Mom was supportive at first but questioning things now....

[tigermom12 34]

Ugh...why am I not surprised?? I should have expected this. I have completed all of my requirements and my file will be submitted to insurance tomorrow.

My mom told me the other day what goal weight she thought would be good for me. Really? I didn't say anything. Then this morning she called me and wants to talk to me about why I'm choosing the sleeve over lap band. She says...."You know the sleeve is permanent right?" Again...really? I am 43 years old and trust me...I have done the research and talked at length with my bariatric team.

My mom has always been pretty negative and very vocal about my weight problem. She says she's concerned about me and I get that so I'm trying not to get upset. I will have the conversation with her but she's not changing my mind.

Anybody ever have this happen to them? How did you handle it?

[Bob624 14]

I have not and will not tell my mother. Our mothers sound very similar. As far she knows I am having hernia surgery

[terri82much 80]

I wasn't even going to tell my mom but she had a fit that I was going to Mexico with my boyfriend while he was having a bodylift done since he had the sleeve last November and lost 140 pounds.

She was so worried that I was going to be all alone in Mexico while he was in the hospital and how could he take me there and not take care of me. *eye rolling*. I'm 41! LOL

So I finally said I won't be alone...I will be in the hospital too. SHe took it fairly well which surprised me but as it is getting closer (Nov 16) she has sent me a news article about murders in Mexico and wanting to know that I have my will and all my arrangements in place in case I don't come back...seeing the lawyer tomorrow...*more eye rolling*

Now she is starting to question the surgery and what is going to happen and when do I get out of the hospital and when does he get out of the hospital. I know she is just worried but I explained that I am tired of fighting this battle and I don't want to end up with health problems. She is diabetic and has a whole set of issues that may or may not have to do with her weight.

Remind her that you appreciate that she is worried for you and you know that it is coming from the right place but your a big girl now and that you haven't entered into this decision lightly and researched it. added side note...the boyfriend had the lapband and had to have it removed because it wouldn't heal. The surgeon at the time encouraged him to do the sleeve prior to doing the band. He said he wished he would have listened. It seems from what I have read that there have been more people have trouble with the band and/or then get sleeved after. Yes it is permanent. That's the whole point isn't it?

Good luck from a fellow person that has trouble having their mothers understand that there should be boundaries in a relationship.

[Photo925 100]

My mom is super supportive of my surgery....But I'm certain that she is only as supportive as she is because my sister had the surgery first and was very successful. I think she was on the fence when my sister had it but is very supportive of me. She herself is overweight and understands the struggles involved in losing massive amount of weight. I do know how you feel with concerns to people surprising you by not being supportive. Of the friends that I have told, the ones that I were certain would be supportive are on the fence and the ones who I thought would be against it are completely supportive. You never really can tell how people will react.

[erp 2,016]

I enlisted my mom's help. When she became part of the process, her doubts turned to support. Now that I'm post, she keeps telling me to stop losing weight. Lol!

[Fluffnomore 1,235]

My mom was surprisingly supportive. I was not expecting it. I am a founding member of ACORN (Adult Children of Registered Nurses. Our motto: "Don't bleed on my couch!") Children of RNs generally don't get a lot of support in medical situations, in case that isn't clear. Both times I've gone into labor, my mother's comment was, "Are you sure? Don't bother the nurses." ANYWAY.

She has also struggled with weight all of her adult life, and over the last 3 years went into an intense liquid/protein/appetite suppressant diet under medical supervision. She lost the majority of her extra weight and has settled back about 20-30 pounds over her minimum. It continues to be a constant struggle. So I was sure she would tell me I should go that route and get upset with me for having a needless surgical procedure, etc.

She didn't. She's been great. In fact, I told her that one of my main reasons for hitting this at 44 is that I didn't want to wait another 20 years to get to her kind of success. She has been supportive and is investigating this on the sly for my older brother, who has Type 2 diabetes.

