It has begun...Relationship changes

[Nurse_B 270]

I wrote on here awhile ago about a friend of mine who was being less than supportive of my decision for surgery. I made the decision, to hear her out, and to show her my side of things. She is afraid I haven't tried everything, that I am taking drastic measures to lose weight. First, I have known this friend for 2 years...she has NO idea about my struggles or what I have or haven't done to lose weight. So I clued her in.

Today, I find out, from her no less, that she and another close friend (we all hang out regularly) are going out of town tomorrow for a girls trip. One that I have attended, and one that we decided the three of us would make an annual trip. I only found out, because she emailed me today at work to ask how my day was going, and to tell me that she and my friend were headed out of town tomorrow to our spot. I was very hurt, felt left out, and couldn't understand why she would go out of her way to hurt me. I understand that this surgery can bring about changes in friendships, but I had no idea it would be this quick ( I am scheduled for surgery December 2nd), or hurt this badly. I have told hardly no one about my surgery, and told this friend because I really needed her support and excitement. What I got was jealousy, judgement, and hurt feelings how someone could be so mean...I mean this isn't high school, what the heck is wrong with people?!

[leslie1958 159]

This isn't a friend, and she's not acting out of concern for you, this is jealousy. I'm sure you feel hurt right now, but you'll come to realize there are better friends to be made. You stay on track and do what is right for you !!

[luckyyou0521 42]

I agree with the person above me. That is not a friend. All of the people I have told have been supportive, those are friends. I'll support you! Everyone who is on this sight needs someone. I'll be there for everyone! Stay strong your true friends will be there for you in the end.

[mazzers120 75]

I wrote on here awhile ago about a friend of mine who was being less than supportive of my decision for surgery. I made the decision' date=' to hear her out, and to show her my side of things. She is afraid I haven't tried everything, that I am taking drastic measures to lose weight. First, I have known this friend for 2 years...she has NO idea about my struggles or what I have or haven't done to lose weight. So I clued her in.

Today, I find out, from her no less, that she and another close friend (we all hang out regularly) are going out of town tomorrow for a girls trip. One that I have attended, and one that we decided the three of us would make an annual trip. I only found out, because she emailed me today at work to ask how my day was going, and to tell me that she and my friend were headed out of town tomorrow to our spot. I was very hurt, felt left out, and couldn't understand why she would go out of her way to hurt me. I understand that this surgery can bring about changes in friendships, but I had no idea it would be this quick ( I am scheduled for surgery December 2nd), or hurt this badly. I have told hardly no one about my surgery, and told this friend because I really needed her support and excitement. What I got was jealousy, judgement, and hurt feelings how someone could be so mean...I mean this isn't high school, what the heck is wrong with people?![/quote']

I havent even told my best friend yet, I'm afraid of her response. She is very judgmental, and has made comments about another friend that had WLS. Sometime in life we really can only look at ourselves for answers and hope the best for our friends and prepare for the worst. Bottom line, you only know what is best for you, and you certainly wouldn't be having 3/4 of you stomach cut out if you were not sure. You have plenty of friends here.

[Mel1071 149]

Just out of curiosity, is this "friend" (and I use this term oh so loosely) overweight/obese as well?

[Ms.AntiBand 2,984]

Wow.. Now that's mean! She definitely made sure you knew for a reason.. A very selfish reason at that. I mean why else would she say anything? She has issues of some sort.. I'm just sorry you're being left out and so hurt. Have you talked to the other friend? I would just be open with her and be blunt about how hurt you are for not being included.

Oh, and yes, some will say move on and get new friends.. But dang, you're hurt so just get the scoop on the poop and then go from there

[Nurse_B 270]

Just out of curiosity' date=' is this "friend" (and I use this term oh so loosely) overweight/obese as well?[/quote']

Yes she is. She is at her heaviest, and always makes a point to tell me all she is doing the "hard way" to lose, but it isn't coming off. She can't do surgery because it would be out of pocket. She judges me yet had liposuction a few years ago, which she never misses an opportunity to show me her "thin" pictures. I feel bad I feel so angry at her but she is being a very inconsiderate, mean person.

[Beach Lover 1,084]

This friend is a toxic wolf in sheep's clothing. One of the toughest things is to learn to recognize these people and she is one of them. In addition what about your other friend that is going with her.......it seems that she is just as guilty but not quite as mean or deliberate as the other one. I suggest you start distancing yourself and make new friendships that will uplift you. This is not easy to do and I speak from experience. Similar circumstances happened to me. I tried to make it work for to long and only got hurt more with my efforts. You have made a decision to better yourself and she isn't handling it gracefully at all. Spend some time reflecting on this relationship and be honest with yourself. Can you recognize other events where you questioned her friendship, motives or behavior? If so, it isn't just the surgery that is causing this........she is not a good friend. This kind of hurt from a friend takes some time to get over. I didn't confront my friend I just walked away from her. I wish you the very best with your new life! You will meet new friends!

