Should I have the surgery?

[Short N Sweet 7]

Hello everyone! I'm pretty new here but I've been lurking on the website since I found it, a few weeks ago. I'm in the beginner stages of getting the surgery. Last month I met with the doctor who would be my surgeon, he was really nice and concerned which made me feel at ease. But he said I have a dangerous stomach? I later found out what he was talking about(I gain most of my weight around my mid section). Then he recommended the duodenal switch since my BMI is over 60, I said no and that I felt more comfortable with the gastric sleeve. Then after that was all over my mother has now become dead set against it. She believes I can do this the old fashion natural way but I don't think I can. And then I haven't even started the diet i'm suppose to be doing for surgery(I think I will try the liquid diet to make It easier on myself). So now i'm at a cross roads with myself and my mother. I have way over 100lbs to lose and I think i'll end up failing if I do this naturally, I believe the sleeve can help me lose the weight and keep it off. I'm 29 years old if that helps and also in a few years I want to start a family. What are your thoughts on my predicament?

[Bufflehead 6,358]

I take it your mother is the one paying for the surgery? I would make an appointment to meet with the surgeon and bring her along. Your surgeon should be able to discuss with both of you all of the scientific evidence that shows it verges on impossible for a morbidly obese person to lose a significant amount of weight and maintain that weight loss without surgery.

If she has already met with the surgeon and gone over all of the evidence, then I guess just spend a lot of time talking with her. Tell her exactly how being so overweight makes you feel and impacts your life. I know for most of us there is a lot of shame and self-hate involved in that sort of discussion - if that is true for you, dig deep and keep talking. She's your mom and I am sure she loves you and wants you to be happy, but she's probably scared of the risks of surgery. Explain to her that sleeve surgery has the same risk of complications and death as gall bladder surgery -- she wouldn't be demanding you just keep suffering in pain if you needed your gall bladder out, right? She would accept the risks (very small!) and you would get the surgery you need to end the debilitating pain. Well, for most of us, being morbidly obese inflicts severe pain as well, we just mask it better.

You can also talk with her about all your previous attempts to lose weight. Help her to see that you have tried, and struggled, and you need this tool to be successful.

If your mother still doesn't want to pay for the surgery, that's her right -- check into self-pay options (there's a great board for self-pay patients here) and see what you can do to save up or finance it. Depending on where you go, it might be less expensive than you think.

Good luck to you!

Edited November 3, 2013 by Bufflehead

[Short N Sweet 7]

Oh, I forgot to mention that i'm paying for the surgery through my job insurance I have with Kaiser. My mother has met with my general doctor who I got the referral from but not my surgeon. Because he's in south Sacramento and we live in the central valley here in California, it might be ways for her to travel. Right now she's also unwilling to drive me from the hospital if I have the surgery done. I do have a co-worker that offer me transportation from the hospital if I have it done.

[HHHappy 225]

No one can make this decision for you. Not your mom or anyone on this forum. If YOU want the surgery and you've read the pros and cons and still want to move forward, I say DO IT. Good luck with you decision.

[luckystarr23 6]

I know how you feel, I canceled my original surgery date which was September 4, 2013 to January 15, 2014 because of all the mixed emotions and feedback from family, especially my mother. My mother and I are best of friends but for some reason she is discouraging me on getting this surgery done, I know any surgery is a high risk procedure but her thought is long term, what are the complications. I work in the medical aspect of seeing the good and the bad with WLS but everyone is different. I joined a weight loss group with my mom and have seen good results. I'm trying to prepare my body and familiarize myself with Portion Control and help reduce my cravings. I still haven't made up my mind if I'm going to go through with the surgery but little by little as I get closer to my date I know what ever I decide will be because its my choice, no one else's.

[awold0 246]

I totally understand. I thought about having the surgery 4 years ago. I also lived in CA at that time and had started the meetings with the doctors but my family said the same thing. My husband and my family thought I could do it myself if I put my mind to it etc. I decided not to have the surgery.

