Enabling

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I think we all know we ate too much, but there are vast differences in what and how we ate to get to the point of obesity. Every one has their own unique story.

How many stories have we heard/read from people who claim they eat like a bird, here and in real life? Tons! There is a fairly new one that screams denial and I have sworn to myself to keep my mouth shut so as not to go in screaming HAIRY FAIRY LIAR!! I have no ill feelings towards those steeping in deep denial, I just know my big fat mouth and my brain sometimes fail to communicate effectively.

Everyone's story is unique and I despise the us against them mentality. My way of reaching moo cow status is certainly not superior to anyone else's. if anything, it's the most shameful. I have nothing to blame physically, chemically, mentally (as in deep suppressed psych trauma) or anything other than pure gluttony. Plain and simple.

My eating habits are reason #385497144/6 that I should have been born a man. No joke!

[SoccerMomma73 1,867]

I guess you and I are the only fat chicks here that are fat because we ate like piggies

me three, me three!!!

[gamergirl 4,610]

How many stories have we heard/read from people who claim they eat like a bird, here and in real life? Tons! There is a fairly new one that screams denial and I have sworn to myself to keep my mouth shut so as not to go in screaming HAIRY FAIRY LIAR!! I have no ill feelings towards those steeping in deep denial, I just know my big fat mouth and my brain sometimes fail to communicate effectively. Everyone's story is unique and I despise the us against them mentality. My way of reaching moo cow status is certainly not superior to anyone else's. if anything, it's the most shameful. I have nothing to blame physically, chemically, mentally (as in deep suppressed psych trauma) or anything other than pure gluttony. Plain and simple. My eating habits are reason #385497144/6 that I should have been born a man. No joke!

I think lying and denial are different things. Lying is when you KNOW and knowingly choose to distort the truth. Denial is when the person who is in the dark is the person with the troublesome behavior. I think sometimes we really don't know what the problem is. We're not lying. We're simply not self-aware. There's a difference.

I didn't know what my problem was until a month or so ago. I wasn't willfully lying. I was ignorant. Someone calling me a liar at that point wouldn't have helped me.

Someone sharing their own journey and their own self-discoveries would have helped me. It's part of why I read so many vet posts. Slowly I began to see something I had not before. Maybe that's what we owe others who are early in their journey?

[No game 14,437]

Interesting thread forgive my foolishness on it..

But this is what I see a lot of and to me it's denial....

http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/288285-my-dr-says-if-i-gain-1-more-pound-i-will-be-given-an-extra-month-visit-but/

[Georgia 2,908]

What a great thread Laura. Yes, this place is a hot bed of enabling. All the "I ate a snickers bar one week post op and I don't feel bad about it....." Yeah, those people see that as a victory over food guilt, but they fail to see it reads like a go ahead to eat snickers bars to all the people who aren't sure what they should or can eat. Then they follow it up with...."I'm still losing weight just fine....." Yes you are, for now. You may make it all the way to goal and maintain goal forever like that, but the odds are against you. The majority of people either don't make it to goal or can't maintain it unless they have some control over what they're eating. That's the message we really need to be sending out....not "I eat whatever I wanna eat." Didn't we all eat whatever we wanted to eat before surgery? It clearly didn't work for us then. Not one of us. And, as we've discussed before, you can't say one word about it or you get called a bully and accused of being non supportive. Is this a support forum? Yes it is. Have you ever been to a support group? If you walk into an AA meeting and announce that you drank a case of beer and you don't feel guilty about it, you're likely to catch hell. Patting people on the back and telling them that their life threatening behavior is ok is not support. It is enabling. Support is trying to help people save their own life. And make no mistake, obesity is as deadly as anything we're likely to face. Yes I make mistakes. I'm not perfect. Far from it. I've eaten candy, pie and donuts....all in the last month. But I don't say "I eat anything I want" because if I truly did I'd be living on candy, pie and donuts. I have to exercise some self control. And unfortunately the sleeve is no substitute for self control. It will not control your portions adequately to allow you to eat whatever your heart desires. Sorry if I ventured off topic a little.

I finally totally quit looking at the threads talked about because I was so tempted to lash out at some of the posts I just chose to walk away. .

Boy, as we all know, it doesn't get easier as we get further out other than knowing what to do and gaining the discipline to DO IT most of the time. Yes, I'll admit I had problems with food. Junk food. So I have to stay far, far away. Most of the time.

[SoccerMomma73 1,867]

Interesting thread forgive my foolishness on it.. But this is what I see a lot of and to me it's denial.... <a data-ipb='nomediaparse' href='http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/288285-my-dr-says-if-i-gain-1-more-pound-i-will-be-given-an-extra-month-visit-but/'>http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/288285-my-dr-says-if-i-gain-1-more-pound-i-will-be-given-an-extra-month-visit-but/</a>

been following that one closely.... Have serious concerns. I wish her the best, but....worried.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I think lying and denial are different things. Lying is when you KNOW and knowingly choose to distort the truth. Denial is when the person who is in the dark is the person with the troublesome behavior. I think sometimes we really don't know what the problem is. We're not lying. We're simply not self-aware. There's a difference.

