sabatoging family

[lizrbit 0]

they all found out. it started with my brother and went to my mom who has camped out here and wont leave. I cant do anything or go anywhere. I am nearly forty years old and i cant shake this problem. They BOTH have invited MORE people to come and i cant hang anymore. all they want to do is go out and eat and im being shoulda and couldas to death.

im ready to snap.

ive been so freaking good. Im very close to snapping. anyone else have family that is ACTIVELY sabotoging them?

[Devana 0]

They're AT your house right now? Can you ask them to leave?

[anonemouse 1]

Mine aren't that bad, but my mom is basically sabotaging me before I even get banded. She keeps nagging me to reconsider surgery, which is really frustrating, especially since she went to the seminar with me and supported my decision at the time. She said today, "Why have surgery? Just pretend you had it and lose the weight that way." I know she means well, but it bothers me.

[BJean 16]

No I haven't had this happen to me. But you have to think about you!

Tell them that you don't mean to be rude, but that you have to go for a walk. Then hit the trail or walk around the block or something... maybe they'll all disperse while you're gone.

[wavydaby 1]

Eat too much then PB on them.

Heck, worked for my daughter when she was an infant.

If she didnt like them, I swear that child would spit up on them on purpose.

All humor set a side. I think there is a jealousy and a basic knowledge of how the surgery works that is scaring them.

I have an active sabatoure in my house as well.

Usually, its me, however, my hubby subconciously plays in to it.

It ususally works along these lines..

hubby: "hey, lets go to 'insert ice cream place here' and get a shake."

me:" nah, not hungry"

hubby:" have you had enough protien? you can get one with protien powder in it"

Me:"ok"

Granted, I DO get a shake with protien powder, and usually I have NOT had enough protien that day.

but I didnt need the extra 300 calories that comes with it.

[lizrbit 0]

hahahahahahahaha...ive thought about sucking on donuts and spitting them out.

I have gone out for bike rides without them and while it pissed them off a little, i felt better.

Unfortunately though, hiding in my room and not taking the bait has not been enough.

fifteen minutes ago my mother drove off in a huff and i closed the door abruptly behind her.

i feel a HUGE relief, but at the same time, i HATE that it ended that way with her. i feel like i cant win with my mom, and i know she feels that way too. when shes isnt in my presence i LOVE HER SO MUCH and im so proud of her, when shes in my living room, i cant get past her. She had chemo last year and during the process lost her 'editor' the thing that says "dont say this" and she just rattles whatever is on her mind, which is usually negative. She also has no sense of time. To her, the days on days its actually been, feels like thirty minutes to her.

but..anyway, shes gone, and really mad at me, and its okay.

by the way, when you get to the binge eating thing and have trouble fighting it, ground up chicken cooked in chicken broth then blended in blender, (ahead of time just to have on hand) mixed in with grocery bought premade guacamole is HEAVEN. i have two tablespoons of Peanut Butter with my name on it later when the "gotta have sugar" thing hits.

im hoping to be ready at sunset to get back out there and start over. sunrise i ride to the seawall and send mom a wish that it would have ended better.

id kill for a donut right now.

[Carlene 12]

Just pretend you had it and lose the weight that way.

Tell her you know lots of people who "pretend" they're still 20 years old.....it doesn't work.

[lizrbit 0]

doh! thats a good one!

[Carlene 12]

hahahahahahahaha...ive thought about sucking on donuts and spitting them out.

I have gone out for bike rides without them and while it pissed them off a little, i felt better.

Unfortunately though, hiding in my room and not taking the bait has not been enough.

fifteen minutes ago my mother drove off in a huff and i closed the door abruptly behind her.

i feel a HUGE relief, but at the same time, i HATE that it ended that way with her. i feel like i cant win with my mom, and i know she feels that way too. when shes isnt in my presence i LOVE HER SO MUCH and im so proud of her, when shes in my living room, i cant get past her. She had chemo last year and during the process lost her 'editor' the thing that says "dont say this" and she just rattles whatever is on her mind, which is usually negative. She also has no sense of time. To her, the days on days its actually been, feels like thirty minutes to her.

but..anyway, shes gone, and really mad at me, and its okay.

by the way, when you get to the binge eating thing and have trouble fighting it, ground up chicken cooked in chicken broth then blended in blender, (ahead of time just to have on hand) mixed in with grocery bought premade guacamole is HEAVEN. i have two tablespoons of Peanut Butter with my name on it later when the "gotta have sugar" thing hits.

im hoping to be ready at sunset to get back out there and start over. sunrise i ride to the seawall and send mom a wish that it would have ended better.

id kill for a donut right now.

Liz...

I sort of know how you feel. My mother-in-law lives with me and she is almost 87. She has no verbal inhibition anymore, either. In spite of knowing it's her age and not really her fault, she can still open her mouth and piss me off. I just can't help it sometimes. In the end, I'm the one that feels bad, though. Even worse, my DH (and his brother) can absolutely do NO wrong. If they were serial killers, my MIL would find a way to make it seem like a good thing!

As for the donuts, don't drive yourself crazy over stuff you think you can't have. Eat the donut. Pretty soon, you won't be able to.

[BJean 16]

Liz: If you're anything like me you can't just eat "the" donut. It's a dozen or so once you get started. For me though it isn't donuts. It's ice cream, preferably with hot fudge sauce and whipped cream. You can forget the cherry, but leaving those off never kept me from gaining a ton of weight.

I thought your little essay about your mom and you was great. I remember exactly how that feels. My mom seldom said what she was thinking though. She internalized everything pretty much all of the time. She got cancer and didn't get the chance to have chemo. I don't know if that is such a bad thing though. Chemo can be pretty devastating sometimes. If the chemo truly does get rid of the cancer and allow a person to keep living in a good way, it's gotta be a good thing in spite of the side effects.

I sure don't want to preach - your feelings are valid! But I will say that I wish I had my mom back so that I could worry about hers and my feelings after an uncomfortable conversation. She thought my older sister could do no wrong and it caused problems sometimes with her and my other sister and me. In retrospect she probably understood that my older sister was handicapped her whole life, in a way. She was morbidly obese from the time she was a child. Mom knew she needed special care, I suppose. But my other sister and I had feelings and needs and it hurt that the oldest one got most of her time and energy.

It's hard to understand why someone would sabbotage your weight loss efforts. I'm sure it's complicated. You are right to get on your bike and go! You have to do what you feel is best for you because you're the ONLY one who can make it happen!