Now fast forward to 2013. I had moved to Texas and gained almost 40 more pounds and my yo yo dieting was just so frustrating. My health had taken a huge slide. I had sleep apnea and high blood pressure . I finally hit the breaking point and started the research again and made doctor appointments. Once I started going to meetings and made up my mind for myself my family followed. They saw that I had made up my mind and I was gong to change my life. By the time I was having my surgery my family was all on board.

I am now 5 months post op. I am so happy I moved forward and did the sleeve surgery. . I wish I had done it earlier in my life. I work out 5 days a week. I have lost 71 pounds and I feel so much healthier. My family is so supportive and now see's how I have changed my life and is so happy for me.

You also might think about taking your mom to support groups for WLS post and pre op. I have seen many family member's go with loved ones to help them get information that helps them to understand so it is not so scary.

Good Luck with what ever you decide and I wish you the best.

[Short N Sweet 7]

Thank you everyone for the support! Maybe I will convince her to come with me to a support group so she can learn more about the procedure.

[SerendipityHappens 1,594]

My highest weight was 360 with a BMI of 60 and when I started considering WLS, I was 330-340 pounds. I flirted with the idea of the DS but in the end I just didn't feel comfortable with it due to the malabsorptave compontent. I opted for the sleeve and promised my self I would my very best to make the sleeve work... I know that IF I'm not successful with the sleeve and IF I develop co-morbidities, I can opt for DS at a later time.... but there is no way that I wanted to have such a powerful surgery unless it was absolutely necessary. I felt that VSG however WAS absolutely necessary. I KNEW it was right for me and nobody was going to talk me out of it..

If I could have done it the old fashioned way and kept it off, then I would have...

Edited November 3, 2013 by SerendipityHappens

[MouseOnTheMile 186]

What most people don't realize (especially someone whose never had a large amount of weight to lose) is that studies show that if you need to lose more than 20% of your body mass (most of us need to lose well over that), the only real way to secure that loss and MAINTAIN that weight loss long term is through surgery.

People might think its extreme but yoyo dieting hasn't gotten us anywhere except obese and it's not their life being effected by it.

You make the choice for you, and your mother will deal with it either way. My parents weren't thrilled at first and I only have around 90 pounds to lose, but now they have come around and are being extremely supportive. Because they know I'm trying to fix this now so I don't have issues when I'm older. Mostly parents and other support systems worry because they fear surgery will kill you. You are FAR more likely to die of obesity related health problems than you are to from the sleeve.

Let us know what you decide either way

Edited November 4, 2013 by MouseOnTheMile

[Kasey Parker 31]

I lost 120lbs on my own - gained it all back because I was unable to maintain it on my own which why I'm having surgery (in 2 days). Most statistics show that if you have been obese your whole life, only a small percent can kept it off. I was very scared of my father knowing, but turns out he supports it (use to he didn't). Thankfully about 99% have supported me except one or two but they knew my mind was set and didn't really bad mouth it.

My father and sister (who are two of my top supporters) wish secretly (I was told) I wouldn't have it, still support me despite how they feel. I think you may just have to stand your ground with your mom if you decide you really want this. My dad acknowledged I was a grown woman and it was my decision.

Good luck with your decision!!

[Short N Sweet 7]

Thank you so much for the support!

[cindymg 629]

I calculated one day that I lost and regained more than 2,000 pounds over 40 years of dieting, "doing it on my own." Then, one day after my surgery, I realized I was freed from ever having to do that again. What a great feeling that was!

I'm 30 years older than you. If I could have had sleeve surgery at 29, how different my life might have been. Don't let anyone talk you into wasting the next 30 years fighting the same battle over and over. Take a car service or taxi to/from the hospital if you have to. You won't regret it.

Good luck on your journey. It's going to be amazing!

[sleevette 3]

Do what makes you happy only you have to live within your body forever! Mums are meant to worry, but would she rather worry about you having the surgery or worry about your health problems if you don't get it done now? Best of luck with your decision.