I didn't know what my problem was until a month or so ago. I wasn't willfully lying. I was ignorant. Someone calling me a liar at that point wouldn't have helped me.

Someone sharing their own journey and their own self-discoveries would have helped me. It's part of why I read so many vet posts. Slowly I began to see something I had not before. Maybe that's what we owe others who are early in their journey?

GG, you are taking me far too literally but you are right, I chose the wrong words. I would never ever I intentionally be hurtful to someone who is on this journey because I sure as hell hate a hypocrite and I've not quite figured out why I let myself get to this point so who am I to be pointing out any kettles?

Liar was not at all what I meant even though it was what I said. I was making a poor attempt at a schoolyard joke, like a na nee na nee boo boo, but it flopped.

My apologies.

[Hidden from view 159]

Yeah, read that

Interesting thread forgive my foolishness on it..
But this is what I see a lot of and to me it's denial....

http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/288285-my-dr-says-if-i-gain-1-more-pound-i-will-be-given-an-extra-month-visit-but/

Yeah, I read that too. That was totally me! I thought I didn't eat much either. How we can delude ourselves!!

[gamergirl 4,610]

GG, you are taking me far too literally but you are right, I chose the wrong words. I would never ever I intentionally be hurtful to someone who is on this journey because I sure as hell hate a hypocrite and I've not quite figured out why I let myself get to this point so who am I to be pointing out any kettles? Liar was not at all what I meant even though it was what I said. I was making a poor attempt at a schoolyard joke, like a na nee na nee boo boo, but it flopped. My apologies.

Oh no! I took a joke seriously again! My son has been berating me and saying I've lost my sense of humor along with my stomach My bad

[ReDbEaN 654]

I loved to eat and cook and I would cook really unhealthy foods and had a sweet tooth that was insane!!! I would pass dinner/lunch/breakfast to eat sweets!!! I couldn't really eat a lot at one time, but I would basically graze all day long. So while I was never able to eat a whole cake, whole pizza, or a whole lot of anything all at once, I still managed to scarf it all in over time. I suppose one could argue that we can still do that post VSG, but it's not really what I want. Not to say at

times I could graze, but it makes me feel sick (Thankfully!!) and as far as my sweet tooth - go figure - I cannot tolerate them too much...I get soooo nauseated if I try to eat candy/chocolate/ice cream!! It's good, but man, I wish I could eat them SOMETIMES!! ;-P

[No game 14,437]

Redbean there may be a time when you will be able to again... That's when it gets tough..

In the early days sweet made me queasy!

Not anymore sweet makes me want more.

I like sweet but also my downfall is savory oh and tortilla chips they are the devil.

[ReDbEaN 654]

Redbean there may be a time when you will be able to again... That's when it gets tough.. In the early days sweet made me queasy! Not anymore sweet makes me want more. I like sweet but also my downfall is savory oh and tortilla chips they are the devil.

Goodness, I hope don't get to where I can have them!!! All I want now is salty/savory...rotel cheese dip with chips OMG - it's ambrosia these days!! I've only had it once since surgery and it was amazing!! Sooo that's will be my "devil food!"

[No game 14,437]

Bean, I have tremendous hope that all of us will be fine whether something makes us sick or not..

We are learning and communicating and growing everyday

[gamergirl 4,610]

Interesting thread forgive my foolishness on it.. But this is what I see a lot of and to me it's denial.... <a data-ipb='nomediaparse' href='http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/288285-my-dr-says-if-i-gain-1-more-pound-i-will-be-given-an-extra-month-visit-but/'>http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/288285-my-dr-says-if-i-gain-1-more-pound-i-will-be-given-an-extra-month-visit-but/</a>

So interestingly? I lived like that for two years. 800 calories a day, one meal, one snack a day. Ate more on the weekends, but during the week, very little. Lost nothing. My trainer said he'd stop working with me unless I started eating. My PCP whom I approached for weight loss surgery (band at that time) said I didn't eat enough, that wasn't going to solve the issue.

I was desperate. I wasn't eating, I wasn't losing, I was fat, and I couldn't even get surgery! What the heck was I supposed to do?

The NUT and the trainer both insisted I start eating so I did. I immediately put on weight. I was terrified. They reassured me it would come off. I was paying these two a lot of money out of my own pocket to help me get healthy, so I decided to listen. The NUT would text me 3 times a day to check and yell at me if I hadn't eaten. Sure enough, it did slowly come off. But yes, initially I did put on weight, just as the poster is saying happened to her.

You can indeed eat so little you go into starvation and when you eat more, your body holds on to every damn calorie until it realizes the famine is over. She could well be telling the truth on what happened to her. I would have written the same post as her (minus quitting smoking). (I didn't read all the posts just the first couple of pages).

Things is, I did the starvation diet because I had put on weight from eating all the wrong things. So I was fat, and the starvation wasn't helping me get thin. It's a complete mind f/ck, pardon my language.

[ReDbEaN 654]

I sure hope so:) as I've told you before - y'all are my lifeline