So embarrassed... /rant on

[Davyna 0]

I just need to vent this, I'm sorry....

I am 5 days post-op. I'm feeling okay, and was finally up to my first public outing. And that's where the trouble began.

I've been recuperating at my mom's house. It was unusually cold yesterday and I didn't bring anything warm to wear. I ended up having to wear a multi-colored wool pullover sweater that belongs to my father and a pair of windpants. I felt absolutely rediculous, but I knew we needed to go to the store to find something else to eat before I threw every can in the house marked "broth" into the trash. So off we went.

We ended up at a grocery store in my home town... a town where the average salary is probably close to $75,000 and there aren't any apartments... for a reason. These people are elitists. One of the reasons we moved away.

We pulled up into the parking lot, looked to be a pretty busy day. There's probably about 50 cars in the parking lot. I pushed myself out of the car and started walking up the row towards the store. Then I noticed both of my shoes have come untied. I looked around. I can't bend over that far. What am I going to do?

I propped my foot up on the front bumper of a nearby dirty, dusty 90's style Mercedes. My mom has to tie the shoe on my port side, but I am able to tie the other shoe. I am embarrassed already at the fact my mom has to tie my shoe. "God I hope no one sees me," I said to my mom. "No one's around, it's okay," she said. I felt bad about having to prop my foot on someone's car, but it was either that or walk all the way back to our car to do this. And I figured... what are the odds the owner of this car will know any different?

Sure enough. Just as soon as I get my foot off the car, I hear laughing. I turned around. Here comes a middle aged, thin blond lady pushing her cart and coming directly at me, and a cute female teenager who works at the store, who probably came outside to collect grocery carts. I can't believe it. The blond owns the Mercedes. What are the freaking odds. 50 cars in the lot and this one is hers. I started to walk away, even more embarrassed. I can only imagine what she must have thought of this whale in a wool sweater tying her shoe on the bumper of her car.

"I guess she didn't want to put her foot on her OWN car," the blond said, loud enough for me to hear. The teenager laughed. I whipped around, and a stream of words came out, "I'm sorry I just had surgery I can't bend over I apologize." "It's okay," the blond said quickly, not even glancing in my direction. She didn't say it rudely, but she didn't sound sincere either.

I started crying the minute I got into the store. I just wanted to disappear. My mom couldn't really understand why I felt this way, and told me to just forget about the blond, that I would never see her again. That wasn't the point. The point was I felt so awful about myself at that particular moment. I didn't want to attract any attention to myself but I had anyway. And that just ties in to how I feel in general, being overweight.

Talk about hitting rock bottom. :faint:

/rant off

[wavydaby 1]

She's a bitch.

Just remember, her life peaked in highschool.

Some people just are not worth the air they use.

[Tired_Old_Man 1]

I started crying the minute I got into the store. I just wanted to disappear.

Soon you will disappear, and when you do, go back to that store, and although no one will recognize you, you can look around and have a big laugh about yesterday.

[musicalmomma 1]

Good for you telling her off!!! Even though people that are THAT shallow don't care...it still does YOU good to know that you stood up for yourself!

It may have hit you a lot harder because you are still healing. I know the 3 surgeries I've had in the past...it took over a month for me to not feel so touchy and weepy. I've been told that anesthesia (sp?) has that affect of some people...the post-op depression thing.

Hang in there!! That day will be a distant memory and one day, in the not too distant future, you will look at yourself in the mirror and know that you could give that skinny blonde a run for her money!!

[shues138 35]

Just think about her with saggy boobs or something. That's how I get over stuff like that.

[Kat817 19]

Depression is not uncommon following surgery---I too was in tears over things that prior to surgery would have just pissed me off!!!

I think when we get our heads filled up with the idea of banding, and our hopes locked in on the bodies we hope to have, it is a shock to find ourselves still in a place we don't want to be! It will soon be changing---and you know the pain you felt, you know without a single doubt, that you will NEVER EVER purposely make someone else feel like that woman made you feel. You are a better person.

Hang in there---you are on your way now!!! Welcome to bandland! I do have to say it is a much better neighborhood than the one you were in!!!

Kat

[Davyna 0]

'Rock bottom' actually acts as little 'dilithium crystal fuel rods'....and gives the energy to set your course for somewhere else.....

Now, Bandster Davyna.....set the controls for maximum thrust and get headed in the Right Direction!!!!

LOL... thanks Jack, that made me laugh

Thanks for all the great support. You guys are the best!