep messing up.

Hey, even the strongest people fall off the wagon from time to time. It doesn't matter if your addiction is alcohol, drugs, shopping, or food. I think you have made the most important step, realizing what you are doing that causes you not to lose weight! Hey, just about everything you put in your mouth will eventually turn to mush, decide what you can do without and then don't buy it. Once you get over that item, move on to the next.

My weakness is bread, sourdough bread, and crackers. The last day I shove a piece of bread or a cracker in my mouth will be April 26th. I have a consult with Dr. K and that will be the day I pull the $$$ out of my retirement account to pay for the surgery and the day I start my pre-op diet. I simply will not put bread or crackers in my shopping cart. Ha, simply, yeah, right! It won't be easy and I can tell you right now that there will be more than once that I pick up a box of wheat thins and then put it right back on the shelf, I'll be thinking of my health and how much better I will feel getting back on my show horses while fighting a cracker.

Nobody ever said weight loss was easy, well, nobody overweight said it was easy... put on your boxing gloves and smack down that piece of chocolate!

DollyRose

[Poodles 0]

Monica, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I am a sugar addict. I can get off of it for a while, and then like a junky searching for crack, I go to get my next "fix". I have even started hiding food from my husband... which is really bad, and something I have not done in the past 13 years we have been married. But I hate the disappointed look he gives me when I take a Pringle, or eat ice cream, I feel like a total failure too. But I have found that IF I can make it to day four totally off sugar, I can go for YEARS (Literally, I have done it before) without it. But one slip, and I am off again. I can not have one bite of bread/sugar/candy/ice cream/etc or the old addiction comes up. I have even thought about needing a week long rehab program for myself, but I don't think those exist.

IF you can start low carb before your fill, get the fill, and then stay low carb for three days after the fill, you may have a chance. That is what I do, and that is why I am going for a fill on Monday. I MUST lose weight before my one year mark, so I MUST get off sugar. Then I must NOT look at sugar again. It is too hard for me to fight. Some people can do it, but I can not.

Wishing you lots of luck, and thank you for posting. I thought I was the only one out there fighting the same demons. :love:

[bsoutherngirl 10]

MONICA,

I just want to let you know I feel for you and wish I knew words of encouragement to share, but I'm new with the band. I get my first fill later this month and over the last few days night grazing has been my down fall, but one thing that stops me from not eating sweets is not having them in my house. I don't need ice cream, pies, candy bars so no one in my house does either so my grazing goes to and extra something of Protein yogurt or cottage cheese or plain cheese. I sometimes put this in my hand and put it back down and then I tell myself good job even though 10 min later I maybe doing the same thing. Just let yourself know that every day is a new day and everytime you don't put something in your mouth when you really really want to tell yourself good job and be strong. best of wishes to you.

[Fauxnaif 1]

I recommend this book as a supplement to what you are already doing.

[ame=http://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Overeating-Jane-R-Hirschmann/dp/0449003825]Amazon.com: Overcoming Overeating: Jane R. Hirschmann, Carol H. Munter: Books[/ame]

And if your therapist doesn't specialize in eating disorders, I would try to find one that does.

I know how hard this is. I still struggle with it after all this time.