[lestudi 2]

Yes. I had the same kind of thing happen to me. My surgery was October 21 of this year, and up until then I had been planning to get this surgery for about two years now. I had friends and family who were totally supportive until the last minute, and then some people who were supportive the whole time. I found that the people most argumentative about the procedure were the ones that were very ignorant on the surgery itself, the statistics, the success stories, and just information in general. My sister, who is in the medical field told my mom to tell me a few days before to warn me that my stomach could stretch and that I could also experience a stomach rupture. I had people at work, saying, "Well, do you know that you have to eat healthy afterwards? Can you do that?" It infuriated me! What?! I have to eat healthy afterwards? Why don't they tell you that? (sarcasm) Now, two weeks out, back to work after one week, and 15 lbs lost, I get the last laugh because they are all like, "Wow! You were right! It's amazing how fast you recover and how well it's working!" Don't get discouraged. I even doubted myself a few days after surgery, laying in bed thinking, "Why didn't I listen to the people that warned me? Why did I do it?" But, that went away VERY quickly after all the pain meds wore off, and I was up and about and feeling great! I'm still getting used to what and how I can eat, but I've stuck with Soups, yogurt, Protein Shakes, and oatmeal for the most part. I get full very quickly and I can actually go a whole day at work, with just a Protein Shake and some oatmeal, without feeling starved! Everyday, it becomes more natural to me, almost like I never even got surgery. The pain is NOTHING! And, with each pound lost, and each extra inch of loose clothing, the motivation and resolve that you've made the right decision really sinks in! Your mom will be supportive. Some people just have to see it to believe it! You'll make her a believer. You can do it, and you'll be SO glad you did!

[Brighteyes 237]

My Mom did the exact same thing. For the past couple years she has said I should consider WLS, even gone as far as to offer to pay for it. I decided for myself it was something I wanted. So i sign up for the seminar and invite my Mom. She comes and seems supportive. I get about halfway through all my pre op stuff and suddenly changes her mind. She starts challenging everything I tell her. She even conveniently forgets about all the suggestions of WLS from before when I attempt to remind her. Then a couple weeks prior to my surgery I start to figure out my plan to get to and from the hospital and she starts getting non committal about her plans. So I figure things out and find people I can depend on. As I thought, my Mom wasn't available to take me to the hospital, but my father did. As disappointed as I was I decided I wasn't going to let me affect my decisions or attitude towards surgery. My Mom was in my room when I came out of recovery. She was a great help and encouragement while I was in the hospital. Things have changed. I have chalked up all her behavior to her being scared of me having surgery, particularly one that is elective in nature. Keeping perspective on her feeling has prevented me from cursing her out all together.

[gastricsleever 259]

I have not and will not tell my mother. Our mothers sound very similar. As far she knows I am having hernia surgery

Agreed, mine as well. I am not telling my mom about the surgery!

[Seela 1,187]

My parents have both been very supportive, however, my mom said something to me the other day about how supportive she's been but how she has refrained from telling me her opinion on wls. Wtf! I don't want to here it. Ever! I would rather receive fake support just because she loves me than here one more uninformed thin person give me their "opinion" on my medical problems, even if it is my mom. On the otherhand it's painful to know my mom, probably, thinks I'm crazy. Oh well, maybe I am, but that's not gonna change any time soon. Lol

Edited November 6, 2013 by Seela

[ProudGrammy 8,322]

43 years old

tigermom

moms are moms all their lives ( me too, and maybe you)

they usually/sometimes/ always have to give their opinions, right or wrong

course, I'm always right

at 43, when mom gives her opinion, thats ok

but she shouldn't think you MUST lagree and follow her advise

just thank her for her thoughts/opinion, but...............you have already come to a decision (something like that)

talking about me for a minute..........

hijacking for a minute

my mom was always so upset/verbal about my weight, when i toldl her i was having WLS she was elated

mom, siblings et al always been "normal" in their weight - I was the black sheep

my mom "always thought she was being "cute"

as an adult - this day - for my b'day i would get a candle on a WW cupcake

she never realized how hurtful that was (even though I told her)

I had WLS about 2 years ago - and I've been at goal for the past many months

by the way.................DOS of WLS I was 57 years OLD

I will be 60 years YOUNG in January

good luck with mom , hopefully she will come around

good luck with surgery (and mom to)

speedy recovery

kathy

Edited November 6, 2013 by proudgrammy

[sknewannab 2]

My mother was yeah lose the weight but dont get boney. Apparently she doesnt realize that Im almost 40 either. I know when to stop and if I want to be skinny thats my decision. I could comment to her but its disrepsectful. (Hint hint)