[Nurse_B 270]

Wow.. Now that's mean! She definitely made sure you knew for a reason.. A very selfish reason at that. I mean why else would she say anything? She has issues of some sort.. I'm just sorry you're being left out and so hurt. Have you talked to the other friend? I would just be open with her and be blunt about how hurt you are for not being included. Oh' date=' and yes, some will say move on and get new friends.. But dang, you're hurt so just get the scoop on the poop and then go from there [/quote']

I agree, she said it for some purpose. I haven't talked to the other friend, I'm afraid it will just make them band together and treat me poorly. I know this isn't a friend, and I'm sad it has to end over something so important to me.

[mazzers120 75]

This friend is a toxic wolf in sheep's clothing. One of the toughest things is to learn to recognize these people and she is one of them. In addition what about your other friend that is going with her.......it seems that she is just as guilty but not quite as mean or deliberate as the other one. I suggest you start distancing yourself and make new friendships that will uplift you. This is not easy to do and I speak from experience. Similar circumstances happened to me. I tried to make it work for to long and only got hurt more with my efforts. You have made a decision to better yourself and she isn't handling it gracefully at all. Spend some time reflecting on this relationship and be honest with yourself. Can you recognize other events where you questioned her friendship' date=' motives or behavior? If so, it isn't just the surgery that is causing this........she is not a good friend. This kind of hurt from a friend takes some time to get over. I didn't confront my friend I just walked away from her. I wish you the very best with your new life! You will meet new friends! [/quote']

Beach lover, couldn't have put it better!

[Nurse_B 270]

This friend is a toxic wolf in sheep's clothing. One of the toughest things is to learn to recognize these people and she is one of them. In addition what about your other friend that is going with her.......it seems that she is just as guilty but not quite as mean or deliberate as the other one. I suggest you start distancing yourself and make new friendships that will uplift you. This is not easy to do and I speak from experience. Similar circumstances happened to me. I tried to make it work for to long and only got hurt more with my efforts. You have made a decision to better yourself and she isn't handling it gracefully at all. Spend some time reflecting on this relationship and be honest with yourself. Can you recognize other events where you questioned her friendship' date=' motives or behavior? If so, it isn't just the surgery that is causing this........she is not a good friend. This kind of hurt from a friend takes some time to get over. I didn't confront my friend I just walked away from her. I wish you the very best with your new life! You will meet new friends! [/quote']

You make a great point, this is not the first time I have questioned her friendship or contemplated walking away. I'm just so sad, I hate ending friendships. I'm always the person who says, invite everyone! If they don't like you they won't come, but at least you are kind and extend an invitation. She is always wanting things to be exclusive. I feel like I'm bagging on her, she has some wonderful qualities, but her bad ones outweigh them, I think.

[Mel1071 149]

I'm sorry this is happening to you, Bonnie As soon as I read what you wrote I said I'll bet anything this friend is jealous as heck. I know it hurts and it doesn't do any good for me to rattle on about what a wench she's being (though I do think that). Vent all you want here - we'll be here for you

[Butterthebean 8,146]

Wow nurse Bonnie. That is awful and I cannot imagine your sense of betrayal.

I hope this doesn't dissuade you or others from owning your courageous decision to change your life and have WLS. Yes it does sting, but know that if someone betrays you like this, their friendship is not as critical to your existence as your decision to save your own life. Keep owning it and know that true friends will lift you up on their shoulders and carry you if need be.

[LittleLinda 9]

It's a little ironic that she tells you WLS is the easy way out when she had liposuction.

You need to be with friends that will totally support your new path to being normal. She's not supportive. Cut her off and move on. I realize this sounds harsh, but you're looking for healthy solutions in your life right now. You're cutting out most of your stomach to get there. She'll have to go with your stomach.

Also, think about whether she's contributed to your past eating habits....

[Beach Lover 1,084]

You make a great point, this is not the first time I have questioned her friendship or contemplated walking away. I'm just so sad, I hate ending friendships. I'm always the person who says, invite everyone! If they don't like you they won't come, but at least you are kind and extend an invitation. She is always wanting things to be exclusive. I feel like I'm bagging on her, she has some wonderful qualities, but her bad ones outweigh them, I think.

I am the same way everyone is welcome. Sometimes I think people who are nice from the heart get bit the worst. We tend to forgive easily and forget. But there comes a time when self preservation is more important. You don't even have to confront her.......just walk away. Spare yourself the confrontation and the arguments that you will get from her because she will only bite more. Wolves always do. You can have compassion for her fight with weight loss but you don't have to be her whipping post. You sound like someone that I would count as a good friend and so will others. You are going to find a new found confidence with your weight loss and you will release the things in your life that brought you down. In a few short months you will look back and know your life forward is full of amazing opportunities and a lot of fun.